Would you object to this comment in a headteacher’s staff address? WWYD?

[Meckrel]

End of term address to staff by the HT of a large and successful secondary school.

There were some tech problems at the start and he opened his remarks by saying "two things I hate, microphones and women who say no".

Now, who knows what he was actually thinking. I don't think (hope) he meant sexually, but even in the context of "difficult" women that's not OK for a teacher and employer to say? Is it?

It was an address to staff thanking them for the year etc etc. Most people laughed. Would you?

No I bloody wouldn't. And I might complain too.

I would think it was a staff joke and carry on.

Women who say no? WTF? That’s actually unbelievable and even if it were a joke it’s unacceptable especially for someone in his position. I can’t think of an explanation where it’s ok.

Id assume they all laughed out of sheer awkwardness and feeling very sorry for him thinking that was even slightly funny.

Its not ok at all. But you'll get told it was just a joke etc etc

Grim. That would make me wonder what he's like at home behind closed doors.

Does he have form for this? Or completely and utterly out of the blue?

Wtf!! A headteacher? That's so bizarre, and not OK!

Oh dear he’s a bit old school. Cue outrage.

I’m usually all for the “it’s just a joke” rhetoric, but what possible staff joke could this be?! Why couldn’t he have said colleagues that say no? What if I, a woman, want to say no to his non-sexual demands - that now feels career defining, so should I feel like I need to get back into my obedient woman box? No truer word than said in jest and all that.

Absolutely unacceptable as an employer (and on reflection probably just an unacceptable for him to have said “colleagues that say no” if he wants any change of building a psychologically safe and collaborative work environment).

I’d complain about that - it seems to normalise or trivialise a very serious issue. But I’m passive aggressive and petty so I’d do it in a roundabout “some staff have raised concerns about this to me privately, could you perhaps clarify what was meant?” kind of way rather than confronting it head on.

I’m generally relaxed about workplace banter but that is grim.

Even if no one else had raised this with you?

My boss could have said it to me and I would laugh. People are so serious nowadays.

Complain if you like I wouldn't bother.

Yes either this or raise it anonymously. Plenty of people heard it so it could be anyone complaining.

Sad this has to be a suggestion but as you can see there are some people still alive that think this humour is harmless.

Not old school. Just totally unacceptable whatever the age group.
Gives me the "ick".
I think I would have been one of those "women who say no" and left the room if he didn't apologise.
Surprised nobody else did - or at least passed comment. The silence is what makes these misogynists think what they say is OK.
The staff at this school appear to be very docile or under the thumb.

I don’t think your agism is harmless. I think your agism wasn’t a joke and is toxic.

It sounds quite incredible but is there context you have not included? Was this just to staff or to parents and pupils as well? Is there an in joke about women at work saying no to him?

It would certainly lead to some re-education in my workplace.

That remark alone should disqualify him from being considered suitable as a headteacher. There's no way it can be interpreted as 'misguided banter' - it's basically him hiding his true self in plain sight.

If he'd said something like "I hate it when beautiful women don't fancy me", that would 'only' be awkward, inappropriate and irrelevant; but it's terrifying to think that he's in charge of so many young boys when he's actively promoting this mindset.

Totally unacceptable, particularly in a school setting. The fact that he made the comment means that he is not an appropriate person to be in charge of a school, surely he must know how misogynistic that is.
So I’d be complaining to the Chair of Governors, in writing.

Well my jaw dropped just reading that.

Yes. I’ve had previous bad experiences of directly stating I thought something was sexist, and the man involved was quite unpleasant/vindictive in the way he dealt with me for years afterwards. Not at a level that I could have complained to HR about it (or I could have but wouldn’t have won any dispute), but enough that it made working life unpleasant. So I wouldn’t have any issue now just saying that other colleagues had concerns - in a packed staff meeting it’s not like you’re throwing anybody else under the bus, but you’re getting a little distance/protection for yourself.

You brought it up with the "old school" comment.

But apologies you were upset. I hope youre ok.

That is grim. and I would complain.

And it isn't old school. My dad was old school (born in 1926). He wouldn't have said that and wouldn't have found it funny or appropriate at all.

My boss could have said it to me and I would laugh. People are so serious nowadays.

I know! I miss the days when rape was funny.

Wouldn’t find that funny. It’s shocking he thought it was ok to say this!