I have to do a horrible thing tonight and I’m not sure I can do it (trigger warning r*pe)

[NotSureICanDoIt]

Something awful happened at the weekend, a ‘friend’ raped me, and tonight I have to go and do a video interview. I’m just not sure that I can go through with it. Even thinking about it makes me shake. I’ve done the forensics bit at the weekend, this is just the interview instead of making a statement.

Not sure what I’m posting for really. Has anyone else done one of these before? What if they don’t believe me?

Maybe unpopular opinion but you don't owe anything to other potential victims. You don't have to put yourself through this, you are not at fault.

The police woman who did my interview was wonderful, as was the detective who worked on my case. And i say this as someone who is not a particular fan of the police, they were faultless and totally on my side . Oh OP, I want to give you a massive hug and make you a huge mug of tea (if tea is your thing) and I want you to know that I am thinking of you X

Best Wishes from me - you can do this!

@Speakeasier thank you - it's been a really difficult road and it's still not over as I am pursing a private prosecution and making a formal complaint about the police. I just want the OP to have all the knowledge, strength, understanding and support she deserves at this difficult time ❤️

OP- you should also have been given the 'Report to court' book when you went to the SARC centre. It's a good read and you can find all the information about police conduct and your full rights in there.

I know this in all so fresh but, you also have two years to make a CICA claim for the rape. I did this, and didn't need a solicitor. No amount of money will ever undo what he did, but the letter was a comfort having somebody telling me on balance they could see he raped me.

Let us know how you get on tonight. I'm thinking of you X

I'm sorry this has happened to you and will be thinking of you later ❤️

Well done to you for taking all these steps. I haven’t done a video interview as I didn’t report. Honestly, I couldn’t even get my head around it at the time. But I did go speak to someone at a rape crisis centre and basically did what you are doing in telling the story of what happened. I can’t tell you what a difference it made. It was like saying it out loud and putting words to the experience and having her validate everything back to me allowed me to process it all and sort of released me from the burden of carrying it all around with me. It helped so much. I hope it will be the same for you.

You are so brave! And you and are helping stop there being future victims by the same person which is a truly amazing thing! You can do this and will be stronger afterwards xxxx

OP, it’s part of my job to do these interviews. It should be done in a comfortable room (sofa/armchairs rather than a typical interview room) and there’s normally just you and the interviewer. They should try and put you at ease (as much as possible given the matter at hand) and should aim for a conversation rather than an interview if that makes sense. You will be given the chance to talk through what’s happened in your own words, then the interviewer will ask some questions.

If possible, try to remember that they are not there to try and catch you out. Any questions they ask are to gather more evidence, they are not asking for clarification or extra details to try and catch you in a lie. We just try to gather every detail you can recall so that we have as much evidence as possible to pursue a prosecution. The interviewer is not there to believe you or not believe you - that’s not their job. They are there to obtain your account, nothing more.

I am so sorry, OP. Sending you strength.

This is such very important advice.
I too am sending you love, support and strength.

Please be brave and go ahead with this. It may not be the first time he's done this but there is a chance of it could be the last.

It is a horrible thing to have to do, but they will believe you and this whole forum and women in general will thank you.

Having said that, if you can't face it we will also understand. I hope you are able to get over this trauma.

I'm so very sorry this has happened to you. Sending you all my support and good wishes - I'm glad the police are supporting you and that will continue this evening. If you need them please reach out for support x

Take things very slowly, in stages and know you are in control and can stop at any time. Start by deciding you'll go to the venue and see how that feels. Then see how you manage sitting in the room, starting to speak and so on. Any time you want to, you can stop. Sending strength.

Sending a hug over MN and am so so sorry this happened to you. Wishing you strength tonight and you're doing the right thing as hard as it is. Go easy OP.

From poster above If possible, try to remember that they are not there to try and catch you out. Any questions they ask are to gather more evidence, they are not asking for clarification or extra details to try and catch you in a lie. We just try to gather every detail you can recall so that we have as much evidence as possible to pursue a prosecution. The interviewer is not there to believe you or not believe you - that’s not their job. They are there to obtain your account, nothing more.

This is excellent advice.

I'd further suggest wearing something you can bin afterwards - make it like a gesture of - done, bin. Just a suggestion, in case you wear something you want to keep and every time you look at it, it's that tee shirt from an intense experience.

Take your time to formulate your answer if you need to - to find the right word or phrase. Ask for just a moment.

I see others have posted that this is something you don't have to do. But - will you regret not doing it - only you can answer that. You will be with trained professionals.

Thinking of you too ..

I’ve done it before but as the interviewing officer. You should get a good bit of time prior to the interview where the interviewer will explain it all. They are really good with you and will make you feel relaxed as much as they can. Our suite is a small room with sofa and a coffee table. It’s like having a conversation. The only difference is there will be a camera in the corner recording it all. Don’t panic. You’ll do amazing.

I hope it goes well with the private prosecution. If you can face it it would be a valuable thread to read about how it went, although I’m not sure of the legal implications of doing this.

Once again it just seems tragic that survivors have to go through so many hoops to just feel vindicated enough by the fact of being believed officially. 💐

You can do this. The bastard needs locking up. I am so sorry you have been through hell and still going through hell. You will be maybe saving other girls in the future. Stay strong and sending love. Everyone on here is behind you x

I couldn't pass by this page without sending love and strength. What a brave thing you are doing.

I’m overwhelmed by all messages. So, so lovely of you all. Thanks especially to the others who have gone through similar things - I know it’s not easy to do that.

When I originally reported it I did it straight away. Within minutes or I knew I never would. We were on a boat so I was lucky that I could leave immediately and be among other people in the marina. I knew he wouldn’t follow me.

I’m sitting with a cup of tea and trying to gather my thoughts. My toddler is a good distraction, bless her.

I’m so very sorry. You did the right thing in reporting it. Stay strong - you are doing the right thing- trust your instinct and know that we are all with you in spirit xx

I’ll be leaving at 7 for the interview at 7:30 and I’ll come back afterwards.

Well done on reporting this. It takes a lot of bravery and faith and is not easy. I was assaulted as a child and the police were shite. It took years but eventually he went to prison. That was the start of my recovery, decades later. So massive well done for doing the best thing you could to heal. I hope it goes okay. Take a comfort blanket item with you - I had my scarf to put my face into when I needed - something to drink and take your time. Many of us will be thinking of you.

You are so brave OP. I was a victim of SA and have never told anyone other than DH.

You are an amazing woman and I'll also join the many women on here that will be keeping you in their thoughts and standing behind you this evening.

Strength to you.

Your 'friend' has probably done this before. You'll help to stop him doing it again.