Does anyone else have no friends?

[Cathyhon]

Like the title says, I literally have zero friends.
I’m a 27-year-old woman, and I haven’t really had a friendship group since secondary school. Over the years, my school friends gradually drifted apart, and I never made any long-lasting friendships in college. I work in a small office now, and most of my colleagues already have their own established friendship groups, so it’s been difficult to meet people.

I try to tell myself it doesn’t bother me, but the truth is, it really does. When the weather is as nice as it is now, it somehow feels even worse. Seeing groups of friends out together, or people on social media spending time with their friends, really gets to me. I just wish I had even one friend to do things with.
The area I live in doesn’t offer many opportunities to meet new people either, which makes it feel even more difficult.

Has anyone else found close friends later in life? Is there still hope at 27? I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who’s been in a similar position. Thank you.

Not really, I’m 40 and moved to a new city 6 years ago and left my friends behind. It’s renowned for being friendly but I find it quite surfacey and hard to make more meaningful friendships. I thought having DC would help but so far it hasn’t really.

I’m sorry to hear OP. But it’s not too late at all! I relocated a few years ago and it took me nearly 2 years but I now have a group of friends (well it’s only 3 of us) but we get on really well and I feel much better about my relocation as it was the only thing missing really! Do you have any hobbies at all that would allow you to meet people?

Just try inviting people, you have to be proactive if you want a friendship group. I'm not really bothered but I have a DH and family and that's enough for me.

Sorry to hear this🫩

That gives me hope! I’m glad you found your group. I’m going to look into some local clubs, hopefully that will be a good start🙏🏻

Join a jolly activity. Friend joined a drumming group massive group chat lots of activities all ages. Or a smaller more personal gym again a friend joined one they have meals out and nights out.

Once I was a mum I went along to loads of baby activities and classes and pushed myself to chat chat chat. I now have a wee group to pal about with. I am in a very different situation socially to how I was 2 years ago. So the equivalent to that would be to join a hobby group - walking group, book group, arts and crafts thing and REALLY push really hard to make an effort with people. Ask if anyone wants to get a coffee after the activity etc and take it from there. Good luck. You deserve to have a group of friends.

You could try joining a choir. Lots of people to make friends with

Sorry to hear this is bothering you. I felt lonely today if it makes you feel any less alone with this. I am a mum of two and my husband and kids are away at the moment. I didn’t feel I had someone close by to call up and do something with and felt a bit lost. Then I realised I haven’t been very good at keeping in touch with anyone whilst I’ve been tackling some personal issues, despite them reaching out to me.

For context, i am 49 and have gone through phases of my life where I’ve had 1 friend, no friends, we’re not really suited but we’ve not got anyone else friends, to having groups of friends met through work or DCs schools. I’ve come to a few personal conclusions, which may or may not help / resonate:

• making friends takes a little bit of effort (especially if you’re not naturally outgoing or gregarious)
• maintaining friendships takes a little bit more effort and a bit of planning (especially if you’re inclined to get comfy in your own world for long periods of time - like me!)
• Masking, or trying to please people and being who you are not, can be draining.
• However. Being with the right people will feel effortless (and well worth the effort of the above, if you’re seeking connection).

To meet the right people, you might just need to put yourself out there a little bit more, in a targeted way. And maybe think about whether you’re doing your fair share of suggesting the next meet up or even just checking in with people to say hi, how’s your week going.

Have you joined a gym or club in something you’re interested in? That will likely bring you into regular contact with like-minded people. They also often have nights out or picnics or walks that everyone gets invited to. The gyms and clubs I’ve joined in the past have been really inclusive.

Sorry if this is coming across as condescending, it’s not meant to be, just my own personal thoughts and experience on the subject. hopefully it helps in some way. If I’ve stated the obvious, apologies.

If anything is unclear, just ask xxx

There’s lots of people with no one op. Just look at all the comments on this post I saw tonight.

I’ve even seen someone on TT, in a fairly local area, set up meet up group. So many friendless people keen to meet others, maybe there’s something like that near you?

vm.tiktok.com/ZNRo14tqX/

Yeah I’m 41 and I’ve no friends anymore. I seemingly pick the wrong friends - or did. I’m so incredibly lonely as a solo parent. I can go days with no adult contact whatsoever.

Anyone in North Yorkshire want to chat!?!

Lots of good suggestions for making new friends. Re. Losing touch with old friends. If you'd like to reconnect with them, why not reach out on SM? I did that a few years ago and a small group of us are friends again, see each other when we can and keep in touch on a group chat. It's lovely to find out what people have been doing and luckily, most of us still clicked with each other again.

Sorry to hear you are feeling a bit down OP. I'd say my late twenties/early thirties was definitely a low point for friendships for me and although I had people I was friendly with, I didn't have any "go to" friends iyswim. I really recognise that feeling of other people seeming to be in established groups already.

I'm a couple of decades older now and things are very different - I have many lovely friends in my life and am still making new ones!

Joining clubs and groups etc is the usual advice for obvious reasons. But I'd caveat it by saying it's important to pick things that you really enjoy long term for their own sake, and treat the friendship thing as secondary. It can take a long time to move from being friendly to being friends, and if your only real reason to be somewhere is to meet people then it can feel frustrating and lonely.

Also, I've learned that making friends can be a bit like dating. People can sense when someone is over eager or trying to progress a new friendship too quickly. It can feel a bit like they're not really interested in you, just in your potential as a New Friend iyswim. Does that make sense? I found friendships blossomed once I stopping actively trying to get closer to people, and instead paid proper attention to the people just in the moment

In 2008 I was invited on a girls trip to Barcelona for a group turning 30. The inviter was someone from work who I was friendly with, but not overly close to. Her and her sister would be the only 2 from a group of 12 that I would know. I took a leap and went on the trip.

Not only was this how I met the person who’s been my best friend pretty much ever since, but the majority of that friendship group have now become my close friends and I’ve met others through some of those relationships that have also become great mates.

I was 26.

Don’t give up @Cathyhon, you’ve just not found your tribe yet.

Your last point is absolutely right, and it comes up again and again on threads about friendlessness on here. People say ‘Oh, I just want someone to do X with’, which is like saying you just want someone to marry, you don’t care who, there’s just a husband/friend-shaped hole in your life. Friendship involves mutual liking and pleasure in one another’s company, not just filling a gap with anyone available.

I felt like this once. Wanted friends, thought I was missing out…until I made friends and got completely mugged off, used, spoken about behind my back and secretly they was hating me. I have fallen out with 5 ‘friends’ in the last 6 years because they was actually not friends at all. I am 35.

Respectfully, surely that suggests you got unlucky, or made poor choices of fruends?

I am twice your age & never had a huge friend group. I did an online university course during Covid & have made some great friends (with similar values) through that. I still have two good friends from my old job, two from college & 1 friend from secondary school. At my stage in life I’m happy to keep in contact via WhatsApp with a few meet ups per year.
My DD is similar age to you & has a tiny circle of friends, but she doesn’t seem to mind.

27 definitely isn’t too late. I’m good at keeping in touch with old friends and that definitely helps: so I have regular catch ups with them. If you could reconnect with old friends and organise even one annual meet up.But moving to a new area is definitely a real challenge.

I joined a tidy towns type group, a book club, I have done the same exercise class for the last 4 years and I volunteer with an athletics club and that was what really made the difference. I also made mum friends which is probably the easiest one if you have kids. But it all helps. It helps you get to know people to say hello to who live around. Some of them develop into more in the mean time,

No. I wasted too many years putting effort into friendships. There were some great times but it opened my eyes how selfish a lot of people can be. True friends are hard to find. I bloody love having no real friends now I'm older. Freedom and no fake friendships. I put my time and effort into family, my work, my hobbies and that's where I find my true happiness.

37 and no real friends as such. There's people i talk to on the school run but dont really have friends i can hang out with. My boyfriend is pretty much my best friend

I think that's a good idea. Book club, rambling, sewing or knitting, park run.....there's so much out there to join in with. And then you can ask people you gel with, to join you for a coffee/glass of wine

@Cathyhon
I feel you ❤️
Im 60 and not had any real friends since I left school (moved 200 miles away)
I have people I'm friendly with but apart from an ex colleague that I meet three times a year (her bday, my bday and xmas) I don't have any real friends.
I count myself lucky that I have three Dsis.
Sometimes it's difficult when you want an objective view of an issue or want to unload but dsis advice will be based on feelings, their love and care for me.
I have no advice but sympathise

I’m 52 & made friends over the past few years through volunteering at my local cat rescue & getting involved in feminist campaigning.

Joining local clubs sounds like a really good idea, good luck!

I certainly felt lonely like this when I was in my teens and early twenties. And I think it doesn’t help that everyone else appears to be having a nice time at your age. I want to reassure you that I have made a few close friends in my late twenties and early thirties either from going out or through work. Do you like going out to pubs and clubs? I do find going “out out” with people at your age can bond you together with people. I don’t think you necessarily have to drink heavily, but that sense of freedom on a night out in your twenties seems to create a sense of adventure which can bond you together. Could you organise a work night out? Or can you get in touch with any of your old friends from school for a “reunion”, if there’s a big enough group you might make some new connections through old friends or reconnect with the old ones. I think I’ve learnt over the years to just be myself and not try too hard to impress new people (I used to put on a bit of an act to try and stand out), I try and imagine that I am talking to a really close friend or family member and I think then I come across as more relaxed and genuine.