Have you ever smacked your child, given 2021 UK statistic?

[Tinkerbelle4]

Just seen this clip, not really a big fan is super nanny but was shocked to hear the UK 2021 statistic that 62% of parents had physically disciplined their child.

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1HXeNmtEDB/?mibextid=wwXIfr

I’m curious- do you fall into that statistic? Especially if you have children say under 16- have you ever smacked them?

I understand what @OtterlyAstounding is saying. It isn’t an attack on nurseries or saying that if you send your child to nursery it’s as bad as smacking them.

What she is saying is that there are certain social norms that are prevalent in various societies. In western society it’s seen as acceptable and in fact positive to send your child to nursery. It’s seen as harmful and abusive to use corporal punishment. This isn’t because it’s automatically true one is benign and the other harmful, it’s because of our general societal outlook.

I'm glad that you like the people who parented your children for you 5 days a week. That's nice. It's certainly a valid choice, but it's a choice (everyone can afford to have a parent stay home, they just have to accept a more modest income), and palming one's child off onto others to look after during work hours is a choice that I don't see as particularly different to a loving, stable family who may choose to use smacking as a measured punishment.

It's all about what's convenient for you as the parent, isn't it?

It's a shame you believe you're not as fun as the nursery staff, either. You could be, if you wanted. Personally I think a few afternoons at nursery or stay and play style groups are all a child needs for socialisation with peers, and the rest is better spent learning through play with mum or dad, along with activities outside of the house. But it's up to the individual family, of course.

Obviously, people are going to be very defensive of their choices, which I totally understand.

Absolutely.

I'm sure few children are being genuinely harmed by being sent to nurseries. But it's absolutely a choice made for parental convenience, and despite being generally benign, it's probably not what's 'ideal' for children - but then, what is ideal in life? Everyone is just doing their best.

It's definitely about current social norms though. In the future, sending your child to nursery might be seen as hugely abusive. That doesn't mean it is. Something being imperfect, or possibly not the best choice, doesn't make it some abhorrent, terrible trauma.

No way. I’m bigger and stronger than her and our home is a safe place.

For me it's more that I really hate when my kids lash out and hit me, I'd feel like a hypocrite if I was hitting them and while being very strict on that particular behaviour.

It's certainly a valid choice, but it's a choice (everyone can afford to have a parent stay home, they just have to accept a more modest income), and palming one's child off onto others to look after during work hours is a choice

@OtterlyAstounding I’ll just let my mortgage company, utility providers and the taxman know that I won’t be paying those bills to accommodate DH and I dropping to a “more modest income”. They’ll be absolutely fine with that. We’re lucky in that we earn good wages - not good enough to drop to 1 as that would literally halve our income but collectively good. What do you suggest to people who earn minimum wage but use their funded hours? Should people quit their paying job and receive universal credit rather than send their child to nursery where they will actually enjoy it?

You say your point is that it’s a social norm, blah blah… but your snide comments alongside it are telling that you think people are “palming” their kids off to someone else to parent. If staying with you at home means being smacked, your kids would have been better off at nursery where they are played with, nurtured and treated with care. You say you didn’t smack yours but you downplay the damage it can cause to children so I wouldn’t trust your parenting skills at all!

I don’t claim to be a perfect parent. My kids have caused me untold frustration but it’s my responsibility to manage that and model that to them. If I smack them, they learn it’s ok to lose your temper and lash out if you’re bigger than the person annoying you. A slippery slope, don’t you think?

My husband barely earned a living wage, and I was still a SAHM while the children were little. We lived carefully and cheaply but very happily, and the children thrived. It's all about your priorities. My priorities were spending my children's most formative years trying to pack in as much love, learning, talking, and fun as possible. Of course that impacted our finances, but for me, it was worth it.

Interestingly, most of my children's friends have fairly well-off, working parents, and now they're teenagers they all want to come over to our house because they have terrible relationships with their own parents, who have no time for them or their interests, and frankly seem to see them as an inconvenience, and be very negative towards them. But that's anecdotal.

I understand wanting to defend sending your children to nursery during the working week, and lashing out with the implication that I must be lying about my parenting; that's fine. But it's very silly to act as though putting your children into nursery full-time couldn't be validly seen as a harmful thing to do, easily on par with smacking. That's my point.

The outrage seems a little hypocritical and overblown, and smacks of people echoing current social norms without thinking about what they might be doing now that could be frowned on in another decade (and as with most things, probably didn't really cause any harm on a demographic level).

I have smacked my child's hand away when he was reaching for something dangerous. It wasn't traumatic for either of us as there was no anger involved. I would never smack as punishment because it just wouldn't occur to me. When I'm angry, I tend to stomp off, shout or bang stuff around.

Yes, it feels so cowardly and pathetic to hit someone so much smaller and more vulnerable than you.

Nobody else parented my children, other than me and their father.

It's bizarre to me that you're trying to compare assaulting children with sending them to childcare settings. If you chose to hit your children, you need to live with that. The fact you didn't send them to nursery doesn't cancel it out.

Never

If you say so. But you can't parent your children when you're not with them.

As I've said, I didn't hit my children. But it's very hypocritical to say people who do smack of 'couldn't be bothered parenting' if you quite literally 'couldn't be bothered parenting' for 30 to 50 waking hours out of the week. Those in glass houses, as they say.

But it's very silly to act as though putting your children into nursery full-time couldn't be validly seen as a harmful thing to do, easily on par with smacking. That's my point.

It’s very silly to act as though not striving to earn enough money to pay your bills couldn’t be validly seen as a harmful thing to do, easily on par with smacking.

Subjecting your children to a life of poverty is not a morally superior choice to nursery. My fight is not with SAHM or working mum. Both are valid and acceptable choices. My objection is to you somehow believing your parenting is superior to mine. My children want for nothing, including our time and attention. If I had chosen to give up work, I would have reduced my employment opportunities and potentially irreparably damaged our financial security.

But you can't parent your children when you're not with them.

What are you talking about?

I don’t know why I’m arguing with @OtterlyAstounding because the assumption that working parents just can’t be bothered to parent is grossly judgemental and naïve. You can’t argue with someone so unwilling and unable to perspective-take.

Really? You think the only options are a life of poverty, or full-time nursery? Gracious. And of course, as long as a child is well-cared for then whatever parents choose is valid - and I've said nothing about thinking my parenting is superior to yours. Just pointing out how social norms affect attitudes, and playing devil's advocate a bit.

What I am saying is that you have chosen what is most convenient for you, not necessarily what is best for your children's development in their most formative years. PPs have pointed out that smacking is about convenience to parents, and not the child's best interests, and frankly, the same can be said of nursery.

But you seem very defensive about your choices, so I'll bow out, now.

Do these people believe that teachers parent children too? Or is that ok because their children go to school too? Does the attack on working mums only apply to those with 0-4 year olds?

It's totally Illogical.

Also fascinating to see how that poster is tying herself in knots to justify hitting children. "Yeah I smack my children but...at least I never let them see me go to work..."

It's fascinating to see you lying so blatantly. Clearly I've hit a nerve. My apologies.

Did I lie? Interesting.

Seems like you're just sad that your nonsensical argument didn't quite land.

Yeah I smack my children but...at least I never let them see me go to work...

That’s not it,

So imagine it is not going to work; imagine it is something else we see as fairly normal, mainstream, everyday. Having a sibling say. Let’s say that research comes out and unequivocally states that only children are superior in every which way possible: socially, academically, emotionally. They are far more likely to achieve well in life. This contrasts with those who have one or more sibling who are disadvantaged.

Are people going to then only have one child, because of this research? They aren’t: they will largely ignore the research because it doesn’t correlate with what they want their families to look like.

Yes, when absolutely at the end of my tether. Always regretted it and apologised. I’d say it’s happened about 3/4 times in around 13y.

It is a lousy form of “discipline”

Ok so your argument would be "yes I hit my kid...but at least I only had one kid".

Sounds great.

Haha. No. It could literally be anything you want it to be. Point is, we pick and choose the bits that suit us. We say ‘smacking is associated with poor parenting; well I am a good parent; I don’t smack!’ But if the research says something else isn’t great for children’s development we say ‘but we have to work / drive / have another baby / go on holiday / it’s good for children to do this or that.’

Haha. I just don't hit children. Nothing will make that acceptable.

I don’t think not smacking makes me a good parent. However I do think smacking makes someone a poor parent. I think anyone who hits someone smaller, weaker and more vulnerable than themselves is a poor parent.