DS has been suspended from work

[APandafromRwanda]

DS is 19 and has been in a retail job (a big chain) for about 8 months. He left college and didn't want to go to University so found himself a job in this shop

He called me yesterday asking if I could pick him up early (a few hours before his shift was due to finish). When he got in the car he then proceeded to tell me he's been suspended by management

The incident was that he was talking with two other members of staff. There was some banter about a third colleague (I will refer to them as Tom) who wasn't present. Ds then implied (he says he did not explicitly say this, or use the "p" word at any point) that Tom had indecent images on his phone. It was a joke

One of the present colleagues then went to management and reported him. The other colleague who was there has backed the first one up and given a statement saying the same thing. That Ds called Tom a "P doe file".

If he gets sacked (very likely at the moment) is he going to have to tell his next employer about why he was sacked or will it be mentioned on a reference?

Put it down to a lesson learnt about conduct and appropriate behaviours in a work place.

He needs to resign today. Before they sack him. Which Id say is likely given the topic of conversation.

A 19 year old will say stupid things. It is his colleagues who a talking to. If DS did not call 'Tom' a paedophile, the other two are in the wrong.

Fuck me. That’s terrible.
Poor Tom.

Hopefully, your son will learn a valuable lesson from this debacle.

He didn't imply that his colleague had indecent pictures, he implied he had illegal pictures. And it's the most disgusting kind of crime. That's why he's in trouble.

edited to remove random asterisks

Sounds like a unfortunate incident of pub chat not working in the workplace, of one person's banter being another's bullying, and, as regards the responses here, to people reading the same thing in very different ways.

OP's kid has learned a lesson about workplace behaviour and I've learned that a lot of Mumsnetters should never risk a game of Cards Against Humanity.

Jokes are meant to be funny. Nothing about calling someone a p-doe-file is funny.
He is showing his immaturity and it's probably going to cost him his job. Let's see how funny he finds that.

No, he won’t have to disclose if he is sacked and no, it won’t be mentioned on a reference from a big chain retailer. I’ve worked for one myself, and like all the other companies I’ve worked for in the last 10 years, they only confirmed dates of employment and job title in references. I’ve handled references from M&S, Aldi, Lidl, Tesco and many other high street retailers. None disclosed reason for leaving.

I have worked in retail for 24 years and am very happy. It irritates me that people like you look down on what I do for a living.

@DolphinOnASkateboard
So really - you think implying a colleague has indecent images of children on his phone is pub banter? Or that the colleagues who heard this think it's bullying?

Good for you.

He prob was having banter but it's a hard lesson now. Don't banter with colleagues unless you know they have the same sense of humor. It's sad they could have just said that's not funny I don't appreciate that and told him off at the time rather than cry to HR. People have no backbones these days op better for your son to learn this now. He will be ok he's only young.

Many graduates can't get a job at the moment. And you can work your way up in retail

If it's a larger organisation like a large supermarket/Boots he will have had online training as to how you discuss other colleagues. If he's has this, then he was clearly in the wrong and needs to resign.

Moving forward, it might not come up if he's offered a job. DD has had four jobs, and it's only the most recent one who's approached her referees. I'm a lot older obviously, had five jobs in my lifetime. Only one asked for referees, and they didn't apply.

Closing dates will start to come up for Xmas staff. He could give that a go and hope. If not draw a line under it, and look into studying - a couple of years on future employers will be more interested in his course/qualifications than a job he did two years ago

He prob was having banter but it's a hard lesson now. Don't banter with colleagues unless you know they have the same sense of humor. It's sad they could have just said that's not funny I don't appreciate that and told him off at the time rather than cry to HR. People have no backbones these days op better for your son to learn this now. He will be ok he's only young.

Imagine Tom was your son @Theworldsgonemadagain ?
Would you consider it banter that a work colleague told other work mates that he had indecent images of children on his phone?

I work in a supermarket and I work with 18/19 year old. I have never heard anyone of that age calling someone a pedo as banter. Its not a joke and could potentially ruin someone's life.
The least the OPs son can do is apologise profusely and hope he learns a life lesson

He prob was having banter but it's a hard lesson now. Don't banter with colleagues unless you know they have the same sense of humor.

But he wasn't bantering with Tom. Tom wasn't there. If instead of reporting it, the other young men had repeated it to other people - more 'banter', no doubt - the whole workplace could have been talking about Tom having illegal images on his phone before he knew anything about it. His reputation could have been trashed because of this 'banter'.

I'm guessing he's said it in a similar fashion to when people say "his hard drive needs checking", which I seem to see everywhere with young men in particular online. Totally inappropriate at anytime never mind in the workplace. He's been very silly and I'm sure this will be a tough life lesson for him. It'll really depend on what the company he applies to reference process is, many only ask for confirmation of dates.

I think exactly what I said, and you've proved both my points perfectly. Firstly that someone might say something that would fit in with a jokey chat with their mates but doesn't work for the audience and context they're in, and second that we're all reading OP's post through our own lens - to me it sounded like he'd made "hard drive check needed" type joke, others clearly read it as "he made a serious suggestion that Tom is a nonce and tried to start a rumour to that effect.

Even if he resigns, his employers can state on a reference that he resigned while under investigation, so it's not an entirely get-out-of-jail-free card. Hopefully he's learnt his lesson that you absolutely cannot say this kind of thing in the workplace (whether he used the P word or just implied it) and really shouldn't be saying it anywhere else. Ruining innocent people's lives isn't 'banter' and neither is joking about child sex abuse.

As someone who has managed many, many young people during my career, I dispute the suggestion that they all talk like this. Most of them are sensible, professional people, not idiots.

Many employers ask if a person has been subject to any disciplinary proceedings, so they will have to be honest! If the question is on the reference and not answered it will ring alarm bells!

He will also have to have a plausible reason for resigning!

Oh dear.

Yeh, most definitely not jokes for the workplace and certainly need to know your audience if you’re going to make jokes like that!

Shame the colleagues didn’t feel like they could just explain they didn’t think the joke was appropriate and that be the end of it,

Why are you even getting involved in this? Your son is an adult at work, not a child at school. It’s up to him to manage the situation.

I m guessing they complained to HR because they were concerned he might carry on making these 'jokes' about another employee. Maybe he has done it before and ignored being told it wasn't funny and could be dangerous. It's not the person he was slandering who has reported him.

Hopefully he's learnt a lesson.
If he was my son there would be a serious chat about what os and isnt ok to say but also advise him to quit before being pushed. Ideally he would have resigned on the spot the other day when they mentioned suspension but he's young and learning a harsh lesson for the first time.

Id probably suggest getting on a course at the local college, there will still be some places. Even full time college is usually 2 to 3 part days a week. He can then find another part time job alongside his study once he knows his timetable and this will cover him for his CV going forward and hopefully by the time he needs full time job after college, he will be able to put college and his hopeful part time employer down as a reference and avoid having to use this one again.

Unfortunately, I think it can be "normal banter" among some teenagers, and what your DS is learning is that it's not okay. And this is why we need to continue to work really hard to educate our teenagers.

I think the first thing is he needs to understand and agree why it wasn't okay. When he goes to speak to HR, he needs to be very clear that he didn't mean it but he 100% accepts it was unacceptable and it won't happen again. If they want to fire him, he should ask if, as he's very young and he's learnt the lesson, can he please just resign instead so that it's not on his record.

Unfortunately, it's also very likely that if this is the kind of "banter" that he and his friends regularly do with each other, there have been other similar situations at work. Perhaps less obviously, or perhaps with colleagues who have not taken offense or perhaps with colleagues who didn't feel they could report it. So this really needs to be an important learning moment for him.