Does anyone else have no friends?

[Cathyhon]

Like the title says, I literally have zero friends.
I’m a 27-year-old woman, and I haven’t really had a friendship group since secondary school. Over the years, my school friends gradually drifted apart, and I never made any long-lasting friendships in college. I work in a small office now, and most of my colleagues already have their own established friendship groups, so it’s been difficult to meet people.

I try to tell myself it doesn’t bother me, but the truth is, it really does. When the weather is as nice as it is now, it somehow feels even worse. Seeing groups of friends out together, or people on social media spending time with their friends, really gets to me. I just wish I had even one friend to do things with.
The area I live in doesn’t offer many opportunities to meet new people either, which makes it feel even more difficult.

Has anyone else found close friends later in life? Is there still hope at 27? I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who’s been in a similar position. Thank you.

Sometimes a place and a person are a poor fit. Your post resonated with me because I experienced the same thing when I moved out of London. Also an immigrant, literally the only foreigner in the village. I’m a deeply ordinary person, had never struggled with friendships in any other place I’d ever lived, but was quite anomalous in my village, where everyone already knew one another. I did all the right things — had a child at preschool and primary, got involved in volunteering, was generally friendly, issued invitations. Zilch. I made friends at work, and friends from elsewhere came to visit. After eight years we decided enough was enough and moved. Ironically, lots of people expressed sadness we were leaving, but I wasn’t going to waste another eight years.

And now?

Oh, absolutely great for friends here, despite moving shortly before the first Covid lockdown. Different world, far wider variety of people, more people of the type I tend to be drawn to.

I don't have friends any more. If I dwell on it, I get upset.Solution: don't dwell on it. I only get upset if I dwell on it and I can go literally years without thinking about it. The upset is such that I can't bear to really engage with the helpful suggestions on here. Also fear. Fear that I can't 'do' friends any more, One day I might get the courage up to pursue the suggestions here. Or I could go full cat lady.

I don’t.
I moved to my area during Covid… lots of people I’m friendly with on school run, but not close to. I’m a SAHM with 6 children. So I’m too busy to feel lonely which is a huge plus. My evenings and weekends are filled with clubs, helping with homework etc…. Not sure if it’ll feel different when my youngest 2 are at school, but I’ll probably be looking for a job then.

My youngest son's best friend's mum who moved away to a different part of town is my friend. We just hit it off and have loads in common. But that's it. She's the only one I see regularly. I do have other friends but distance makes it impossible to meet often.

Good luck getting involved in clubs that you enjoy which is a good way to make friends. Put yourself out there.

Definitely not a recent thing

“spinster” has always had derogatory connotation

My god.

In my early/mid 20s I was quite lonely, but then started working somewhere at 28 that I got friendlier with colleagues. I found my baby years hard, as the mums of other babies at groups, and then school mums, were very different people to me and it felt forced. From about mid 30s I've made friends through hobbies and groups, I'm lucky to have very good friends now. If you can find some interests and start to go out to meet-ups, I hope that will help you 😊

Isn't another equally valid solution to change it if you're not happy with it? Like any muscle, the friend-making/social one gets stronger with use. You're not going to be bench-pressing your own weight right from the start, but you'll work up to it.

The arrogance to presume that because these two women aren’t close to you @Papercup , they can’t possibly be close to others. The arrogance that you think you know the ins and outs of all their relationships.

Some people have loads of friends AND have close friends. Fact!! It might be easier for you to convince yourself that they don’t, and in fact these popular people actually lead superficial lives, but I am sorry to disappoint you - there really are people out there who have loads of friends and manage to be very close with some of them. You just aren’t one of them.