DS has been suspended from work

[APandafromRwanda]

DS is 19 and has been in a retail job (a big chain) for about 8 months. He left college and didn't want to go to University so found himself a job in this shop

He called me yesterday asking if I could pick him up early (a few hours before his shift was due to finish). When he got in the car he then proceeded to tell me he's been suspended by management

The incident was that he was talking with two other members of staff. There was some banter about a third colleague (I will refer to them as Tom) who wasn't present. Ds then implied (he says he did not explicitly say this, or use the "p" word at any point) that Tom had indecent images on his phone. It was a joke

One of the present colleagues then went to management and reported him. The other colleague who was there has backed the first one up and given a statement saying the same thing. That Ds called Tom a "P doe file".

If he gets sacked (very likely at the moment) is he going to have to tell his next employer about why he was sacked or will it be mentioned on a reference?

I couldn’t agree more. Tom wasn’t even present during this ‘banter.’ It is good to see his colleagues have recognised the possible harm and reported him. OPs son has a lot of growing up to do.

Does he realise the police could have been involved and Tom could have said your son was bullying him, if it had of gone to the police they would have checked Toms phone and also your sons phone if hed being a bully and lying,.which would mean an innocent man(Tom) having his phone checked and your son having his phone checked,..no his current employer cant give a bad reference but im sure they can imply he was sacked or let go of,.im sure Tom wont go to the police but he could choose to

His only hope is to do some serious self-reflection, write a fulsome apology, and tell his employer he would welcome further training to educate himself about better behaviour.

Hopefully he can learn to be less of an idiot and generally a better person.

If they reported him and rightly so.i would say your son isnt liked at work and it seems with good reason

Exactly now you have no smoke without fire and everyone in the office now talking,.you dont seem concerned about Toms mental health

Don’t tar us all with the same brush. It was never acceptable to imply a colleague was a paedophile. Most of what was said as ‘banter’ when I was young wasn’t acceptable either.

Agreed which is exactly why they reported him

I don't know what 19 year old you know but "joking" in a work environment that a colleague has images of child sexual abuse is anything but normal!

He needs to take accountability for his actions and not blame his colleagues.

So interesting that no one has wondered why your son said it - did he have any reason to make a joke about it? Something the colleague had told him?

'It was a joke'
Explain it to me
I don't get it

Well what possessed him to falsely accuse someone of having CSA images on their phone?! That's a disgusting thing to say and it makes light of the horror of someone really doing that.

As a survivor of CSA, I have to say I agree. It’s something that no one should make a joke about. And at 19, he should know better.

He could also really damage Tom’s reputation, it’s good that he was reported before it escalated. Hopefully your DS will learn something from this.

I don't disagree that young people should explore options. But at the same time, it's helpful to have at least some idea of what they want to do. I have a colleague whose 20 year old son has done one term as an electrical apprentice (too hard and dropped out) and one year of an English degree and dropped out (too boring and hardly any actual lecture/tutorial time). He's now working in construction (labouring but well above minimum wage as they can't get workers otherwise) while waiting to be admitted to the armed forces. His parents have had to shell out for tuition fees and accommodation, none of which has paid off. I have a 50 year old neighbour who's STILL exploring options, having done umpteen different courses over the years, while being supported by his mother.

There is nothing wrong with getting a job and standing on your own two feet while you figure things out. No need to jump into something at 18 if you're not committed to it.

How dramatic!

He has done something incredibly stupid. He basically has two choices

1. Resign before being dismissed so he doesn't have to declare to potential new employer that dismissal was the reason for leaving
2. Await outcome of HR investigation, admit fault and apologies, and hope it's a final written warning. Checkout the employers disciplinary policy ( he should have been given a copy) for examples of gross misconduct.

Hopefully he has learned a life lesson and will be more careful in future

He may need a reference so even if he resigns, he should try to apologise.. Most but not all references nowadays from previous are simply to confirm dates of employment rather than character references..

Why didn't you just write the word paedophile?

This behaviour shows his immaturity and lack of DEI awareness, if he has had diversity training as part of his induction, then he has shown an inability to listen, learn or care. All he can do is admit it was a stupid mistake and read up on DEI before his next meeting with his employer to show he is trying to learn. Good luck to him

Then perhaps he will learn a very valuable lesson?

Not worth it for a retail job. Tell him to start applying for new places and leave of his own accord.

It is no joke if you go around making untrue slurs against colleagues. Your DS needs to grow up and act in a professional manner in the workplace. Perhaps this will make that happen.

This whole thread is quite dramatic. I teach teenagers up to the age of 18, and between year 11 and 13, this type of ‘joke’ is rife. Particularly with boys. That absolutely doesn’t make it acceptable, but teenage boys are notoriously immature. This has been a learning curve for him - because he has been unprofessional, and stupid.

Now the reality is, your son needs to find a new job. At 19, he can still get a reference from school or college if he cannot get one from his previous employer, but it may be a lesson in humility for him if he goes in, apologises to the manager and to Tom and asks for a reference.

Where I work it's encouraged that that sort of thing is reported so the others weren't in the wrong. You don't get to say stuff like about a colleague without repercussions. Your son's the one to blame here.

I work with 18/19/20s year olds and have done for 4 years. There is plenty of banter, but certainly not of any type of nasty sexual nature. It's not normal and I am around them, changes of staff each summer and xmas and this just doesn't happen.

Hopefully your ds can learn from this incident and in future not open his mouth and say something quite so stupid as to put his job in jeopardy. Your son isn't working with nasty people, he is working with people that care about others and if he'd been subjected to the same they would have had his back