Does anyone else have no friends?

[Cathyhon]

Like the title says, I literally have zero friends.
I’m a 27-year-old woman, and I haven’t really had a friendship group since secondary school. Over the years, my school friends gradually drifted apart, and I never made any long-lasting friendships in college. I work in a small office now, and most of my colleagues already have their own established friendship groups, so it’s been difficult to meet people.

I try to tell myself it doesn’t bother me, but the truth is, it really does. When the weather is as nice as it is now, it somehow feels even worse. Seeing groups of friends out together, or people on social media spending time with their friends, really gets to me. I just wish I had even one friend to do things with.
The area I live in doesn’t offer many opportunities to meet new people either, which makes it feel even more difficult.

Has anyone else found close friends later in life? Is there still hope at 27? I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who’s been in a similar position. Thank you.

Interesting thread. I'm 68 and still learned something from the comments.

I've always found it difficult to make friends. A couple at school but no big friendship group. A few from work but since retirement I don't see any of them. I'm an introvert so I assume it's me. My mother was the most outgoing social person I knew and had lots of friends in different groups and categories.

I have found there are some people who I call "people collectors" . They attract friends seemingly without effort, they are charming and great company and they're always busy. It's nice to know people like this but they aren't real friends.

Since retirement I've tried really hard to meet new friends and I find it can take a year or more at an activity to really develop anything.
I go to several different activities - dance, craft, Pilates, gym and know people from each group but not really anyone I could meet up with spontaneously.
It's lonely and really hard.

I think most friendships are proximity based ,school,colleague,uni,school gate,hobbies etc as your circle of proximity gets smaller so does the potential for friendships. Also sometimes friendship are based on what you bring to the party/what is to be gained if you like,they disappear when what you offered changes eg:im a widow and i lost many friends when my husband died as i no longer brought a couples friendship, school gate friendships were lost when the need for lifts.pick up and play dates changed.
I kept one or two friendships from each season of life because they were deeper friendship rather than helpful acquaintances .
As others have said,groups with interests that you are attracted to may widen your friendship options.
Im not interested in acquaintances anymore (though i can see they serve a purpose sometimes,so my circle is small. My daughter could have written your post and would agree with your sentiments.

Bumble Friends is meant to be very good, clubs and hobbies as people have suggested. I like to go to my local pub and have made many friends there. Also arranging meals with work so you can get to know them outside of work.

33 here and have very few these days.

I’m in touch with a couple of people from uni but we don’t see each other often and I often feel like I’m the one maintaining the friendship.

I have a small group of girl friends from school but we live disparately and only really communicate on WhatsApp and see each other at Christmas.

I briefly had a local friend group in 2022-23 of 7 which was wonderful and I felt like I had finally found my tribe…but two of the couples split up and the women moved away, one of the men then moved away and stopped speaking to anyone so there’s only 2 of them left + a new partner who we don’t really know and they’re my DH’s friends really. I got on better with the women.

I used to say my SIL was my best friend but then she divorced my brother so I haven’t got her anymore either.

I'm not really struggling in this department but I have made lots of different friends over the years so maybe they can inspire you.

I did Camp America at 26
Started a new job afterwards
I travelled solo in Europe at 29
I moved to a new build in a new area at 30
I had a baby at 32

These all gave me great opportunities to meet new people. I feel like you need to do some new things to allow you meet new people. Not all of the friendships last but they're fun while they do last and have lead to weekends away, nights out, coffee meet ups etc.

My current friends are made up of a friend from uni, people I've met through them, neighbours with children similar ages, people I met at antenatal classes or at softplays and my husbands friends. I'm 36 now btw.

Of course they’re ’real friends’. They just have more of friendships, and a choice of people to be around, meaning they’re less dependent on one or two people, or a single group. You’re not doing yourself any favours if you think that only introverts who find making friends difficult are ‘real friends’.

I have found there are some people who I call "people collectors" . They attract friends seemingly without effort, they are charming and great company and they're always busy.

This part is true.

It's nice to know people like this but they aren't real friends.

But this is utter nonsense.
Of course people who have lots of friends are still real friends. What a very odd thing to say.

Because you dont have friends @TheChaffinch you assume popular people aren’t real friends?

Ok try to convince yourself that that’s the reason you have zero friends… because you would be a “real friend”

I don’t think that’s fair. She said “I'm an introvert so I assume it's me.”

I have a couple of people that fit her description of “People collectors” in my social circle. I know exactly the type she is talking about. They are lovely, great fun, huge social circle, but you can’t get close to them in a meaningful way. It’s just who they are.

I have found there are some people who I call "people collectors" . They attract friends seemingly without effort, they are charming and great company and they're always busy. It's nice to know people like this but they aren't real friends.

There is judgement here about people
who are… popular

You can’t get close to them
it certainly does not mean they can’t get close to others

Just because you may not have met people like this, it doesn’t mean they don’t exist.

But how would you ever know that someone wasn’t close to another person,
simply because you aren’t close to them?

My daughter suggested this to me and is trying to convince me to join a dating site too 😬 I’m terrified of doing either 😵‍💫

Exactly. People who struggle with friendships sometimes like to characterise popular people who make friends easily as superficial ‘people collectors’. Some of them might be, sure, just as there are people who struggle with friendships who are also superficial or just not good at being a friend.

But equally, some of this comes from a resentment that the popular person doesn’t struggle socially, and/or that the popular person isn’t reliant on one or two friendships only, but can have their pick of a number of different friends and friendship groups. That doesn’t necessarily make them in any way a bad friend, potentially quite the opposite (I have popular friends who are very talented at friendships and give a lot of energy to them) but it’s going to mean you’re sharing them with lots of other people. This may not suit you, but it doesn’t mean they’re wrong.

Well the 2 women I’m thinking about i have known for around 10-15 years. I see them all the time, we are in the same social circles, I know a lot of their friends, I have holidayed with them and know their families.

One of them does have 1 best friend from childhood who she is very close to. The other one, I haven’t met anyone who I would say she is very close to.

They both have hundreds of friends. They are very lovely people and I enjoy their company a lot. They are both great fun. If they were to throw a party (which they both often do) the place would be packed. But they don’t have a circle of close friends who they share their feelings with. They are social butterflies.

I have no problems getting close to people, I have a wide social circle and some very close friends. But these 2 women are not like that.

I don’t have any friends. I’ve been living in my current town for ten years now. Have one dc in primary. Covid during toddlerhood/ school start didn’t help. I also seem to have moved in an area where people tend to socialise with people they know through their own school years, etc.
I’m an immigrant who lived in London since twenty years of age. I underestimated how difficult it can be to make new friends outside of London. There are other immigrants here too but I haven’t had success with them either.

I have been chatty, light hearted, invited a couple of people over (actually not taken up on that), invited people to meet up out and about with/without dc, bought people cake and coffee,…
Nope, no friends. Feel ridiculously isolated and trapped and guilty to bring up dc like that.

Im a normal, well intended, measured, educated person. I’m starting to feel like a weirdo though.

You really don’t know the intricacies of their friendships @Papercup especially as you aren’t even close to them.

I find this “I don’t have friends” thread interesting. Often those joining the thread to say how they too don’t have friends… follow up with versions comments or views that lead me to think “ah that is probably why you don’t”!

Yes

I think sometimes it’s people trying to convince themselves is that the reason they don’t have friends has nothing to do with them and everything to do with other people

and those that do have friends… well they’re either superficial or flighty or they’ve let the op down

Yes. I mean, we’ve all been let down at some point by people we trusted, or friendships we hoped would be lasting have turned out to be situational, but it’s not a reason to write off the rest of the human race.

Two things always strike me because they come up so regularly on threads about not having friends.

(1) Lots of those who say they don’t have the skills to make or keep friends, don’t know where to start, are afraid to put themselves out there, or can’t make small talk, are married or with longterm partners, so are clearly perfectly capable of utilising much the same social skills for another purpose, arguably a much more high-stakes one.

(2) They think of other people as a generic mass, any one of whom will do to fill the friend-shaped hole in their lives. They don’t ask themselves what kind of person appeals to them, who would be drawn to them if they met them, what they themselves would bring to a friendship.

I don't and I'm happy, single parent working two jobs don't have time for anyone else mentally BUT I do worry for when I'm older and kids have there own lives but I'll deal with that then 🙈😅

Derogatory? R U sure?

It's also a term for a woman who has never met someone who they'd like to spend their life with or indeed had the opportunity to marry.

It very much has derogatory connotations
considerably more so than “bachelor”

Hmm, perhaps the derogatory connotations are a recent thing. it was a term my parents used, not to negative effect.

It's a funny old world.