DS has been suspended from work

[APandafromRwanda]

DS is 19 and has been in a retail job (a big chain) for about 8 months. He left college and didn't want to go to University so found himself a job in this shop

He called me yesterday asking if I could pick him up early (a few hours before his shift was due to finish). When he got in the car he then proceeded to tell me he's been suspended by management

The incident was that he was talking with two other members of staff. There was some banter about a third colleague (I will refer to them as Tom) who wasn't present. Ds then implied (he says he did not explicitly say this, or use the "p" word at any point) that Tom had indecent images on his phone. It was a joke

One of the present colleagues then went to management and reported him. The other colleague who was there has backed the first one up and given a statement saying the same thing. That Ds called Tom a "P doe file".

If he gets sacked (very likely at the moment) is he going to have to tell his next employer about why he was sacked or will it be mentioned on a reference?

I've definitely heard teenagers say that someone (usually a man that they perceive as 'creepy') 'looks like a p-phile' and then laugh about it after saying it.

Why would your DS imply Tom had indecent images on his phone ?
Why would your DS think this serious allegation is funny or a joke?

what's really sad is he had the gumption to go out and get himself a job - which is great

then he fucks it up by, possibly thinking that the shop floor is like the playground at school and he can say what he likes

such a lardy shame

but lots to be learnt from this

don't talk about sex, religion or politics at work
don't think your colleagues are your friends
don't say or write something you'd not be happy to read out in court in front of 12 strangers that will judge you

He's only been there 8 months, he could resign with immediate effect but the investigation will go ahead and they would probably sack him with immediate effect anyway.

Take a closer look at your DS. Maybe he was testing the waters to how it would be received. It’s an odd way to joke.

Calling someone a paedo is pretty much the worst thing you can say or imply about them. Youngsters seem to toss it around for banter these days.
Not everyone is going to stand by and let that happen as your son has now discovered.

He'll learn from this.

1. You can't just say what you like.
2. Workmates aren't your friends.

A life lesson.

This.

But also read him the riot act about the risk of destroying someone’s life and also show him the law around slander. This will hang over him for 12
months minimum because that’s window for action on defamation claim. He needs to understand that.

100% this.

19 year olds (boys and girls) are immature and do and say stupid shit. I cringe looking back at my 19 year old self.

He has learned the hard way about what is and is not appropriate in the workplace. This is a life lesson. One of many.

It’s really not the end of the world.

I wonder if these posters who said is only "banter" would they be happy if someone joked like this about their own dear sons or husbands! Madness! Jokes should be funny not degrading!

Have you pointed out that he needs to be angry with himself and not his work mates? While he persists apportioning blame elsewhere, there is little hope for maturity.

This is absolutely not true any19 year olds who still think this sort of banter is acceptable are either stupid or badly brought up.

It's bravado and self-soothing which will soon fall away. He'll view the situation differently when he looks back at it from 25. He's looking through 19 year old eyes today. Easier to direct blame elsewhere than accept you fucked up and did something unacceptable.

He's 19 and doesn't yet know he'll get through it and recover. Everyone has a story (or two) to tell about being an utter arsehole of a young adult somewhere along the line. Like a previous poster said, I cringe when I think back on 19 yr old me. Hilariously I considered myself very well rounded at the time. I was not.

That's how we get to 25 and realise we've moved on from it. His anger is deflecting his shame today. It won't always.

This - I bet it was much worse than he’s admitted to you.

This! Get him to resign with immediate effect.

I also agree it is normal banter amongst late teens even 20/21 year olds. Calling someone a nonce or Pedo is a general throwaway insult now by that age group. I’m not saying it’s right, just that’s how it is.

Clearly what he’s done is unacceptable. But your original question was about references. At 19 I’d just not mention it and approach other roles as though it was his first. If he’s fired, his reference will likely state the leave reason as dismissal (if they include one).
Unless he finds himself doing a role which has strict background checks (military, police etc) then he should just own his mistake and give a vanilla version and explain it as a harsh lesson to learn about the step up employment is from school.

As Oprah would say “WHAT” and I would add “a Load of rubbish”
Please don’t normalise what this guy did.

Of course the colleagues needed to report it.
If it was a (very poor taste) joke, they report it to object such appalling banter.
If it was serious, they report it to allow an investigation to happen.

I sincerely hope your son realises he behaved atrociously, his colleagues did exactly the right thing and that he should thank his lucky stars if all that happens is he gets sacked.

You should feel ashamed to say that. You can want whatever you want for your kids, but to degrade someone else's aspirations or career options is awful and in no way necessary. Not everyone has the fortune to be starting from the same position as you or your kids. And, believe it or not, many people think going to university is a massive waste of time and money (including many who have been to university!). For some people, working in retail and having a steady job is something they may find difficult to achieve, and they should not be made to feel ashamed of it. There is nothing shameful about it. You, however, should feel ashamed that you put such negativity into the world and talk with such disdain and unearned superiority about an honest job.

Your DS should feel ashamed, not angry.

A lot of organisations do back ground checks now including employment where they go direct to the employer. It is worth your DS asking if he can resign and have this noted on his file. It’s possible they say no.

They may
ask "Would you take this person on, if they applied again in the future?"

If he should thank his lucky stars he ‘only gets fired,’ what exactly do you think would be a fitting punishment?

I'm actually quite impressed that his employers took this so seriously, it is workplace bullying and they are right to call it out.

However he is 19 and I think his best course of action is to now resign, find out if the company are willing to give a basic reference (confirming dates worked and position) and then start applying for other roles or college courses.

If the company aren't willing to provide a reference he could say he has taken a gap year and been travelling.

Hopefully he has learned a lot from this.

Slander.

DS is a bully and an idiot. There is no way I would accept this is being 'bants' at all, it can ruin lives. He needs to grow up. Hopefully he's learned his lesson.