Does anyone else have no friends?

[Cathyhon]

Like the title says, I literally have zero friends.
I’m a 27-year-old woman, and I haven’t really had a friendship group since secondary school. Over the years, my school friends gradually drifted apart, and I never made any long-lasting friendships in college. I work in a small office now, and most of my colleagues already have their own established friendship groups, so it’s been difficult to meet people.

I try to tell myself it doesn’t bother me, but the truth is, it really does. When the weather is as nice as it is now, it somehow feels even worse. Seeing groups of friends out together, or people on social media spending time with their friends, really gets to me. I just wish I had even one friend to do things with.
The area I live in doesn’t offer many opportunities to meet new people either, which makes it feel even more difficult.

Has anyone else found close friends later in life? Is there still hope at 27? I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who’s been in a similar position. Thank you.

I've made quite a few good friends later in life at least one good friend every 5 to 6 years and quite a few passing friends.

You need to keep putting yourself out there. Assume people you meet like you until it's clear otherwise. Ask people you like to do things (a coffee, if nothing else). But don't force things. Ask people for a coffee but don't worry if it doesn't go anywhere. Enjoy the interactions even if it doesn't lead to friendship.

Research shows that one of the big keys to making friends is to spend time with people who are also likely to want to make friends. That's why schools and colleges tend to be a place lots of good friendships are made. But they aren't the only place.

Try groups that are likely to be full of people starting a new phase in their life - a course that increases career prospects, a social group for people new to the area/a hobby/etc. Or volunteering with groups that tends to have a lot of people in the age group you tend to like (normally people around your own age, but some people tend to prefer older friends) and with a focus that reflects your values to some extent (so you meet people you have a bit in common with). And something fairly regular so you meet the same people over and over and have a chance to build familiarity and friendship organically.

Even if finding groups with a high density of people who are looking for friendship is difficult for you, going to places with lots of people who have similar characteristics and interests as yourself is likely to lead to more opportunities fro friendship.

And finally - consider changing jobs. It's often a good career move to look for something else every few years anyway, and you may end up at a place with more people who don't already have plenty of friends. Look for a company with bigger offices, and probably with a workforce closer to your age.

It's also important, though, to be mindful about people who are a waste of your time - people who are only interested if you're paying/doing them a favour/etc. Cull these people to make space for others. You may need to do a lot of initiating with someone at first (I think social skills around building friendships have been declining for a while) but if after you've got to a place where you thought there was a real connection you find you're still doing all the running, you need to revaluate. They may just not realise - a candid conversation sometimes fixes things - but don't be a mug, good friendship is reciprocal. Clean out the deadwood so you have time to find good friends.

Also - reach out to old school friends. They may be wishing they'd kept in touch with people too.

Be brave. Be proactive. Next time you meet someone, wherever you are, ask them if they'd like to meet for coffee. Or something. Anything!

Ask people about themselves. They love it. Which is good for me because I hate talking about myself! As for shutting them up at some point, you'll have to figure that one out for yourselves.. ;-)

I won’t ask about all the drama that led to you falling out with a whooping 5 out of your total of 6 friends….

I would stop looking at social media and find people in the same position as you.

When is was 25 I had no friends. I had moved to a new city with a friend and my boyfriend. My mate got married and moved away and my boyfriend left me. So I knew literally no one.
I made the conscious decision to make friends. I moved into a shared house and made myself socialise with them. I joined a netball team for beginners, a choir, volunteered at quite a funky arts venue and a commubity cafe, went to a running club, and at activity put myself out. At the end of a session would see if anyone wanted to go for a drink, lots said no but over time some said yes.
I also moved jobs to work in a big organisation with lots of younger people and made friends that way. It worked and after a year I had a small group of friends. I now am 50 and kept it up and now have loads. Not all stuck, I did get rejected by some people and not gel with all. I also said yes to lots of things I didn't think I would like.
Also I didn't say I had no mates to anyone on my mums advice. Humans are funny and tend to be wary of new people. If they don't have friends we subconsciously wonder what we are missing about why we should avoid them. Also think longer term. Think by this time next year I want to have 1 friend. In 5 years I want 5.
There are also clubs now to meet friends that would be worth trying.
My advice would be is to do everything, go everywhere and say hello to everyone.
There are 100s of clubs to try, if one doesnt suit go to another. If feeling brave set up a club in your favourite activity, create a book club or backgammon club as the organiser people will have to talk to you!
Treat it like a second job. Eventually you will find your people. Good luck.

No I’ll tell you. As you seem by messages a bit judgy.

1st friend was with me throughout my marriage ending always had her and her dog round and always messaged and called her and was there for her too as she also was going through a break up, she became obsessive didn’t like me having other friends went all funny on me, put me in dangerous situations when we went out out as she liked to sleep about and loved the attention and then told me that she had been speaking to my ex behind my back.

2nd friend was again really lovely and supportive for a whole year and half because of my marriage break down, she ended up telling her family one New Year’s Eve before I come round as she had invited me that I was a home wrecker and that I sleep about 🤦🏼‍♀️ I had only started seeing one person since my long relationship with my husband but she told all her family and friends before I got there and that’s why her sister was funny with me. I didn’t find out until 4 months later when her sister told me what she had been saying to her family behind my back bearing in mind I was the one cheated on.

3rd friend, a neighbour who I had grown close to when I used to live where she does, we got back in contact and I used to give her lifts, lend her money, get her out of the house as she had mental health, used to get her to stay at mine, used to help with her girls and have them stay and she one day just didn’t want to talk to me anymore because she had started talking to her old friend (whom I didn’t get on with) that’s another story but basically she was trying it on with my then fiancé when I did night shifts, she then went back to her and just completely ditched me after nearly 2 years, stopped her girls talking to me and just blocked me on everything.

4th friend. Friends with her and her husband always there for each other, kids grew close bonds with each other, used to have breakfast and lunch together and I’d go there and have dinner she would come here and have lunch etc etc then one day her husband was being a little creepy when he messaged me, so I told her because I felt uncomfortable with it and he spilled a load of bullshit to her and she literally just blocked me and stopped all contact. He somehow talked his way out of it and blamed me when I showed her the messages. Then she sent me a message on New Year’s Day throwing all sorts of stuff in my face that I had spoken to her about in private and thinking she was a friend and yeah just wasn’t a nice message.

5th friend again lifts, lent her money, always had her and her daughter here, cooked for them both, used to do days out, was there for her because she went through a lot, always said she’s welcome here, I would even go and get her and bring her here, she then like the previous friend threw loads of stuff in my face and blamed me for things that I wasn’t even involved in and told me she don’t trust me. Said I wasn’t a good friend and that I’m this and that.

soo yeah this is why I am the way I am, this is why I’d rather be on my own. I get shat on by people because I am a generous and kind person, I’m there for people and always help out. I always thought it was me, that I had done something and I would go over and over things but it isn’t me I didn’t do anything wrong in any of these friendships I was just used and mugged off and thrown out like trash when they was done with me. So that is why I don’t bother anymore because I have learnt the hard way. Hope that answers your questions.

Great advice. I had no friends after breaking up with someone I had been seeing obsessively for five years when I was 23. I had no friends and was very lonely. I answered an ad in the paper ( remember those)! from another woman who was also looking to make friends. She was from New Zealand and had moved to do a post graduate degree. After meeting her and another woman who responded, she threw a party ( she obviously did know a few other people) and I met my now husband there.

So in the breakdown drama of all 5… you were wholly innocent and as pure as the driven show, and all these 5 friends were cruella de ville type villains.

Without insight… this will likely happen over and over again if you do make any friends @Blackwidowsbite

Why do so many threads have to descend to this level? Stop the attacking and judging and try to be helpful and positive.

No one is “attacking”

Because there are bored old spinsters who can’t help themselves and have to troll the internet behind their keyboards and judge and start rows for no reason. This forum has always been the same.

You’re boring me now. Don’t care what you think. Some stranger with her assumptions.

I’m surprised you actually have friends with the judgements, opinions and assumptions you quite clearly make towards people. If your going to post shitty remarks your going to get shitty responses.

And more clear

It's a great pity. The word spinsters is very judgemental though, especially in light of the recent Ann Widdecombe situation.

Not in “light” of anything
It is a derogatory term for women who have chosen not to marry or live with someone.

Can you try to rekindle things with your old school mates? From experience, although it’s not the same as you get older, the deep connection with that peer group never leaves (in my experience) and I’ve struggled to meet anyone like that, where I’ve forged deep bonds since.

I’m 45 and know dozens of people who I socialise and interact with but I don’t consider any of them friends, which is probably on me, and I feel extremely lonely at times. But, I do take away a lot from that time spent.

I’d recommend looking closer at local events and clubs. Facebook might be a good place to start (even if it’s an older cohort than yourself).

I hope you find what you’re looking for.

I'm not N Yorks but I am S Cumbria - similar age if you want to chat?