DS has been suspended from work

[APandafromRwanda]

DS is 19 and has been in a retail job (a big chain) for about 8 months. He left college and didn't want to go to University so found himself a job in this shop

He called me yesterday asking if I could pick him up early (a few hours before his shift was due to finish). When he got in the car he then proceeded to tell me he's been suspended by management

The incident was that he was talking with two other members of staff. There was some banter about a third colleague (I will refer to them as Tom) who wasn't present. Ds then implied (he says he did not explicitly say this, or use the "p" word at any point) that Tom had indecent images on his phone. It was a joke

One of the present colleagues then went to management and reported him. The other colleague who was there has backed the first one up and given a statement saying the same thing. That Ds called Tom a "P doe file".

If he gets sacked (very likely at the moment) is he going to have to tell his next employer about why he was sacked or will it be mentioned on a reference?

He’s just a stupid lad and he will learn from this

he just needs to resign before they can sack him and going forward, not mention it. The majority of employers don’t give references much past confirming dates worked

I’d also not give him too much of a hard time. He will already be kicking himself and it’s a life lesson isn’t it - one that he’s been lucky enough to learn early

Could people please stop
Normalising this behaviour as banter.

Mh ds is 22 and competes in sport. There are a few of the younger ones who’ve tried to “banter” these types of accusations towards the older lad and every single time it’s heard every single one of them reports it.

If most teens know it’s not ok then adults certainly should and other teens are not the norm.

OP get your son to face the music . Then help him get a life so he has something interesting to make conversation about instead of making inappropriate accusations about colleagues in an attempt to create meaningful conversation.

@APandafromRwanda stop minimising what your son said. At 19 he is not that immature or stupid. His employer and or Tom may be considering taking legal action with a report to police. There are very serious consequences to falsely calling someone a paedophile. Resigning could be only the start.

I think you have insulted all youn g shop workers by clearly implying that it is a job you consider to be infra dig.

I don't like that.

If he hadn’t of said anything there would be nothing to report.

I would be hopping mad, first at either of ours thinking it was “banter” that’s commonly used as a “oh it’s just banter” to get others to accept offensive talk by making it out they have no sense of humour.

And it’s not really an employees market at the moment. He might’ve just thrown away an important reference.

But to direct his anger towards the colleagues shows he thinks he isn’t listening, learning or regrets his actions.

Yes I would be hopping mad inside.

But I wouldn’t shout I would shrug and say too late now. He’s not a child. He might have to learn to live without a wage packet for a while, again tough.

I suppose maybe it could be called banter if the target of the "joke" was present and was giving as good as he got, but he wasn’t. "Banter" is about give and take. This wasn’t banter. Don’t excuse it.

Even those of us who started work in the dim distant past where most things were acceptable understand you have to be careful now.

GenZ, who seem permanently offended about everything, really should know better.

The only person in the wrong is @APandafromRwanda's son. Do you make excuses for rapists and domestic abusers too because they are stupid 19 year olds?

He claims he didn't use the word but he said Tom had child sexual abuse images on his phone. Tom wasn't there.

No one grows up dreaming of working in a shop. And I don’t think anyone should settle at 18 or 19 without exploring what the world has to offer them.

Some people will work in shops their whole lives, and that’s their choice but I do hope they gave something else a go first. But we are talking about a young adult just starting out - specifically about trying other things before settling into that at this age and as parents, what we should be encouraging.

This guy is losing this job. I’d use this as an opportunity to explore for more, rather than going to another minimum wage job and settling into that for life.

There are decent job prospects in shop work if you are motivated and capable.

Why is it better to go to uni for everyone?

I know business owners and MDs who have never been to uni and yet they have immensely successful careers.

You could also tell him about the laws of defamation, ie slander in this case. He cannot just make remarks that ruin another person's reputation. Does he realise any of this, or just think he has been unlucky or a victim? Please put him straight.

Yes, I’m sure OP’s sons who goes around calling people pedophiles will go on to become an MD if he stays in shop work from the age of 18.

There are trades, colleges, uni’s, apprenticeship programmes. There is a whole host of options for a 19 year old. Less so in his 30s or 40s. So; he should try for more. In an environment which will help him grow up, and be exposed to opportunities.

Nothing about the sexual abuse of a child is funny. Your son needs to learn this, and suck up getting fired, because he deserves it.

Nope not even close to normal. Now or in the past.

I Won’t comment on your son’s awful conduct as you haven’t asked us to. But he now needs to decide if it looks better to not put that job on future applications or admit why he was fired. Maybe quitting before being fired would be better?

If he's focusing on blaming others, rather than accepting he made a bad mistake...he isn't learning at all.

Noone forced him to say that, does it not occur to him he could be speaking to a victim of sexual abuse etc..

Genine learning would be regret and wanting to apologise and do better

No no.
This is not normal among 19 year olds (with an education).
I can imagine it might happen among the dregs but it is in no way normal among the young people I know.

One of the present colleagues then went to management and reported him. The other colleague who was there has backed the first one up and given a statement saying the same thing. That Ds called Tom a "P doe file".

In what world is this banter and joking? What the hell.

What on earth is wrong with people? I've just been reading the thread from the poster who has been banned from her local supermarket for using foul, abusive language to a member of staff and now this so called "banter". What ever happened to having a mental fliter and thinking about what you are about to say, how your words might land and the real harm they can do?

It’s as rare as rocking horse shit for one of them to start down the local shop though as a teen as their career choice

pregending he’s a ceo in waiting is silly. Of course it’s better for him to try now at his age for something more, so so many schemes available for young people, even learning a trade like plumbing or electrician would likely see him and any family he has as having a better standard of living.

in addition we have all seen threads where some woman starts dating someone who works in the supermarket and the answers are often littered with I wouldn’t want to have a partnership with someone in unskilled work on a low wage, as it impacts our whole life, from what we can afford to do to our children.

so posters are advising well. Encourage him to learn more now, this is the time, pretending he may end up the ceo of the future is not really sensible.

When you talk to him, tell him in future to always be on his guard and never say anything that he wouldn't want repeating. This will make him think about his choice of words very carefully. Trust no one to have your back. They are colleagues, not friends. Gossiping about colleagues is a big no-no, regardless of the subject and whether it was shop floor or staff room or on a works night out. The same rules apply in all 'work' settings.

It was a piss poor attempt at humour. He knows he's done wrong, as do you, so I'm not going to bash him or you, unlike many will on here. Just give him some solid advice.

Example...An acquaintance mentioned seeing a cross dresser with far too much flesh on show in quite a posh setting. This was said at work, someone complained, it's now on his record and he's had a warning. There are so many topics that are off limits now and will get you into big trouble. Keep the workplace professional and he will stay out of trouble.

He's made a mistake, he'll face the consequences. Help him to learn from it. All the best to you.

He should offer to resign and ask for a factual reference only stating dates and job title.