I have to do a horrible thing tonight and I’m not sure I can do it (trigger warning r*pe)

[NotSureICanDoIt]

Something awful happened at the weekend, a ‘friend’ raped me, and tonight I have to go and do a video interview. I’m just not sure that I can go through with it. Even thinking about it makes me shake. I’ve done the forensics bit at the weekend, this is just the interview instead of making a statement.

Not sure what I’m posting for really. Has anyone else done one of these before? What if they don’t believe me?

Sending best wishes

Be as precise as you can and only answer what you know to be true. If they press you for details that you can't remember just tell them you can't remember.

So sorry to hear this OP. This is a very brave thing you are going to do. You are much braver than you think, you came on Mumsnet.

Make sure you look after yourself and let us know how you got on (if it is not too difficult for you). We will all be rooting for you. 💐

I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what you are going through.

Good Luck

I have no advice, only love, which I am sending to you abundantly x

editing to add that the anticipation of the interview will likely be worse that the interview itself. If there are any officers you feel safe with can you ask them to be with you, and take all the time you need. You may not feel it, but you really are very brave, you’ve got this x

Agree with this

Your responsibility is to yourself, no one else

You are a brave woman indeed. I'll be sending you strength and good thoughts later.

I’ve had to do a video interview before, it helped me to write down everything I remembered before hand (and this also was useful in later on proceedings as unfortunately these things take time 😔) from memory (I’ve tried to block it!) I don’t think I could take my written info in with me. The cameras weren’t in your face obvious which was good, they can pause as often as you need. You have to be incredibly detailed which is so hard and humiliating sitting in front of a stranger, they will add questions in if they need you to be more thorough, and you’ll have to actually say in detail the acts that happened in full description. I won’t lie, this is likely to be one of the most emotionally draining and stressful things you’ll go through (aside from what happened in the first place) but just know, speaking up is incredibly brave- and important for anyone who’s ever been through similar, the more of us that report and speak up will only help future victims have the strength to do the same. just keep reminding yourself you are not to blame here. Please take someone with you, you’ll need the support, and they should put you in touch with support like counselling etc, make sure you use it when you’re ready. I’m happy to answer anything else you might need as best I can. I and many other thousands of women and girls who’ve survived such awful crimes will be holding your hand all the way though. Thank you for your courage x

You can do this OP.

I felt physically sick in the lead up to mine, but the police woman in the room with me was brilliant.

They are used to people being like a deer in headlights and they explain what's going to happen, where the cameras are, who is in the camera room etc.

You can stop at any point, and for any reason. It goes at your pace and you just tell them what happened. If you can't remember something in the moment just ask them to come back to it later.

They may need you to clarify certain details along the way, but it's not because they don't believe you, they just want to get the best evidence they can from you.

Don't worry that you'll forget to tell them something and you'll miss your chance, as they can do a further interview or receive further information at a later date. I remembered certain details I'd missed telling them and they added them to my statement a couple of weeks later.

You'll probably feel absolutely wiped out by the end of this evening, but hopefully you'll also feel like a weight has been lifted off you.

Good luck x

They won’t be in your interview or hear anything you have to say- they’ll just wait for you outside x

It’s not about belief or disbelief, the police collect the evidence and cps decide if there’s a realistic prospect of conviction

i recently had to do one of these re the sexual abuse from my ex partner and i know how nerve wracking it can be. the police were so kind and gentle with me. we went to a special place where the room was set out with a comfy sofa etc. at first i was so nervous but the police lady told me where the cameras were that would be recording me then she helped me by asking questions which she then let me answer in my own time. they were very happy for me to pause for the toilet a drink or just a break.
i must admit i soon forgot the cameras and it was almost like i was just talking to the lady in the room not the camera. it is hard but i am sure they will be kind and helpful to you.
do ring Rape Crisis they are wonderful
sending you love and luck xx

You're so, so brave, you can do this 💓

Sending strength and positive wishes in your direction. Thank you for doing this. It may save another woman in the future going through what you have.

Im so,so very sorry.
Your feelings sound totally understandable.
i cant imagine how difficult it is to give testimony about being raped.
But its important you speak the truth of what happened to you.
I hope you have support around you IRL.
Many people who have read your OP will be thinking of you now and later.

Your bravery got you this far. 🌺You're amazing.

Keeping you in my thoughts OP.

The officers interviewing you will be highly trained, and sadly be dealing with situations like this all the time so to them it's not the horrific event that it is for you. Put yourself in their hands, they will safely guide you through this process.

Be strong, you can do this.

Have you thought about making an emergency appointment with your GP to see if they can prescribe something for you to calm your nerves? I wouldn’t normally suggest medication to someone but maybe there is something you can take as a one-off just to get through this incredibly difficult day/few days?

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

Sending another hand to hold and so much love. Completely understand the not wanting someone with you as often telling people makes it more real. But you sound like an amazing person and have lovely toddler cuddles when you get home

@Franpie maybe something to help with sleep/ anxiety for tonight but I don't think OP should take anything before the interview. In case she reacts badly to them

@NotSureICanDoIt I am so so so sorry you are going through this. When I was interviewed it was only voice recorded. The police officers were so kind and understanding. They helped me through it.
Big breaths. I like the idea of having your thoughts written down, even if you can't bring the notes in you will hopefully remember the points.

I wouldn't have wanted anyone in the interview room with me either. But can you have a friend or family member wait for you at the station?

We believe you. We all believe you. You are being so brave. I don’t have anything else to say that will help but just know that there are people who believe you.

💐💐💐

I’m so sorry this happened to you. I just wanted to commend you for your courage. Hopefully your bravery will ensure that the later charge is prosecuted. Without you this may not have happened.

Sadly we seem to require at least two women to report SA to be considered any kind of evidence.

This is a good shout OP. Write down every single thing that you can remember. Our memories are actually pretty crap- especially when it comes to traumatic stuff.

Sending you strength. I’ve just been to court for SA, and being on the stand was nowhere near as bad as I thought and everyone was so kind if you get to the point of that. This is probably the worst bit and you’ll feel drained after so plan something nice like a takeaway or a bath