Have you ever smacked your child, given 2021 UK statistic?

[Tinkerbelle4]

Just seen this clip, not really a big fan is super nanny but was shocked to hear the UK 2021 statistic that 62% of parents had physically disciplined their child.

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1HXeNmtEDB/?mibextid=wwXIfr

I’m curious- do you fall into that statistic? Especially if you have children say under 16- have you ever smacked them?

But that isn’t what I said.

Christ. Figure out the reply button.

If she’d never hit a pupil, why would she hit her own child? I’m a qualified and experienced teacher; I liked all of the kids I taught but I love my own kids. I want to do and be better for my own kids. I was never tempted or even thought to hit a child at school and I have never considered hitting my own children!

The parents I am less likely to judge are the ones who have smacked and acknowledge that it was a terrible parenting choice and are trying to do better. Those who claim it’s not a big deal get my judgement. Just because something is worse or as bad doesn’t make smacking better. It’s abusive parenting. Believe what you want to make yourself feel better.

But it's just normal family life even for those that hold themselves to very high standards of gentle parenting. You can make it less likely by optimising your mental health and reducing sources of conflict but it's never going to be eliminated.

It doesn't exist in my household so it very clearly can be eliminated.

I don’t disagree that smacking can be avoided. I disagree that ‘I don’t so no one has to’ is a persuasive argument. Children are different. If I just had no2 I’d believe I was a fucking awesome parent!

Trust me on this: children are school and children at home are like comparing lions to your pet cat!

No one has to smack.

I agree. No one has to discipline at all; we choose the methods we are comfortable with. For some, sometimes, that is smacking, for me and for you it is not.

They don't have to smack. They choose to.

I didn’t say otherwise.

I choose to take DS’s TV time away for the difference it makes. Others choose time outs or other discipline methods. Or none. It’s all a choice.

Maybe you do have a household where no one gets angry and shouts at each other. I don't know you and it's not my place to disagree with that.

I know a good variety of families, different jobs and backgrounds and no we aren't all from a dodgy estate and every single one will have times where parents have got angry at their children and shouted or had a row with a partner.

I had a rubbish childhood filled with parents losing their shit. I decided I would never do that. I never have. It was a choice I made and I stuck with it and will continue to. Others make a different choice.

We will have to agree to disagree

in over 35yrs of looking after newborns toddler and school age kids as a nanny and almost 10yrs of being a mum I have never needed to tap lightly etc

as others say thy lose their shit

dont know what else to do so hit them

then you get the ones who smack their kids for hitting someone else

pointless

Some of my peers would have done too. Some of them probably do wish that they lived in calmer households with less need for conflict but they can't.

Personally I think that as long as there is love, care and affection most people are resilient enough to go through brief periods of conflict.

You’re a nanny. That’s like my teacher post above. I have never even been tempted to lose it with any of the children I teach because I’m not emotionally invested. With my own it’s harder.

You have one child. That again is very different, partly because you’re not managing sibling relationships but also because as I’ve said above, if I had only had one of mine I would have breezed through parenting. My other one has been rather more of a challenge, and I have struggled a lot when the suggested strategies just don’t work. I don’t think smacking would have either, FWIW.

They can live in calmer households. They choose not to.

I don't expect my children to become resilient to me losing my shit. It is my job to regulate my emotions, not theirs.

I had a horrid, shouty mum. I know first hand how awful that is.

So not only did we never hit our children (of course), we also agreed to never raise our voices in anger. My husband came from a serene and calm family, it’s second nature to him. We’ve managed to raise two boys to adulthood with resorting to shouting or ‘losing it’. There’s a family opposite us and in the summer, we heard the dad shouting several times. It made me feel sad and worried for his small kids.

No we are human with emotions and limits. Children don't need to be parented by Stepford wives.

So it would seem it’s not just smacking but also shouting that is being agreed is a clear sign of an abusive parent.

The fact that you think it makes me a "Stepford Wife" because I chose not to hit/be rough/"lose my shit" with my children is really telling.

I have emotions. I just don't take it out on my children when those emotions are negative.

If you choose to hit and/or shout at your children because you can't control yourself, that's for you to live with.

Well aren't you perfect?

Given the number of times I have said that broadly speaking I am against snacking and that I don’t smack my children, I am inclined to think that your aim here is to repeatedly insult me, make me upset / annoyed and then use that as evidence that I am some raging out of control harpy, or something like that.

Most people live with it just fine, that's my point.