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Original poster

Would you object to this comment in a headteacher’s staff address? WWYD?

167 replies

Meckrel · Yesterday 14:38

End of term address to staff by the HT of a large and successful secondary school.

There were some tech problems at the start and he opened his remarks by saying "two things I hate, microphones and women who say no".

Now, who knows what he was actually thinking. I don't think (hope) he meant sexually, but even in the context of "difficult" women that's not OK for a teacher and employer to say? Is it?

It was an address to staff thanking them for the year etc etc. Most people laughed. Would you?

OP posts:
Candymouth · Yesterday 20:39

Meckrel · Yesterday 20:38

Laughing and finding it funny are not necessarily the same thing.

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How do you know whether those laughing or not were being genuine? I would presume an adult teacher laughing is… laughing because they find it funny.

and if they weren’t being genuine and felt they had to laugh at this appalling comment… that in itself is concerning

EmmaB1309 · Yesterday 21:07

Ew no that’s totally inappropriate!

Humblebumbley · Yesterday 21:10

Gross

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General education
Maisey1991 · Yesterday 22:05

ShetlandishMum · Yesterday 14:40

I would think it was a staff joke and carry on.

Absolutely not appropriate- what message is that sending to people?? It’s 2026 this type of bollocks needs reigning in

Bigreddog25 · Yesterday 22:25

That's actually outrageous. But this is mumsnet so you'll get the pick me's telling you it's just a joke.

Bigreddog25 · Yesterday 22:31

RanniTheWitch · Yesterday 15:43

I remember I once told my personal trainer I wanted to play with his battle rope. I genuinely wanted to have a go at using the battle rope (a piece of gym equipment) but I actually said the words “I want to play with your battle rope” and he just stared at me awkwardly. I didn’t even realise until hours later that he thought I was coming onto him. I felt absolutely awful and almost text him to apologise, but then decided the best option was just to never mention it again. Luckily he was more reasonable than some posters here and didn’t get me banned from the gym for inappropriate behaviour over one stupid comment.

My point is, we can all say stupid things sometimes. He might not have realised what he was saying. Give him the benefit of the doubt.

Those things aren't remotely similar are they? You said you wanted to use his gym equipment and the head teacher said he hates women who say no.

His comment wasn't misinterpreted by the poster like yours was by the trainer. He actually meant what he said.

Bigreddog25 · Yesterday 22:36

MyDarlingRose · Yesterday 17:23

No but it’s ok to dislike being rejected. That’s normal.

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Ita not OK to hate a woman for rejecting you for a date is it?? That's incel behaviour.

StarDolphins · Yesterday 22:50

I wouldn’t complain or be upset about this at all!

Chilly80 · Yesterday 23:30

Completely inappropriate

Dered · Yesterday 23:31

Totally inappropriate. If a teacher said that to a class what would SMT do ?
Abhorrent

GentlemanJay · Yesterday 23:32

Bloody odd.

Pyjamatimenow · Yesterday 23:34

I’m a teacher, dh is a teacher and we are both shocked. Definitely needs a complaint. He’s not fit for the job

donotgettheangst · Yesterday 23:57

Completely unacceptable, and to be reported! It's not a joke - it's encouraging sexual assault.

Candymouth · Today 07:13

StarDolphins · Yesterday 22:50

I wouldn’t complain or be upset about this at all!

You are likely very vulnerable to horrible men then @StarDolphins

ByQuaintAzureWasp · Today 08:58

Pass on to your trade union to deal with. Totally unacceptable.

ParsleySageToiletDuckAndBinBags · Today 10:27

Passingthrough123 · Yesterday 18:23

Ah. I see what you meant. Well, I still mean what I wrote. There's zero context from OP that he said this in the context of meaning he'd sexually assault or rape a woman who said no, if this incident even happened at all.

I'm going to say this, and I'll probably get flamed for it, but I don't understand the automatic man hate on MN. As the mother of a DD, I call out men's shitty behaviour to her and she's got brilliant boundaries. I have been on the receiving end of shitty behaviour and my boundaries are rock solid too. (FYI, I call out women's shitty behaviour too!) But as I get older, approaching mid-50s, I do worry that the prevailing assumption that every man deep down is a rape-driven sexual deviant is what's driving the likes of Andrew Tate to fill men's head with even more dangerous rhetoric. It's like everything is black and white and there's no nuanced thinking. It's us versus men and that's it, and if you dare to suggest that not every behaviour or comment by a man has deviant intent, you're leapt on for not being a feminist or called even worse names. Go sisterhood.

Or maybe it's just Mumsnet, because I don't have these damning conversations about men in real life with my friends. I pity your sons growing up though – young men are being doomed even before they've even had the chance to prove themselves.

Edited
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I hate it too when MNers treat all men as one big homogenous blob and express their hate for them all because of what some of them do... but that is absolutely not the case here. Here, it is actually one of those men who has said something that strongly indicates misogyny on his part - and so HE is being taken to task for it.

Even if he did only mean it 'innocently', it was only 'funny' in the context of people understanding it as though he DID mean it in the obvious way it would be taken. Jimmy Carr does this as his stock-in-trade: using deniability and faux-innocence for when he pushes things too far, but we all know his full intention.

CurlewKate · Today 10:47

ParsleySageToiletDuckAndBinBags · Today 10:27

I hate it too when MNers treat all men as one big homogenous blob and express their hate for them all because of what some of them do... but that is absolutely not the case here. Here, it is actually one of those men who has said something that strongly indicates misogyny on his part - and so HE is being taken to task for it.

Even if he did only mean it 'innocently', it was only 'funny' in the context of people understanding it as though he DID mean it in the obvious way it would be taken. Jimmy Carr does this as his stock-in-trade: using deniability and faux-innocence for when he pushes things too far, but we all know his full intention.

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I just don’t see “automatic man hate” on Mumsnet. What I see is “automatic give men the benefit of the doubt” “automatic appease men” “automatic poor men they’re trying their best”……

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