Have you ever smacked your child, given 2021 UK statistic?

[Tinkerbelle4]

Just seen this clip, not really a big fan is super nanny but was shocked to hear the UK 2021 statistic that 62% of parents had physically disciplined their child.

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1HXeNmtEDB/?mibextid=wwXIfr

I’m curious- do you fall into that statistic? Especially if you have children say under 16- have you ever smacked them?

This is exactly what made me give up on the gentle parenting wanky scripts. When I looked back over every incident where I'd lost my shit at my kids an attempt at this was a common factor.

So your only options were gentle parenting or hitting your children? No other possibilities?

Sounds like you can't control yourself to me.

Once in 18 years. He needed to give me his phone, he didn’t, winding me up and clinging on to me. So I smacked his leg. Not my finest hour.

I've never hit my children.

Neither have I, although you don’t believe me. But you have also never had to force them into a pushchair or car seat or force them away from a place. This all looks like I’m being an arse and I’m not; I haven’t really with DD. Token protest sometimes but mostly fine. My DS has been another matter and on occasion I’ve had to force him away from a situation and he’s fought me with every fibre of his being, the most memorable in my mind was when he didn’t want to get off a bouncy castle and I was 8 months pregnant. That was not fun.

I haven’t done that because I’m an evil person who enjoys hurting little children but because the situation warranted it. I’m always surprised on here when advice is along the lines of ‘tell them firmly not to do it’ as ds ignored that!

So I’m standing on trial at the stand and I am admitting: I’ve shouted, I’ve said things I shouldn’t have, I haven’t always been calm and gentle, I’ve been forceful and more rough than I meant to be. But I could say hey, I’ve never smacked so Good Parent. Except I’m not; I’ve fallen short from the parent I wanted to be.

I genuinely don't know anyone that has never shouted at their kids. I even have friends that subscribe to the most extreme gentle parenting blogs and they have still been pushed towards their limits. They feel horrible about it yes but it still happened and will probably happen again.

So your only options were gentle parenting or "losing your shit" (whatever that means")? No other possibilities?

Sounds like you can't control yourself to me.

So what do you suggest? Should all the kids of parents who sometimes lose their shit go into care then?

The question is have you ever smacked your child. I have not. I will never. I think it is bad parenting. I think parents who hit children are bad parents.

I have never been rough with my children. I think it is bad parenting. It maybe doesn't make you a bad parent. But it is a poor parenting choice, in my opinion.

You are spiralling and I'm not sure why. You don't have to excuse your behaviour. You clearly stand by it and that's up to you. I'm not going to agree with being "more rough then you meant to be" with children regardless of the scenario you lay out or how challenging your child was/is. I don't believe it's excusable. You don't have to agree with me.

Is that the only viable alternative to losing your shit?

Yes because it's going to keep happening regardless.

@MyOtherTimePiece i get that but to be fair if we all just said yes I have or no I haven’t it wouldn’t be much of a discussion.

I have never been intentionally rough with my children but if you’re trying to get a toddler off a bouncy castle and they are clawing your face and kicking at your belly which is heavy with child it’s kind of hard not to be rough.

I’m not spiralling at all, I’m sat watching Shrek with the kids quite happy.

I know most of my contemporaries have smacked: a quick slap on the bottom for cheekiness. It would have been so easy for me to answer this thread with ‘no I have NEVER’. But I am rather too honest for that and recognise my own shortcomings.

No never

if you smack you have lost control

It’s this I completely disagree with, despite broadly being anti smacking.

A smack on the bum doesn’t mean you have lost control, and actually can help someone manage a spiralling situation which can help a parent stay in control for longer.

That's very sad for your children.

A slap on the bottom for cheekiness is really grim.

I know one of my friends smacked her little girl once. I wasn’t there but I am fairly sure it wasn’t hard as she sulked rather than cried. Friend in question is deputy head of a primary school and the SENCO. There is no way she’s an abusive mum, absolutely no way.

Right because teachers never abuse children...

Absolutely they do but that case wasn’t one of them. It may not be parenting you agree with, but that doesn’t make it abuse.

Sounds like she should have better behaviour management skills but chose not to use them and instead resorted to an abusive option. I hope she doesn’t work in my children’s schools!

You weren't even there.

Grow up.

As if she's going to hit any pupils.

Sort yourself out.

And it’s this which is the problem, there’s no grey space at all, it’s abuse pure and simple, which means any sort of meaningful discussion is largely pointless.

I know first hand that you can employ every effective behaviour management strategy there is but sometimes it won’t stop the child. I include smacking in that, by the way.

The discussion is becoming circular but one observation I would make is that those of us with a slightly more nuanced approach are not resorting to the personal; the ‘hope you / she doesn’t teach my children / you abuser / you have spiralled’ type of insults. I’m largely sticking to the topic here and my stance is simply that I don’t like smacking, it teaches a lesson I don’t really want to teach, but I have done things I think are just as bad and I don’t believe I am an abusive parent, just an imperfect one. Which we ALL are, no matter how much some want to convince us otherwise. And I know the reply to this will be ‘well I’m not perfect but I don’t smack my children!’ And so we go on and on …

Saying hitting her children can't be called abuse because she's a teacher is Illogical. Of course she could be a teacher and also a child abuser.