Husband's bad mood on holiday has made the whole trip miserable

[TheLizardQueen]

Holiday ruined 😡 Arrived in the Lake District on Friday. All going well until yesterday we went to explore. DH moaned and rolled his eyes all day making it not a nice experience. Same again today when we went out. Moaned at DD because there were shops she wanted to visit. Said he was going to wait in the car for us. Didn’t come into any shops and instead waited outside in a mood. Went for dinner as a treat. He said his meal was horrible (ours was great) complained about the table next to us talking too loud. Complained all the way home because DD sat in the front and played her music, which I don’t mind. DD can’t sit in the back due to windy roads and travel sickness. Then he told her she was making it all up because she wanted to sit in the front seat. I’m the driver btw, DH doesn’t drive. She was mad that he said she lies about having travel sickness. Then he told her to not talk to her for the rest of the holiday. She’s in her room alone. You can cut the atmosphere with a knife. Worst thing is we’re here with his parents (who I love) but his mum is taking his side in all this. Me and DD just want to go home. We’re walking on egg shells. I can’t even look at him, he thinks he’s done nothing wrong. Seriously thinking about my future now 😞 Been together 23 years. DD is 19 and still (usually) loves coming on holiday with us. I’m so sad 😞

Ha ha! Well maybe both could be true.

@Yestoactive Yes - but that was to enable DH to have the time to do some of the lifting at home, not to sit around moaning and OP still has to do all the work.

He brings nothing to the relationship and to be honest it doesn't even sound like you like him, let alone love him.

I don't blame you, I couldn't be with such a dead weight either but this isn't a marriage OP.

Indeed we did make it a joint decision but he hasn’t pulled his weight and so it’s still all left to me.

A day late to this, but since he doesn’t drive. Get in your car with DD and leave him there to make his own way home with his mother. Go and find a lovely hotel somewhere and enjoy the rest of your holiday with just you and DD.

@Yestoactive indeed she does adore him though god only knows why. Don’t get me wrong they do get on normally, but he can be horrible too.

Exactly. Life is short.

My ex is a raging alcoholic with a serious anger management issue and all kinds of other problems. DD loves him because he is her dad. They still have some issues in their relationship. Lots. But at heart she loves him. I can see that changing a lot over the last year though as she’s grown up.

Ooh that is actually infuriating. She should sit in the back and puke so he can ride in the front? What a self important git, I would not want to drive him anywhere with that nasty attitude.

OP You mentioned that he doesn't go out much, or do much , but also that he is in debt.
Is he a gambler?

Is that why he's miserable?

@TheLizardQueen - when you say she adores him, do you think she might just be trying to win his approval by showing love, conforming to what he wants to do etc?

Sounds to me that you’ve nothing to lose by getting rid of him. You are subsidising him now as he only works part time, and he contributes nothing to home in terms of labour.
Split now, buy him out of the house and then start to make savings otherwise you’ll be giving him half the house as well as any savings you make.
He literally brings nothing to the table.

Sorry OP but you've modelled the most unloving relationship to your DD. Your DH sounds like a complete waster. She has learnt to love a mean unloving waster in your DH. That means she is primed herself to go for a mean unloving waster...

I'd split right now and make the separation which is so obviously going on between you, formal.

We create unconscious patterns in our children, through the decisions we make and what we tolerate in our partners..

Speaking from unfortunate experience of having done the exact same thing... but now in therapy and changing and kids in therapy too.

Don't wait. Show her you're not a doormat. Show her she's worthy of more respect and kindness.

take a pill and stop people hostage to your 'car sickness'.

Ugh, Men and shopping just don't seem to go together, it's so frustrating. Suggest to your DD that you both have a Mum & daughter day together and enjoy some girly time once you are back home. Or maybe your DH could go to the pub with his father and you could have perhaps an hour with your daughter & mother-in-law popping into the shops?

It's unfortunate that his meal wasn't good, but there's not much you can do about that.

As for taste in music, Mum's are just incredibly patient! Does your DD have ear pods, so that she can listen to it by herself?

It sounds as if you have a great relationship with her, which is wonderful. Hope the rest of the holiday goes better. Do you like playing family games - scrabble, cards etc, which help get everyone together and hopefully laughing again.

Good luck x

@Yestoactive18 and about to go to university. As I said, she’s far less enamoured of his behaviour now and spends less and less time with him. I actually never asked her why she adored him because that wouldn’t be appropriate. But I have spent the 6 years since I left trying to model how to deal with him in a dignified way. He’s one who expects everyone else to fall into line with what he wants and sulks and strops when they don’t. And that’s when he’s sober.

Funnily enough 18 year olds might sometimes want to do something different to 50 something men. Or women for that matter. I don’t get offended if she wants to spend some time on holiday going to the shops - if i don’t want to go with her (actually half of the time I do) I’ll go do something else and then coo over her purchases when she shows them to me. He will like the OP’s DH strop and sulk if she does the same on holiday with him. One reason she doesn’t ever go away with him anymore. Amongst many reasons she doesn’t see him that much at all. The holiday behaviour is often just the tip of the iceberg. If you can’t chill on holiday and let everyone have their moments to do what they want, assuming not harming anyone else, when can you?

The number of really big milestones in her life that he’s not really been part of is telling. I hosted her 18th birthday, mostly her friends but a few important adults in her life there like my sister, exDH’s sister and her children etc. She didn’t want her DF there. She also doesn’t want him to take her up to Uni. She says he’ll just have a strop about some perceived slight to his “authority” and she doesn’t want a big moment for her ruined.

This. Absolutely this. I’m hoping and praying that I haven’t set my DD up for the same kind of relationship that I put up with.

You’re right I have no idea. And I’m not about to ask her either. She’s a young adult who can make her own choices. I’m not about to sway her decision but she will find out herself soon enough I’m sure. At the end of the day he’s still her dad!!

No nothing like that. He’s never had debt doesn’t even have a credit card!