DS has been suspended from work

[APandafromRwanda]

DS is 19 and has been in a retail job (a big chain) for about 8 months. He left college and didn't want to go to University so found himself a job in this shop

He called me yesterday asking if I could pick him up early (a few hours before his shift was due to finish). When he got in the car he then proceeded to tell me he's been suspended by management

The incident was that he was talking with two other members of staff. There was some banter about a third colleague (I will refer to them as Tom) who wasn't present. Ds then implied (he says he did not explicitly say this, or use the "p" word at any point) that Tom had indecent images on his phone. It was a joke

One of the present colleagues then went to management and reported him. The other colleague who was there has backed the first one up and given a statement saying the same thing. That Ds called Tom a "P doe file".

If he gets sacked (very likely at the moment) is he going to have to tell his next employer about why he was sacked or will it be mentioned on a reference?

Oh dear a tough but important lesson learnt. DS didn’t go to uni and had to learn pretty quickly what is deemed banter among school friends is just not appropriate in the work place. Your DS is very immature and this will be a good wake up call.

My DS only occasionally catches up with old school friends who went to Uni and he says nothing has changed with the banter and it’s a stark difference to socialising with work friends. I don’t think my D’s said anything quite so offensive in the name of banter at work but I’m fairly certain he has made himself look like a dick on occasion.

references can be bad as long as its truthful. Its a misconception that bad references are illegal.
So they can absolutely say he was sacked / disciplined and why.
Best to resign as that looks better on a reference (although it could still say disciplined).
Some companies only provide basic, dates only, references, but not all do, so I wouldn't assume his reference will be fine.
I would be giving my DC a bollocking and I hope your DS will be more careful in future. Clearly he isn't very mature, especially if he decided against university.

Sounds like overreaction, of course it depends on how it was said. Silly banter should never be used "as evidence". Is Tom a bit of a w*nker?

One of those bland "dates worked only" references are telling in themselves, as it's obvious why they are almost blank. If someone is an exemplary worker, the reference would say so.

Why on earth did he make such a dangerous joke? I can't fathom why he thought it was funny. It's such a dark and terrible place to go to - even for a joke. He FAFO'd, I'm afraid.

Well he will learn from this ,I have to say sadly he sounds like a stupid teenager .Maybe he will put a better effort if he is lucky enough to get an interview. He needs to be more aware, possibly he will be but yes I have to say he did deserve being sacked. Sorry Op I know he is your son but how come he is so unaware.

Well what possessed him to falsely accuse someone of having CSA images on their phone?! That's a disgusting thing to say and it makes light of the horror of someone really doing that.

How would he feel if someone said that about him? And it got round the local area? He could get beaten up or his home targeted.

My 18 year-old DS had a colleague "jokingly" say exactly this to him in front of a customer. He was mortified. I wish his work had dealt with it, but he was still expected to work with this colleague and ended up leaving, due to the stress of wondering what he might come out with next. It's taken a year for him to get some confidence back. It's a shitty thing to say.

Of course he shouldnt be saying these things. It is totally nasty and bullying and in no way a joke. Maybe he'll get a warning rather than sacked.

a customer had their phone stolen after leaving it on the seats in the shoe department. Not only could they see what happened but there was also perfectly clear audio from the shop floor of what the people who stole it said. (My dd was helping them with shoes so was shown the footage).,
How is this relevant? It doesn't even make sense.

DS is immature and needs to grow up. I'm not denying that

At the moment he's more focused on being angry with the colleagues that reported his comment. Fwiw the exact comment was more explicit than "checking Tom's harddrive".

From what Ds has told me it was also said on the shop floor rather than in a staff area, which makes it worse

I'm angry at him for being so stupid. He's waiting for a meeting to find out his fate. But based on your advice I've suggested he resigns asap

Hopefully it's a lesson learnt and he finally grows up.....🙄

I’m not sure blaming his colleagues instead of understanding why he was wrong is a sign of growing up op, I’m sorry

Op. He also has to understand why it’s not just rhe insult that’s the issue, it’s work place bullying and harrassment. Most employers are zero tolerance in this.

that employee can’t be expected to work with someone who says this about him and I’d hazard a guess he doesn’t treat this person with respect in the base case. Would you want to work with someone who was telling your colleagues you were a paedo.

the world of employment isn’t school. He’s expected to be a fully functional adult, what would be a slap on the wrist at school will be very different in the workplace,

being annoyed at the employees who told just highlights how immature he is, he’s treating rhis like school. the issue isn’t they told, it was his actions. And it’s bullying at its core.

Uni is not the answer to everything, in fact it can likely cause many issues if the student is not committed to it. Not to mention some of the useless degrees that are churned out which do nothing for future job prospects, and the cost of doing the degree.

There's nothing wrong with working in retail, apart from the sometimes obnoxious customers of course. He showed good initiative to go out and get a job actually, especially when we're always hearing that young people are experiencing real difficulty getting any job at all.

He's young and he made a stupid mistake. Hopefully he can put it right and learn from it.

Why are lecturing the OP as if it were the son?

They asked for advice on what would happen for future employment, not a lesson in why what they did was wrong.

…

I think unless on a management path it could lead to a life of low income jobs. Don’t get me wrong, these jobs need doing and it’s a honest days work for an honest days pay.but still at 19, I’d encourage training in something more lucrative that would also be enjoyable, ie a trade.

there is no joy in poverty and right now he likely has more money than his peers who are students, but thay will change and quite drastically in a few years , then he may struggle to keep up, on their nights out, holidays etc,
]if this is all he can achieve, fine but striving for something to secure your future financially is always good.

It definitely opens more doors, even in retail. And it shouldn’t be dismissed. This kid dismissed it, got a bog standard sales associate job and has now lost that. Maybe time to look at options.

Any degree can get you into a graduate programme. Tesco actually has a great graduate programme. With a degree, he can be in retail and have options.

Let’s be honest - the majority of people who go into these jobs at 18, are stuck in a cycle of low paid work. And yes, people have to do those jobs but traditionally those were student jobs.

And he doesn’t need to go to uni. He could learn a trade. My plumber has more money than most people I know with degrees.

He is young. This is the time to explore options.

@APandafromRwanda at first I didn’t know if you meant porn or paedophile. We are grown ups and allowed to use result words here and even swear words

Horrible attitude.

What are you hoping they go on to be: brain surgeons; cancer specialists; chief engineers or more likely, pen pushers?

Even If that is an accurate version of what happened, then he can probably expect to lose his job. I’m all for the bants but you have to play by the company rules.

Not a word to be used in banter at all stupid boy

Just be advised that, even with a resignation, the investigation is likely to continue.

I work in employment law and do a lot of consultancy for the hospitality sector. My advice to a client in a case like this would always be to conclude the investigation, and communicate the outcome to “Tom”, given the defamatory nature of your son’s statements. The company would be wise to ensure they’ve completed their internal review to show evidence that, once they were made aware of the potentially defamatory comments, they took appropriate steps to investigate and not let the comments go unchallenged.

Why is it horrible to want your child to have a job that gives them financial security as an adult and to support them to do that?

People saying this is 'normal banter' - are you for real?! Saying someone potentially has indecent child images in his hard drive?! You all must be on a different planet - that could ruin someones reputation if someone took it seriously! OP - your son needs to resign and for gods sake, i hope he learns from this! 19 as well?!

Can you explain why it would be ok for me to say, “I hope my kid works in a a supermarket when he grows up” but it’s not ok to say, “there are options and he should explore those and try for something that won’t be minimum wage.”

Look, if a supermarket job is the pinnacle for you then that’s great for you. You support your kids into that. I plan to support my kids to explore their options, and not to settle into something at 19 and make it harder for them to go somewhere else in life.

It’s so funny that you think I’m somehow wrong for that. But I guess it depends on where everyone is in life, and the sort of life they grew up in.

My kids may well work in a a supermarket for life, they could also become disabled and be unable to work. Anything could happen. All I want is for them to explore and try for things, not to settle at 19.