Partner kicking off over “autumn decor”

[inkyspells]

I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea but I enjoy decorating for autumn..nothing crazy just a few small candles /floral decorations and a nice candle.
Anyway partner told me I can’t put anything out till October.
i was in spare bedroom and seen a little candle “vanilla pumpkin” I thought oh il just put it on unit and maybe light it when it’s dark.

Partner just really kicked off
Its too early
looks stupid
I said October
You don’t listen
Not even joking either ,being really nasty about it

Anyway I’ve just put it back in the cupboard

Was I wrong to go against him and put the candle out ?
Even tho he said October

Never heard of a man bothered what candles the woman uses. I burn all kinds of candles at very random times

Who made him Lord and master of home decor

Exactly. That's Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen.
Seriously, OP, the issue isn't about a candle, as so many have said. the issue is him being controlling. It's a mad level of control but, as we have only heard one side, is it possible he worries about your spending and he is irritated by something deeper than a pumpkin candle itself?

Are you in debt? Because a pumpkin candle bought in debt would be a hell of a lot more annoying than a pumpkin candle you could happily afford ...

ETA I had a friend who was a shopaholic and got into huge debt as a student. It was exasperating when we (her friends) saw she had yet another pointless new thing that she really had not needed, because we worried for her.

Then again, if your finances are healthy, he is clearly just a control freak.

But be honest with yourself about whether this might be behind it op.

It’s Autumn in Scotland is it not? Also if ku king the smell of it then who gives a fuck if it’s seasonally correct?

I don't decorate for seasons other than Christmas, but DH couldn't give two hoots, I lit a candle tonight because it's chilly, raining and it feels cosy. I came home with a lovely new wooden platter for snacks/charcuterie least week and a couple of months ago bought two new espresso cups because they were pretty and look nice in the kitchen, even though I'm on decaf these days for health reasons and DH would drink his espresso from any old freebie mug. I know if DH lived alone he wouldn't have anything decorative, it would be utilitarian or hobby related, but he doesn't care that I like and buy these things!

It doesn't matter whether it's too early or not. His reaction was disproportionate and concerning.

My DH hates when I leave fairy lights up too long after xmas as he says it makes the house look too studenty. But he would never "kick off" about it. He would just roll his eyes a bit. That's a much more normal reaction to a decor disagreement.

Our under floor heating came on in the bathroom this evening, it's on a thermostat, it's chilly!

Ffs...crazy man ! I saw Halloween tat in the shops last week ! Omg ...can't stand it personally but surely as an adult in a partnership neither of you should be telling the other one what to do . It should be a consensus ?

It’s still summer in Scotland… like the rest of the UK. We are 17-21 degrees with sunshine this week, still sandal weather in Scotland 🤣.

@inkyspellsyour partners reaction was out of order. I personally don’t want any autumnal decor out until the end of September and I love changing candles, bedding, flowers etc just prefer it when the nights ‘draw in’.

Why have you ignored all the comments referencing your many other threads about your DH?

Well where I live in the UK it’s autumnal weather now. I’m always happy to class the season as autumn once the kids are eating blackberries on the way home from school which they have been doing this past week plus we’ve been needing a fire on in the evenings.

But - even if the weather was glorious if I wanted to put a candle on in my own home I would. Nobody has the right to belittle you or demand things nastily in your home, your sanctuary. If he truly doesn’t like something he should be communicating that in a respectful manner.

Life is so damn short. Get the candle back out. Think about what it’s highlighted to you about this poor specimen of a man.

Nope, not yet,

Are the other threads about spending?

No. Why don't you see for yourself?

This. ^ It's not Autumn ANYwhere in the UK yet. In fact, the weather reports suggest that we may have a sixth heatwave in the next week or so. May be up to 30C. (Even higher in some parts of the UK.) I wouldn't be putting any Autumn decorations up yet personally.

.

I don't think I have that feature.

But sorry for asking ...🤐I was trying to see if there might be something behind it, and I'm not suite sure why you felt it was necessary to be so rude.

I wasn't being rude at all. You can just search the ops name and see her comments.

Where r u? It's been lovy here in the middle of the country after a torrential cloud burst last night.

But regardless,

HE'S AN AGGRESSIVE CONTROLLING ARSE OP. DON'T PUT UP WITH IT

I just get "no results" if I do that. I never have been able to. Isn't it a premium feature?

I didn’t say it was astronomical autumn, I said the Irish seasons use astronomical timing. Lughnasa, on 1 August, is the cross-quarter point between the summer solstice and the autumn equinox, and marks the beginning of autumn here.

It’s been freezing in Yorkshire this week, I’ve had the heater on every day.

No. One UNLIT candle? Yeah, it’s still Against. But it’s not like you festooned the house in Autumn leaf garlands, Halloween skeletons, and such. I suggest you wait until October for the full on decorating. But who made DH the Holiday Police? He’s being a jerk.

DH wouldn’t even notice, he’s ridiculous, yes it’s not autumn but it’s a bloody candle and some decorations.

OP, kindly, why on earth did you value yourself so poorly to marry this unpleasant bully?
In the UK you need to have been married 12 months to start divorce proceedings but you can separate tomorrow. Life will be immeasurably better when you do.

Leave it until mid September at least, but October would be better. It's definitely still summer at the moment. Glad DH isn't into vanilla pumpkin candles, we'd never have got married. Can't stand that smell.

He sounds like a right nob.
I'd be putting out pumpkins, cobwebs and painting everything shades of fricking orange.
However it is August so have a word with yourself, op.