I have to do a horrible thing tonight and I’m not sure I can do it (trigger warning r*pe)

[NotSureICanDoIt]

Something awful happened at the weekend, a ‘friend’ raped me, and tonight I have to go and do a video interview. I’m just not sure that I can go through with it. Even thinking about it makes me shake. I’ve done the forensics bit at the weekend, this is just the interview instead of making a statement.

Not sure what I’m posting for really. Has anyone else done one of these before? What if they don’t believe me?

I don't think a companion could be in the room with you - you will probably have a video interview, called an ABE interview (Achieving Best Evidence) and so it is unlikely they would want anyone else there. Take care OP.

So sorry for what you have gone through. My 14 year old niece had to do the same thing and my sister said that though she was upset, the police were amazing with her. I'll be thinking of you and sending support tonight😊

How awful for you but with your braveness it could stop this happening to someone else. 💐

I'm so sorry this happened to you.
I have no advice but just wanted to say how incredibly brave you are to have reported this. You are an inspiration to other women who have been through the same thing including myself.

Hello OP, I'm so sorry to hear what has happened to you and I'm glad to hear that the police have been so good. The thought of a video interview can be really frightening but it's there to get the best evidence from you especially considering the trauma. It should be conducted by specialist police officers who can support you and you can take breaks if needed.
Have you been referred to an Independent Sexual Violence Advisor (ISVA)? If not this may be really helpful as they can support you through this process and provide practical support and advice. They don't need to be present in interviews but can be on hand if needed. You can ask the police about this if you feel this would be useful. X

You won't be allowed to take anyone else in with you.

The police should give you a little guided tour first and make you a cup of tea. You can ask for a break at any time.

One officer will be in another room, making sure the cameras are filming you.

I got through it by pretending I was on 24 Hours in Police Custody and by thinking this was my main opportunity to give a really good, detailed account!

I had a slightly wobbly voice for a minute but then it was like I was talking to someone about a fault with my car.

It can take a while, with some form filling at the start.

Good luck to you.

I am so sorry that this has happened to you. When i was sexually assaulted I had the most incredible support from the local SARC. At first i was really cynical, i did not think that anyone could help me or make any difference to the way I felt or understand what I was going through. My support worker was just briliant, she accepted and understood me and her support was invaluable. She continued to support me after the trial and i will always remember her with immense gratitude. Thinking of you OP and holding you in my thoughts

You have one of the worst bits with the physical examination. The next bit will be tough but most of the Police officers who work on these type of cases are incredibly supportive and sensitive. These officers will have seen and heard everything before so do not worry about them and I don’t think anyone else will be permitted to sit in on your interview so just say what you’ve got to say and go home.
If the case goes to court you will have to watch the video again which would be before the trial date and then be cross examined by the defence when you are in another room. If you feel strong enough you can go into court which imho is more impactful but it’s about achieving best evidence so do what is best for you. I wish you well.

Oh bless you I’m heartbroken for you, sending you lots of strength and a hand hold x

Thank you @NotSureICanDoIt
for doing this. You are very brave.

Sending you support op.

Do remember though - whatever you choose, it is NOT your responsibility if he does this to anyone else.

I know people mean well when they say you could stop him doing it to someone else, but that might not be particularly helpful, nor is it on you to help prevent. You're in control of what you do now, and what others do is in their control.

it makes complete sense to me. Sending you a handhold and courage for tonight

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I believe you and they will too.

I have done a video interview in relation to historic sexual abuse. You will be in a comfy interview room with a sofa/armchairs, and ime you won't really be aware of the video equipment. It's more like cctv than a camera pointing at you. The interviewing officer will ask you questions and then, again ime, they will take you back through each section of what you've told them, getting further into the details with each iteration. They will stop so you can take breaks and you can leave the room, e.g. for the loo, and resume when you're ready. At the end, you'll be asked to sign the seals on the recordings, and there'll be a bit of unrecorded time to ask questions about what next, etc.

Edited to add that you may be asked to draw diagrams of where you were, who was where in the room, etc, so you may want to take a pen or pencil. I wasn't expecting that and had to make use of the materials in the room. For some reason having to draw it all in running-out purple felt pen upset me more than almost everything else, given the entire situation was about my own lack of control of the circumstances.

I'll be thinking of you this evening.

You are very brave and strong, even getting this far.

Huge hug and handhold to you ❤️

I’m so, so sorry op. You are being incredibly brave. You can do this and I’m sending so much support your way xxxxxx

Do you have a female friend who could go with you for support?

OP I’m sorry this happened to you. There is no requirement to be brave or strong. Break down, hermit, do whatever is going to help you heal. You don’t owe anyone anything.

I’m so sorry this happened to you x

Now it's time for you to be in control of your story.
You are not forced to go down the interview route it is what is (for want of a better word) easier for you.
You are not obligated to do anything.
I am however proud of you dear OP for taking the first steps. Have a unmumsnetty hug x

I did this last year for a historic rape. It wasn't easy but the feeling afterwards was so worth it. In my case there wasn't enough evidence because of how long ago it was but it got rid of the voice in my head that had been saying I needed to do something about it for over forty years. I felt relieved knowing that I had done everything within my power and it was no longer a burden I carried. I wish I had reported it at the time but better late than never. You've got this. The police will be lovely and make you feel as comfortable as possible.

I’m so sorry this has happened to you. You are so strong and so brave.

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I also have immense respect for your courage, you should feel so proud of yourself.

I’m so sorry this happened to you, you are being incredibly brave and a handhold for today and the coming weeks ans months.
I went through the whole process a few years ago and also went to the interview alone and it was the best thing for me luckily for me really as both my husband, mum sister and cousin who I would of had with me ended up giving evidence.
please just be kind with yourself and I second the advice of calling the rape crisis hotline.
the police will believe you, we believe you and I hope you get the outcome you deserve.

They will support you and it doesn't matter what they think. You know what happened.
You have done the hard bit by telling people you were raped and reporting him.

You are incredibly brave and will be fine on your own if that makes you feel more comfortable but do go and get the job done - what a horrible bastard.

I think that sounds really sensible. You can’t worry about anyone else, this is just about you. It needs to carry as little stress for you as possible.

Look at what you’ve done so far. Your courage is amazing. You found the strength to do the hardest part - report it in the first place, knowing everything would change. But you did it anyway, and you were right to. Nobody gets to do this to you and not face the consequences. You are worth so much more than that.

Then you managed to do the forensics. That is so, so brave, and so hard because it feels like a violation all over again. And you did it! That’s amazing too. So many of us would give up at that point. But you didn’t. You are so strong.

And now you have this next difficult bit to do. But you’ve done so much already that you can do this. You will be believed. They will go at your pace, you’ll be in safe and comfortable surroundings and they’ll do everything they can to help you. Once you start you will be fine. I’m not saying it won’t be upsetting, harrowing even, but you will feel so much better when you have let it out.

You’ve got this. And you have hundreds of thousands of us behind you like a big cushion. Let the support of other women hold you up through this.