Would you object to this comment in a headteacher’s staff address? WWYD?

[Meckrel]

End of term address to staff by the HT of a large and successful secondary school.

There were some tech problems at the start and he opened his remarks by saying "two things I hate, microphones and women who say no".

Now, who knows what he was actually thinking. I don't think (hope) he meant sexually, but even in the context of "difficult" women that's not OK for a teacher and employer to say? Is it?

It was an address to staff thanking them for the year etc etc. Most people laughed. Would you?

Er, wtf?

Report comment to FGB. Not funny and extremely concerning.

I would absolutely challenge that. I’ve actually done that at my school. It’s sexist and is effectively a rape joke. I’d say something directly to him or report to union if you’re not comfortable with that. Totally unacceptable.

If my boss had said it to me, I would too laugh.

If he said it while addressing to the whole staff, I’d pull him to one side afterwards and say that it was inappropriate.

It’s fine when you know your audience and you’re building one on one relationships. It’s absolutely not okay when setting the tone on culture.

And it made my eyes widen!

It’s a bad comment but if he’s otherwise a good guy I’d give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he meant romantically rather than sexually or professionally? As in he doesn’t like it when women turn him down for a date? Which I think is understandable, nobody likes it when they get turned down for a date.

I’m maybe naive but yeah, I’d give him the benefit of the doubt if it’s the first time you’ve heard him make a silly comment like this. He was probably feeling awkward about the tech not working and the words just fell out. Maybe he’s been cringing at himself ever since.

Not ok at all.

What the fuck?!

Eww. Not ok

Maybe he meant it as a show of support. As in he hates it when women have to say no.

Or could he just not like language shortcuts? So he feels simply saying "no" isnt a complete sentence afterall.

That's appalling in a professional staff meeting. I'd complain, but I know it's hard in a school. But that's completely disgusting, especially in someone responsible for educating your people.

I just feel despondent at the calibre of 'leadership'.

I hate to break it to you, good guys don’t make comments like that full stop.

Awful…especially for a community leader to say ..not remotely funny

Could it be a coded message to get at someone too? In plain site bullying maybe? A dig

It is outrageous. I would complain to the chair of governors

That is grim.

My jaw honestly dropped reading this! What a piece of shit!

Have you never made a stupid comment without properly engaging your brain and then regretted it later? I know I have, and I like to think I’m not a bad person.

Yes, the comment was bad, but it doesn’t mean he is bad. I’d be watching out for any further comments like this, and complaining at that point, but if it’s genuinely a one off, I’d let it go.

Not one that could very easily be interpreted as the HY saying he doesn’t like it when a woman declines his sexual advances - no

I remember I once told my personal trainer I wanted to play with his battle rope. I genuinely wanted to have a go at using the battle rope (a piece of gym equipment) but I actually said the words “I want to play with your battle rope” and he just stared at me awkwardly. I didn’t even realise until hours later that he thought I was coming onto him. I felt absolutely awful and almost text him to apologise, but then decided the best option was just to never mention it again. Luckily he was more reasonable than some posters here and didn’t get me banned from the gym for inappropriate behaviour over one stupid comment.

My point is, we can all say stupid things sometimes. He might not have realised what he was saying. Give him the benefit of the doubt.

But you were at a gym
he was your pt
and battle ropes are a price of gym equipment

Had you drafted a script for an formal message that you were presenting to him? Like this headteacher would have done?

bizarre

And was she implying that she wouldn’t like it if he (and indeed all men) declined her sexual advances?

No. Not even close.
it was a slip of the tongue

Your freudian slip is nowhere near the same as him intentionally saying he "hates women who say no".

Not even a Freudian slip

Just a slip of the tongue