Partner kicking off over “autumn decor”

[inkyspells]

I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea but I enjoy decorating for autumn..nothing crazy just a few small candles /floral decorations and a nice candle.
Anyway partner told me I can’t put anything out till October.
i was in spare bedroom and seen a little candle “vanilla pumpkin” I thought oh il just put it on unit and maybe light it when it’s dark.

Partner just really kicked off
Its too early
looks stupid
I said October
You don’t listen
Not even joking either ,being really nasty about it

Anyway I’ve just put it back in the cupboard

Was I wrong to go against him and put the candle out ?
Even tho he said October

This is not the time to be talking about the weather. What are you going to do about your abusive husband?

It’s too early for ‘autumn decor’ but I can’t see what’s wrong with a scented candle. We have scented candles all year round.

Re-light the candle and tell him to fuck off next time he complains. You can put up whatever decorations you want to in your own home.

Yep. South West UK. Lovely and warm all day, clouded over slightly in the last 20 mins but just checked the weather apps and it’s 21 degrees. Still playing in garden, women in sleeveless tops, kids in swimsuits. No candles or central heating needed.

But can’t he also not want them? It’s his home too.

I think it would wind me up a tiny bit internally for you to be decorating for autumn in the summer but I wouldn't say anything about a candle. I have a winter candle of some sort on the go because I needed one and it was all I had.

Blimey, if you want to put up autumn stuff at home you can for goodness sake!
Some homes have christmas decorations up ALL YEAR! Not my bag but so bloody what!!!
MN's autumn police out in full force on this one! 🙄

But it isn't that he doesn't want them... He wants them when he says it's "ok"

He's controlling the OP, just look at her other threads about him, he's awful.

I’d be up all night putting my Christmas decorations up to piss him off!

Really sorry to hear that and it does sound like this is the tip of the iceberg.

Have you not found your other threads about this man helpful? You are doing yourself a disservice every day you don't dump him.
Have you contacted Women's Aid?

It's August, still summer. I get unreasonably annoyed when people say it's autumn before it is. Schools go back in August here and some people immediately act as though it's autumn.
IKEA had Halloween items in July!
I love autumn but don't rush away the year.

Edited to add: sorry, I didn't read your op properly. If your husband is seriously annoyed or controlling about a candle that's not ok

It’s not about the candle. There’s no way he should be kicking off about something so small. What’s he going to be like when he’s angry about something important? This could really escalate

Put it up his arse, followed by a floral decoration and remind him that he is not your dad and you will not be addressed as if you are a half witted teenager.

If he wants to speak, he speaks respectfully or not at all and if that is problematic for him, remove your decorations from his arse, pack them up with your other belongings and say goodbye.

Only since SM normalised it the past few years.

We know it's not normal or historically normal, because of supermarkets.

You didn't have Easter decorations until a few years ago.... But now each Easter it's not just eggs, it's decorations, crafts, Easter themed pyjamas in the supermarkets.

You never really saw Halloween decorations in there either, again until a few years ago, with seasonal aisle full of "spooky" things spooky biscuits etc etc

You never ever saw autumn decor in Tesco until this year... But now every August we're going to have pumpkin cushions, leafy decorated mugs, "It's pumpkin spice season!" Jumpers, autumn wreaths etc

Maybe this'll stop the Christmas creep! Maybe we won't have Christmas rammed down our throats from 1 September anymore!

They won't have room for autumn, Halloween AND Christmas crap to buy!

1- That’s exactly the reason why a marriage is suppose to be a partnership and requires compromise. No one can come and say ‘I’m telling you’re not allowed to put a scented candle’. So the dh is hugely in the wrong there

2- she was putting a scented candle on. Since when do we have a time of the year to light a candle and not others?!? Esp in the spare bedroom? Who decides what is and isn’t an autumn candle exactly?

He is being a dick obviously. If it were me, would go straight on the asda george website and order a bunch of stuff from their summerween range. The jack o lantern pineapple will be perfectly summery. He will have tied himself up with his own rules then.

Why not make it a hat-trick and place some Easter Eggs around the place ?

He sounds controlling and nasty, kicking off over a candle is so strange.

He is correct that it's not autumn yet but the right things to donis discuss and make decor decisions together.

Personally I wouldn't count a single candle as decorating though, scents are not limited to a time of year I don't think. I regularly have cinnamon scent candles and also a lovely chocolate one too. I don't care that it's not Christmas or Easter, a nice smell is lovely regardless of time of year

How do you negotiate with a man that barks at you and give you order as if you were in the army?

@inkyspells please don’t even try to negotiate with him. He’ll just use that as a way to get you down even more and have a rigut go at you.

It’s clear from your 2 posts tyat you’re completely beaten down. You dint know where up is and whether it’s ok to be screamed at fir a scented candle.

Now listen. No one deserves to be spoken like this.
It’s not ok. It’s not even rude. It’s abusive and controlling.
Do you have anyone you can talk to in RL?
Have you tried to contact Women Aid?
You need support. Your dh is not a ‘dear’. He is an arsehole.

i couldn’t be with someone who does any seasonal theme shite at any time of the year. The words ‘Cosy season’ give me inexplicable rage.
but he chose you, and this is part of you so he’s a controlling piece of shit who should love you for who you are

Since the weather broke you can feel the
change in the season beginning.

I tend to start putting out autumn coloured throws and getting autumn scented candles out ready the end of August. It doesn’t mean I think summer has ended, it’s a nod to the shift in the season.

Fortunately, I live alone with my children and can do as I please without judgement!

Why are you with someone so nasty and angry?
What a waste of a life.

I dont do autumn decor cant see the point, but i do have candles when i want, ive got one now burning.

Couldn`t give a hoot what time the year it is if i want to light a candle i bloody well will.
You have a partner problem not an autumn decor one.
Ditch the prick and live your life your way.

My husband hates Christmas decorations. His family traditionally put a small artificial tree up on Christmas Eve and taken down day afrer Boxing Day. No lights, nothing around the room just a 3ft tree with a few balls on. My family are totally different and have always made the most of Christmas. When we had the children, I put up more decs in our house to make it a magical experience for my little boys. To say he wasnt happy was an understatement. Why did we have to have all of this rubbish around the house? It just gathers dust if you put it up before Christmas Eve and the saga went on with him moaning and me putting another ornament up every time he complained. I had many conversations with him about why he disliked any form of Christmas decoration, none of his reasons were solid. Decided at that point despite his sulking, the decs were staying up for the children and his dislike was less about Christmas and more about control. I think that's where your issue lies too. It is too early for Halloween IMHO, but no man will ever dictate to me when and what I can put up for any activities. Husband is fully trained now, took a while but we got there.