Does anyone else have no friends?

[Cathyhon]

Like the title says, I literally have zero friends.
I’m a 27-year-old woman, and I haven’t really had a friendship group since secondary school. Over the years, my school friends gradually drifted apart, and I never made any long-lasting friendships in college. I work in a small office now, and most of my colleagues already have their own established friendship groups, so it’s been difficult to meet people.

I try to tell myself it doesn’t bother me, but the truth is, it really does. When the weather is as nice as it is now, it somehow feels even worse. Seeing groups of friends out together, or people on social media spending time with their friends, really gets to me. I just wish I had even one friend to do things with.
The area I live in doesn’t offer many opportunities to meet new people either, which makes it feel even more difficult.

Has anyone else found close friends later in life? Is there still hope at 27? I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who’s been in a similar position. Thank you.

I prefer friends one to one. I’m part of a group of 5 sisters and there are always dynamics, I learned this early. Not always intentional or mean just harder because of logistics. As adults with commitments if 5 want to meet up one weekend it’s a huge effort to accommodate everyone, I see them as too much like organising work meetings.

It’s like romance, it’s a numbers game, I reckon out of 100 people the majority are ok but true friendship? Maybe one or two. It’s like men how many have I met in my entire 4 decades of being an adult that I think are worth a relationship with? the stats there are even worse. This is where not being shy is really the key to relationships.

I don’t have any friends. I’m a single parent, my children are 16 & 17 so independent. I have colleagues who I’m friendly with but not friends. I live rurally so it’s difficult to get to clubs etc to start a hobby because I’d have to travel a significant distance. I’m really quite isolated.

I’m almost 30 and in the same position. I lived in one town growing up, when I was 13 moved to another country and then when I was 16 moved back to England but the complete opposite end of the country I was born in, I really struggled as everyone has had their friends through school and college. From 16-20 I was so depressed I couldn’t make friends and now I’m older with a child it’s even more difficult. I feel for you I really do.

Just come back a gain in case anyone didn’t see my previous post, if anyone is in North Yorkshire and wants to chat, feel free to message me

I’m late 50s and don’t really have any friends, but that’s by choice at this point. Most of my friends in the past came through situations, such as working together or through the DC, so we often only had that in common.

I’ve managed all my problems in life by myself (even when I did have friends) so I’m not really interested in supporting someone else. I don’t have the time or the motivation to spend on nurturing a friendship. I’m single and happy that way but if I did have time/motivation, I’d be more likely to try and find a partner than a friend.

For me now, friendships are like romantic relationships. In that yes, I will get the occasional pang of loneliness but not enough to want to do anything about it. I don’t want just any friend for the sake of having one, same as with a partner. They’d have to be someone that I really clicked with and genuinely wanted to spend time with.

I do think common interests groups are probably the best way and something I will do myself if I feel the need in future.

27 is still very young. If you get a job with more young people you will make friends easily. Or what about part time study, travel or hobbies? You can make friends, it sometimes just takes a bit of effort and thought.

I think about this all the time.
im in my late 40s, divorced and a DS15.
i feel it especially when hes with his dad during the weekend.

i went shopping yesterday and when i see groups of women at the restaurant or in the changing rooms it pains me (not for them)

I have one friend but she’s often has little to no free time due her job and kids.

I'm 62 and know no one. I am mostly housebound so only see my partner who is not always the nicest person. I would love someone to come and have a natter and a coffee with me. Or if its cooler somehow get me to town for a walk if I can and a coffee

I had very few friends at your age. I had one who I thought was a good friend but ended up just using me during lockdown.

I moved and joined a church (not religious) and a knitting group and have made a small group of friends now.

I've spent my life being disliked due to being autistic so spent most of my life struggling to make and retain friends. Most of them eventually seemed to get fed up of me and just drifted away and I never knew why.

Thankfully that doesn't happen any more but people do tend to dislike me in general. Although finally in my 30s I found people who actually liked me for me, which was nice.

You need to put yourself out there a bit I think.

I made a few new friends in my late 20s through Meetup groups and Bumble Bff (the friendship version of Bumble). So they are good options to try out.

But I understand how you feel OP. As we have got into our 30s a couple have moved a bit further away so I don’t see them anymore and one very sadly died ☹️. My closest in distance friend has a baby so I don’t see her much. I am fairly happy to do things on my own, but it’s more because I wouldn’t get to do them otherwise. I’m quite shy and don’t really know how to “make” friends unless the other person makes me their friend, but maybe I should get back on Bumble Bff. The friend who passed away has left such a hole ☹️

I'm 41 and I live in an area which used to be nice but is slowly going to the dogs (outer London zone 5 to the east) Most of my childhood friends moved out of the area years ago. I stayed because I need a quick commute into London for work, initially to help with my disabled dad, and later because my partner (now husband) had an accident at work which has left him with mobility issues. Our house is adapted and he can't work so there's no way of moving somewhere nicer.
I have 3 friends who I'm close to but due to them all living miles away I don't have anyone for a casual meetups etc, everything has to be planned months in advance.
Had no luck meeting people through the school, most of the ones my age had older children and were already in cliques, friendly enough but not friends. And the younger ones were friendly but we had nothing in common so everything just fizzled out over time.

Luckily I do have a large extended family so if there's something I'm desperate to do I normally have someone to do it with.
But I wish for a lottery win so we could afford to move somewhere nicer. Even all the nice neighbours are slowly moving out!

Hi op I have been in your situation on and off it’s horrible and lonely. I usually get friends who literally drop me like a hot potato when it suits them I’ve never had a long term friendship that I can share my secrets with. Op there have been many times I have had no one to go out with especially on weekends. I would suggest going online for group situations and ask your colleagues if they want to meet up now and then you never know what happen. My niece lives in Merseyside and they do a girls only group doing all sorts of activities I think it’s because they have universities and it help the women make friends. You might have something similar in your area.

I used to have friends but not anymore. I’m autistic and am generally terrible at keeping in touch and going to any social occasions. I remember feeling sad when I realised my last two friends had cut me off like the others. But now I don’t miss it at all. My family are my friends and that’s enough for me.

@omghereistrouble Google social prescriber and your area. They will be able to give you details of any local befriending service so you can meet someone to do exactly that, someone can come and visit you and chat/have a cuppa. They will also have details of any local groups you may be able to occasionally get out to.

Do you live alone?

I used to have friends but lost pretty much all of them when they all had children and i couldn’t have them. They all preferred to spend time with other mums. I’m actually ok with it these days. You get used to it. I think being older helps though. Once I turned 45 I realised I didn’t really miss having friends anymore. I hated it when I was younger though.

If you in kent go on instagram there a group called kent girl meet up for your age thry do walks yoga little events like pottery. If not kent have look and maybe see if something similsr in your area or start one if brave. Reslly feel for your generation its much harder 1000 friends on sm and none in real life. Seek it with my own DC

I have moved regularly and have great groups of friends. It takes effort though. Join clubs, speak to people wherever you go, offer to volunteer, invite people round for a coffee, ask to help out if people need something. Be friendly but not overpowering. Make sure the activities you do are genuine interests of yours as that is when meaningful friendships develop as you will meet people who enjoy similar activities.
You can meet people at any age and stage in life. I think the most important aspect is developing your own interests whilst always being open and friendly. That makes you interesting and likable to other people. At the very least your life will be richer and busier for the diversity of your activities.

late in life, 27, come on now dont talk silly. I’m 45 and I still make new friends. You definitely need to join some hobbies, maybe the gym etc. is there a park run near you to join? There are so many ways to make friends but you need to be proactive about it.

I don’t think it’s uncommon OP.

I’m 57 and without a single friend 😢

I was incredibly (probably too) social when I was young during school and college years and then moved 300 miles away to do my nurse training where I had a small circle of friends but was definitely felt on the outskirts of this.

I made different friends on qualifying but a couple of years later met DH and it was very intense very quickly and we did tend to socialise more with his friends, rarely not being in each other’s company.

We married after 2 years and 2 years after that DS came along and we moved 250 miles away to somewhere we’re neither of us knew anyone for DH’s job when I was 36 weeks PG.

I initially made ‘mum friends’ but found that they drifted off when I started working as the disconnect between SAHMs and WOHMs was massive.

By the time the DCs were in school I was full time at work so didn’t socialise with other parents but work a couple of counties away from where I live so rarely socialise with work colleagues.

DH is really unsociable and I have a DS with autism who craves his routine so is happiest at home.

I do feel lonely and would love to meet people but DH is in poor health and unable so I am the sole breadwinner with caring responsibilities on top of that so all the usual, sensible ‘join a gym’, ‘join a choir’, ‘do some voluntary work’ just isn’t going to work for me.

I do feel trapped as I don’t intend to LTB, after 30 years, as it’s not his fault that he’s ill.

I do dream of retirement and widowhood but, wether that is any different remains to be seen.

In my 20s I met a lot of friends through work. Could you look into changing jobs and find somewhere bigger where there's more of a work social life?

Even in my 50s I value work social events - I'm not friends with the younger ones but I like to hang out with them at work socials. Work def opens up opportunities that are harder to find elsewhere - especially as if you're working FT there's not much time for hobbies and having to make friends outside of work

It doesn’t seem to be uncommon on mumsnet

but in real life…. All my friends, well have friends and my colleagues have friends (or I’m friends with them), and all my family have friends….

Where you from?

I imagine there’s a higher proportion of the un-befriended on social media as they’re not out and about, and are probably craving social interaction, I know I am.

I think some people use MN for their social "fix". Its low effort and low maintenence 😂 That's certainly an aspect of it for me. I can dip in and out of discussions as I like, which suits me.

That's probably why it is more common to hear of it here.