Husband's bad mood on holiday has made the whole trip miserable

[TheLizardQueen]

Holiday ruined 😡 Arrived in the Lake District on Friday. All going well until yesterday we went to explore. DH moaned and rolled his eyes all day making it not a nice experience. Same again today when we went out. Moaned at DD because there were shops she wanted to visit. Said he was going to wait in the car for us. Didn’t come into any shops and instead waited outside in a mood. Went for dinner as a treat. He said his meal was horrible (ours was great) complained about the table next to us talking too loud. Complained all the way home because DD sat in the front and played her music, which I don’t mind. DD can’t sit in the back due to windy roads and travel sickness. Then he told her she was making it all up because she wanted to sit in the front seat. I’m the driver btw, DH doesn’t drive. She was mad that he said she lies about having travel sickness. Then he told her to not talk to her for the rest of the holiday. She’s in her room alone. You can cut the atmosphere with a knife. Worst thing is we’re here with his parents (who I love) but his mum is taking his side in all this. Me and DD just want to go home. We’re walking on egg shells. I can’t even look at him, he thinks he’s done nothing wrong. Seriously thinking about my future now 😞 Been together 23 years. DD is 19 and still (usually) loves coming on holiday with us. I’m so sad 😞

I’m so sorry he’s done this on your holiday, this is horrible for both you and your DD 😔 my partner can be like this sometimes and ‘eggshells’ is exactly how I’d describe it as well. It’s awful and ruins everything. If there’s anything you and DD want to do/see where you are then I’d just make the most of the time with her and go and explore / enjoy your holiday and leave him with his enabling mother. If there’s nothing in the area tempting either of you then honestly I’d just head home without him and leave him to make his way home with his mum at the end of their holiday. I’d also probably start saving for a little weekend away just you and DD to make it up to her and also have a happier, more relaxed little break for you as well 💐

If you are the driver you could just … go home

Jeez oh OP. Wishing you some good times and luck for the rest of this year. You sound so measured and balanced in your posts. Feel really sorry for you and your DD. He brings so little to the table. Wee pad of your own and no more drama or negativity be amazing. You could put a shot across the bough now. Say to him: the holiday showed me how little we have in common, the negativity was really draining. We’ll see how it goes but just letting you know if there’s no improvement in coming weeks I think we need to have a serious discussion about calling it quits.

Be his loss, and your gain. One dependent instead of 2, freedom, peace of mind and less housework. Nothing beats being able to shut your own front door and no one there to be dramatic. Don’t need to argue, just say I’ve said my piece, the ball’s in your court now but if DD and I don’t make you happy, and you feel you have to moan about everything that to me is no life and unworkable.

You really are a nasty twat .

Most effective travel sickness medication causes extreme drowsiness and so affects what people can do at the end of a journey. If a person can tolerate a journey in the front seat but not the back, without feeling ill why would you expect them to be medicated if there is an unaffected person who can sit in the back instead?

I am holding no one hostage BTW I drive my own car and don't ever opt to be a passenger in anyone else's except in an emergency. That alright with you?

What a sham of a marriage . I had one like this too. Thank fuck hesnow an exh.
We had an incredible holiday last month, me and ds , no grumpy cunt in tow. Please make plans to not waste the next 23 years, on this.

Haven't RTFT but I'm wondering why you enable him so much. You make it easy for him, subsidise him, taxi him everywhere. Have you ever seriously challenged the imbalance or his ingratitude? I imagine this dynamic has gone on for a long time and it won't change unless you do something different.

@JustPoppinBy thank you. The two of us are going to London next weekend for a gig. He didn’t want to come. I’ll definitely make it up to her then.

This

Did your DH say what the matter was? Was it that he preferred to do something different?

Please don't continue to settle for this. Relationships should be built of equal input overall. How would you feel if your lovely DD was in a relationship like this?

He sounds like a manchild. How awful to treat his daughter like that. You are better than that. Calmly tell him that he needs to mature and not treat you or your daughter like he does.

You mean his mother agrees that DD is faking travel sickness?

My take on this is that your DH feels like it’s two against one. You and your daughter have a close relationship and enjoy doing the same things. DH doesn’t want to do those things and feels left behind. Even if it’s his choice not to do what you want, he still feels unwanted and unnecessary. With his mum there as wingman he felt brave enough to voice his upset at being relegated to the back seat. I might be playing devils advocate here but no man likes to feel worthless and I think he does.
if you treat him as a useless burden, then he will behave like one. You might discover that when your daughter leaves home and balance is not so one sided things might improve. My opinion, for what it’s worth is that nobody responds well when they feel diminished. You do have to accept the fact that your daughter has your back and she has yours - where does that leave your DH? He has nobody if you don’t support him. How would you feel if the roles were reversed - pretty lonely and isolated I would guess. No wonder he escapes the bleak reality of his life!

Why are you putting up with this?

Take the car, go somewhere else with your DD and leave the grumpy fucker with his parents. They can sort themselves out. Life is way too short for this shit.

What a horrible, controlling, miserable prat. your. husband sounds like. He is enjoying being like this and is getting off at this at some level.

He obviously doesn't want to be there.
What is his beef.? Why is he so unhappy?

That’s your answer. Holiday with DD but not DH in future, or as 2 generations not 3.

IME multigenerational holidays always hold this potential for someone to act a child as an adult with their parents around.

Is he depressed or something? Not that that's a get out of jail card but that behaviour isn't normal for an adult. He needs to see someone outside the marriage about his issues, or indeed you are quite reasonable to not want to continue.

Can I suggest you contact the Cinnamon Trust tomorrow and find him another elderly dog. That should buy you a few years of nice holidays while you leave the miserable *ucker at home!

Did you even read the bit where OP relates how he went part-time and agreed to shoulder the bulk of the housework, then didn't bother and left it all to her? This is a far wider issue than what you describe here.

Just bin the miserable fucker

Hahaaa haaaa rofl this is an entertaining little fantasy

Given your husband doesn’t save or have much money I suggest future holidays are just for you and DD. Stop paying for him. He is only 50 and probably doesn’t have much by way of a pension so putting your foot down now while he has time to find a second or better job or go full time is essential if he is lazy. It does not sound like you want to retire with him around so making a plan to split at some point seems sensible. Be much more selective about how you spend your money. I would also stop driving him around. Lazy selfish cockwomble.

OP he sounds just like my dad. Two questions - does he drink? And is he neurodiverse? Seem to be some signs of autism here which can really rear its head in men as they get older - eg my dad.