Would you object to this comment in a headteacher’s staff address? WWYD?

[Meckrel]

End of term address to staff by the HT of a large and successful secondary school.

There were some tech problems at the start and he opened his remarks by saying "two things I hate, microphones and women who say no".

Now, who knows what he was actually thinking. I don't think (hope) he meant sexually, but even in the context of "difficult" women that's not OK for a teacher and employer to say? Is it?

It was an address to staff thanking them for the year etc etc. Most people laughed. Would you?

Even if it were meant in that way -

a) totally inappropriate for a HT to make a joke about his sex life (or lack of) in a whole staff meeting
b) totally inappropriate to suggest it’s ok to hate women who decline a date

There is no way this comment can be excused or shrugged off. It’s misogyny and it’s unprofessional. It’s appalling and sadly for those of us who’ve been in teaching for a long time, really not that unusual. A lot of male SLT are Neanderthals.

Yes I would. The fact that anyone thinks this is OK is proof positive that there is still a need for feminism.

Is it an in-joke referring to some female teachers who refused to do something he asked or implement some dictat from him or poo pooled some idea he had? Ie it’s a in-joke for the staff? I mean, just as an anecdote, I would assume it was, as it’s such a bizarre comment otherwise. It’s not even funny unless there’s some context.

It wouldn’t bother me. Was this said in a primary school? Im asking this because I’ve worked with several primary schools where there hasn’t been a single Mae teacher or teaching assistant.

This! He could've been referring to a female member of staff refusing to let him turn the volume up to max on the microphone after they were having technical difficulties. OP has given zero context, yet everyone's jumped to the assumption he must be rapey.

I’m not jumping to the conclusion that he is rapey. I’m drawing the obvious and natural conclusion that he is completely unable to read tone. Which is worrying in a head teacher.

There is no context in which that comment would be acceptable. It needs addressing. Raise with governors.

You missed my point so much it’s not even funny.

Were ‘most people’ men?😡

Not OK, at all. I work in a school and this would never be said and if it was, I’d expect it to be a HR issue.

OP could he be a keen gardener with a speech impediment and maybe he meant he hates women who say "sow", instead of "propagate"?

Ah. I see what you meant. Well, I still mean what I wrote. There's zero context from OP that he said this in the context of meaning he'd sexually assault or rape a woman who said no, if this incident even happened at all.

I'm going to say this, and I'll probably get flamed for it, but I don't understand the automatic man hate on MN. As the mother of a DD, I call out men's shitty behaviour to her and she's got brilliant boundaries. I have been on the receiving end of shitty behaviour and my boundaries are rock solid too. (FYI, I call out women's shitty behaviour too!) But as I get older, approaching mid-50s, I do worry that the prevailing assumption that every man deep down is a rape-driven sexual deviant is what's driving the likes of Andrew Tate to fill men's head with even more dangerous rhetoric. It's like everything is black and white and there's no nuanced thinking. It's us versus men and that's it, and if you dare to suggest that not every behaviour or comment by a man has deviant intent, you're leapt on for not being a feminist or called even worse names. Go sisterhood.

Or maybe it's just Mumsnet, because I don't have these damning conversations about men in real life with my friends. I pity your sons growing up though – young men are being doomed even before they've even had the chance to prove themselves.

I do worry that the prevailing assumption that every man deep down is a rape-driven sexual deviant is what's driving the likes of Andrew Tate to fill men's head with even more dangerous rhetoric

I like that Andrew Tate's hatemongering is now the fault of women. Well done.

Also you should realise that if a male headteacher makes a joke about women who say no to him most of us think he is a tone-deaf ass who needs to have it pointed out to him that this was not appropriate or funny. NOT that he is a rape-driven sexual deviant deepdown - only you made that leap.

Does he have form for saying inappropriate things? I think at this point you request that he explains his comment and what he meant by it and see if he digs the hole bigger or realizes it was inappropriate.

seems like head teacher needs to be schooled on how his words impact people and how not to be an insensitive jerk. I take it you do have girls in the school?

FFS, this is exactly what I mean. I haven't said Andrew Tate is women's fault, but you went straight there. Well done.

And I didn't make the leap, others did up the thread.

Dont pity my boys. They are absolutely chill with the fact that joking about hating women who say no is really not on 👍

I really hope it’s not United Learning 😬

Actually passingthrough that is exactly what you said. I quoted it. you worry that women's so called demonization of men is making Andrew Tate more attractive to men. Follow the logic of that.

It was last thing before everyone left for the summer. The people on my table weren't impressed but we're all middle aged women known for not being able to "take a joke". Most people did laugh at the time.

My assumption is he meant stroppy women who don't do his bidding, not necessarily sexual at all.

I didn’t even think about in a rapey way until someone on here said it, I thought about the HT having to work with lots of headstrong women who aren’t afraid to stand their ground and say no. But yuck , either way it was a horrible comment to make.

I hadn't assumed it was a sexual remark at all. I thought he probably meant women, probably in the workplace. who don't do as they're told without question. Stil not Ok?

I said it's driving him, yes. Did I blame women for his existence? No. That's my point, there's no nuanced thinking on MN any more, just a herd mentality. And attacks/abuse for anyone who dares to voice a different opinion to the herd.

Oh, and look, there's OP jumping back on with the context. Wasn't a sexual comment at all.

But thank you @Pallisers, you've managed to persuade me to what I've been thinking of doing for a very long time and I'm off to deactivate my account. The MN mindset is just too narrow and too hysterical to take any debate on here seriously any more.

Disgusting. Complain

I haven't assumed rapey at all, just sexist and disrespectful.

Even if it was one women who'd let him down over the microphone, why say women, not teachers or staff? And really why would singling someone out like that be OK anyway?

I don't know why he said it, I haven't given context because I don't have any, neither did most of the audience, if there was any.