Big row with DH over my weight

[Prickleitch]

Hi

last night I had a huge argument with DH about my weight loss. To give you some context, I am 5‘8“ tall and five months ago I was over 16 stone. I’ve always been quite a curvy girl and when I met DH I was probably around 12 stone so not slim but not massive either. having children and getting a bit older saw me put the pounds on and I decided last year that I had to do something about. Obviously some of this was vanity driven but also my blood pressure was a bit high and I didn’t want to just keep getting bigger. I have been taking Mounjaro which I have paid for privately and when I got on the scales two days ago for my most recent weighin I weighed 10 stone and 12 lb. This is the latest I’ve been in my adult life and I feel happy with this weight.

last night, DH made a comment about me looking too thin. He kept on about it so I asked him if he still found me attractive. He said that he didn’t find me unattractive but that he definitely thought I was sexier when I had a bit more weight on me. He then made a comment about how he thinks the weight loss has made me look a bit older. They sent me into a rage. Whilst we all have our personal preferences but he seems to be forgetting that I was 16 stone with high blood pressure.

It was at this point that all hell broke loose and I said some pretty nasty things to DH. I’m not proud to admit this but after the comments to me I screamed back at him “well I would like a husband with a 10 inch cock but here I am getting on with things with your chode”

he thinks I’ve crossed a line. AIBU to feel that his comments to me were unfair ?

Thank you for explaining more clearly than young teen male relative - I understood it was just a dick - doh.
Umm still understand where/why it came from but that’s as I can remember saying much the same in my younger years - not ideal I know - and I’m much better person as a singleton. But neither is bitching about your partner looking older as you’d prefer a rounder figure - fairly similar on the hurt scale I reckon.
It is a shame the hurt caused both sides - if your spouse doesn’t think you’re beautiful always then it’s quite sad to me - but I had probably not the most realistic role models of my parents and never found it personally.
Those who do like truth, and I’d count myself amongst them generally but I had a male friend/date for a few years who was incredibly truthful about everything - that was good for most things but could also be difficult and not sure I’d have lived with it (he didn’t worship me!)
Still think apologies on both sides would help a lot.

Did he show it to the woman next door?

Yes. She thought it was a snake, so hit it with a rake.

You asked, you received. Fine. We sometimes do things that hurt our own feelings.

Telling you that you look old was unnecessary though. I suppose he still looks like a smooth 21 year old, does he?

God forbid a woman age, fuck me. You can control your weight, as evidenced by your weight loss (well done btw) but you literally cannot control your body's aging, and for him to bring that up in the same sentence as him telling you he finds you less attractive is a fucking shitty thing to do.

Yanbu OP. He crossed the line first. I'd be telling him to have a think about why he doesnt find healthy women his own age attractive with a massive side eye.

Yep, you’ve crossed a line. Not much coming back from that.

Op, I think what you said was far worse and cruel. It’s true as you get older losing a lot of weight can make you look gaunt.

Who knew that people who have lived a life struggling with weight issues, listening to the medical warnings and hearing the fat jokes are now being judged for being able to do something about it. You look older, have you been on Mounjaro? Did anyone ever say you look so young with those extra pounds piled on! I suspect not. Not a cover you ever see on the slimming magazines.
Also, how many jokes do men make when it suits about vaginas? Like a plasterers bucket, like a wizards sleeve etc.

I think your reply is funny and warranted.

are you happy, healthy and confident? yes. He feels threatened.

I’m a teacher, they definitely do, and they are always surprised when I inform them I know what they are talking about.

You were way out of order, OP. Everyone would be crying "leave the bastard!" if it were the other way around.

I think you gave as good as you got. Did the rage take you over? I would have been livid too.

This!

And now it's only 4ft4.

I also think your comeback was great! Rather than saying he thinks your too thin he could have asked ‘when are going to stop the WLI’ or ‘what’s your goal’… saying someone is too thin is as bad as saying someone is getting too fat.

imagine the outrage on here if OP would have said her husband said ‘you’re getting too fat’

don’t give it if you can’t take it 🤣

Must be a different Billy. My mate's is only two foot four 🤣

OP seems to have plopped.

Maybe they’re sorting it out. Maybe it’s just another shitty row and one of them has decided it was a comment too far.

Dont know why but i thought the same thing when i read the post.
Something about it just dont ring true.

I would say it unsolicited and have said something similar. He agreed some bits and said stop being so bloody rude about some other bits which is fair.

no one is saying she can’t be offended or even argue, but some things are going too far.

Exactly.

Or just all made up, op as not come back thats a telling sign.

AIBU to feel that his comments to me were unfair ?

Depends. On the context and tone. If he broached it sensitively and kindly, perhaps out of concern (5 stone in 5 months is hugely dramatic weight loss), then his comments aren’t unfair.

If you asked him if he still found you attractive and he answered kindly but honestly, it’s not unfair.

Tone is everything. If he said it harshly and critically, then it is unfair.

However, what you said to him was immature and very unkind. You can control your weight. He can’t control the size of his member. And if it really is small (or on the small side), you’ve been highly insensitive and unkind.

And who have you lost the weight for? It should be for yourself/your health rather than for your husband.

Chode 🤣🤣🤣

It really REALLY didn't.

This. ^ The first comment most definitely did not 'nail it.'

Maybe what she said was true.