Does anyone else have no friends?

[Cathyhon]

Like the title says, I literally have zero friends.
I’m a 27-year-old woman, and I haven’t really had a friendship group since secondary school. Over the years, my school friends gradually drifted apart, and I never made any long-lasting friendships in college. I work in a small office now, and most of my colleagues already have their own established friendship groups, so it’s been difficult to meet people.

I try to tell myself it doesn’t bother me, but the truth is, it really does. When the weather is as nice as it is now, it somehow feels even worse. Seeing groups of friends out together, or people on social media spending time with their friends, really gets to me. I just wish I had even one friend to do things with.
The area I live in doesn’t offer many opportunities to meet new people either, which makes it feel even more difficult.

Has anyone else found close friends later in life? Is there still hope at 27? I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who’s been in a similar position. Thank you.

Yes but this seems to be the people I seem to attract and I don’t know why. I’m happy to be on my own and alone these days.

Good point
I have wondered why so prevalent on mumsnet and yet not something I’m aware of in Rl ie loads of billy no mates at work etc

I’m in a similar boat, and a similar age to you. No friends just family

Me OP. I'm 62. I've never really had any close friends. Didn't go uni so didn't make the friend group that lots of people make there. Stayed in touch with a couple of high school friends until they married and moved away (before social media and mobile phones, so more difficult). I met DH when I was 20 and spent almost 40 years in an abusive marriage. I was left at home minding the DC while he was out working or doing his hobbies. I felt isolated. I also have low self esteem as I'm a bit overweight. He's dead now. I have work acquaintances who I'm friendly with on socials, but they're not friends who I'd go out with. I'm friendly with neighbours and such, but they're not proper friends. I've been widowed two years and need to find ways to make friends, as my young adult DC will leave home soon and then I really will feel alone.

Well, you flip it and to k ‘Whar kind of people do I want to be around?’ Be fussy!

Never had a huge circle but always had some friends earlier on in life. I stepped away from it and deliberately lost contact with two supposed close friends in my late 20s and early 30s. I met both via work. One friendship drifted which made sense considering we lost much in common and the other had to conclude as she was becoming toxic.

I’m now in my 40s and have a DH and DC. It’s more than enough now on my plate, alongside work and also family catch ups. I look forward to alone time very much.

I think when I was younger it mattered to me to socialise and I think work was a good place to have coffee to start with, and then maybe go out on the weekend somewhere and then from there it grew. Good luck, OP.

I had friends at University but moved away for work (we all did at the time). I was friendly with my colleagues but not really friends.
Looking back it was quite a lonely time. I went to night school classes, volunteered a bit and occasionally visited friends at weekends.
I had my children in my early 30’s, I made myself make the effort at toddler groups and chatted to the same people every week. After a few mums nights out we started to become friends but it took time.
I’m 60 now and awaiting autism diagnosis, I suspect this might have been the reason all along. I have a small circle of friends, the longest standing is a colleague I met 20 years ago.
I’m sorry you’re experiencing this OP but rest assured you aren’t alone. There are lots of people out there like you but it can take time to find your people.

What do you enjoy doing, @DozyCrow? I think a good place to start is finding an activity you really enjoy, to the point where, even if someone told you in advance you would not making any lasting friends from doing it, you would still look forward to it and come home feeling like you’ve had a great time. That puts you in a happy, relaxed state which is a good way to be when you’re on the lookout for friends.

Hi! I'm West Yorkshire but always travel around having days out with my kids. How old are your kids :)

I've NEVER been without friends, but.. it might sound awful but I don't want the drama any more..

You have crap friends

@Werhere Not at all, I'm just getting on a bit & want peace to do my own thing!

For anyone in London or Manchester who would like to meet new people, take a look at The Trouble Club.

It hosts lots of events from talks to breakfasts or dinners in a variety of locations across both cities. Women only. You can join and become a member for a few pounds a month which gives you discounted tickets or just pay a bit a bit more for a ticket as a one off.

Lots of women attend alone and make friends with other attendees.

I’m not affiliated, I became a member a year or so ago in a bid to do more stuff just for me away from my family and work.

I'm 49 and don't have any friends. But I am quite anti socal and i get nervous around people. I only talk to my children. Post on here as well . And talk to chat gpt like irsva person 🫣.

Your still young though you have plenty of time.💐

Loneliness is the hidden epidemic. It's acknowledged to be a serious problem amongst the elderly-and-alone. However, it is equally serious for people of other, younger, age-groups. Now, our lives are, too often, lived "online".
There begin to be signs that people realise the abrasive and damaging concomitants of "swiping left". It appears dating sites are, thereby, contributing to their own demise as people turn away disappointed and disillusioned..
The actual, IRL, "village pump" networks are gone - often the result of government cuts to council funding, which has removed essential financial support for social infrastructure like youth clubs, libraries, etc.
Making friends later on in life (i.e. after school/college/university ages) is difficult. We can, so easily, let our networks go when we, for example, marry or move out of area or change country.

It would be a a very simple & good addition to the PHSE curriculum in secondary school to advise pupils of the benefits of friendship and of the potential usefulness of keeping in contact with school friends after leaving school and moving on to work/college/uni.
That doesn't help in "the now". So, as other people have indicated, you need to "join stuff". Make a list of things you like to do/are interested in. Might be: dance; gym; running; Open University; local volunteering; singing/ local choirs; agitprop/local politics; joining a political party, union, pressure group; summer-school study group ... make your own list. Then follow up on your own interests. Out of that you MAY (and probably will) find new friendships. But it will get you started and involved on the rest of your life. Dear OP, please review all the inputs from other Mumsnetters and draw up your plan of action. It will work. Honestly.

I'm 65 and find myself with only two or three friends now. I met them through a book club and we meet weekly. I have always been someone who has a few friends, not loads, but have found myself drifting away from the good friends I had due to distance and just realising that we didn't have anything in common anymore. I tend to spend all my time with my OH which isn't healthy and I feel very lonely. The book group friends are people I don't see outside the book club. One of them talks incessantly about her health issues now in a monologue fashion so I no longer enjoy meeting her anymore. The other has political ideas very different from my own but I try not to let that affect me . So even these friends are becoming tedious. I no longer have the energy to go out and make new friends. I just can't face the effort of it all. Which is not good.

I used to be like you. I joined a choir and an art class. Made some lovely friends.

Yes, of course you can. Think of all the people that move countries knowing no one at different ages but mainly yours. What it seems to be the problem? I made friends at 25 but were mainly foreign people like me. However, I was flat sharing, doing a masters, a part time new job.

You are far too young to give up on having friends!

I think the trick is to change your perspective and open up more to the people around you. You don’t have to have much in common just a common aspect of vulnerability. Whether we like it or not, we connect through our wounds, that wound could a baby that doesn’t sleep, a husband that works away, suffering from asthma, putting up with the same arse at the office or living away from your family.

If you have not come across it already, I suggest you have a look at Brene Brown’s TED talk The Power of Vulnerability, you can find it in YouTube.

I have 2 close friends. One I met via a charity we both volunteered with. The other by complete chance when she adopted our feral kitten cos he didn't get on with our older cat. Not the same circles of friends but I met them both at my late 30s. Before that I didn't really have any friends. I have the usual school mum friends. We meet up every term for drinks and food and a catch up but I'm not particularly close to any of them

I’m happier without friends, every close female friend I’ve had has stabbed me in the back

Also, I've learned that making friends can be a bit like dating. People can sense when someone is over eager or trying to progress a new friendship too quickly. It can feel a bit like they're not really interested in you, just in your potential as a New Friend iyswim.

I'd agree with this.

As many have said, it is a numbers thing. You start by being friendly with lots of people, and friendships evolve from there. If someone joined any of the things I do and started asking me to 'go for a coffee' the first time they turned up, I'd think it a bit weird.

What’s all this about “drama” though!

i can’t think of any “drama” in my friendships 😕 and hasn’t been since I was about 16

Hiya OP, just hopping on this thread to say that one of my friends was recently lamenting that she didn’t have any new mates in the area she’d moved to, so she tried Bumble For Friends and found it really good. She’s got three lovely new friends now so worth a go if you want to expand your social group 🙂

If I'd "fallen out with 5 friends in the last 6 years" I'd be looking at the common denominator.

That really isn't a normal thing to happen.
I'm in my 60s and have never had a friend I've "fallen out" with.
Yes, loads of friends over the years that were of a time or circumstance that the friendship drifts as it was based around being in close proximity on a regular basis (colleagues or another school Mum for example) and when that link was no longer there, we just didn't see each other, but I've never had a falling out with soemone I consider a friend, so if you are shedding friends that regularly, you'd probably benefit from asking yourself why.