Big row with DH over my weight

[Prickleitch]

Hi

last night I had a huge argument with DH about my weight loss. To give you some context, I am 5‘8“ tall and five months ago I was over 16 stone. I’ve always been quite a curvy girl and when I met DH I was probably around 12 stone so not slim but not massive either. having children and getting a bit older saw me put the pounds on and I decided last year that I had to do something about. Obviously some of this was vanity driven but also my blood pressure was a bit high and I didn’t want to just keep getting bigger. I have been taking Mounjaro which I have paid for privately and when I got on the scales two days ago for my most recent weighin I weighed 10 stone and 12 lb. This is the latest I’ve been in my adult life and I feel happy with this weight.

last night, DH made a comment about me looking too thin. He kept on about it so I asked him if he still found me attractive. He said that he didn’t find me unattractive but that he definitely thought I was sexier when I had a bit more weight on me. He then made a comment about how he thinks the weight loss has made me look a bit older. They sent me into a rage. Whilst we all have our personal preferences but he seems to be forgetting that I was 16 stone with high blood pressure.

It was at this point that all hell broke loose and I said some pretty nasty things to DH. I’m not proud to admit this but after the comments to me I screamed back at him “well I would like a husband with a 10 inch cock but here I am getting on with things with your chode”

he thinks I’ve crossed a line. AIBU to feel that his comments to me were unfair ?

I doubt he’ll ever get over your “comment”, you’ve probably permanently ruined the relationship imho

And will OP get over being called too thin, unsexy and old?

I’m not sure I would.

Nonetheless far worse and cruel.

It feels a rather asymmetric response.

You crossed a line.

Your weight and height actually gives you a BMI of half a point into the overweight category, so I find it very hard to believe that your weight loss has made you look old or that you look too thin. Your DH is clearly threatened by your weight loss and was negging you to keep you in your place. Yes, you over-reacted, but imo he asked for it. 25.5 is a totally reasonable BMI at which no one looks too thin or old from weight loss. DH is a prick.

To be fair, what did he expect when he tells his other half they look older and too thin? He will learn - just lie and say of course I'm still attracted to you! 😂

I have lost 7 stone over the last few years and am about 9st 7 and 5’5 , dh thinks I’m too thin and I know he’d prefer it if I was a little heavier. He says he thinks I’m still attractive I say well that’s good because I’m definitely more attractive now than lying in a hospital bed after a stroke or heart attack.
I actually say to him how old I look now my face has sagged after weight loss and he says I am beautiful. Who knows what the hell he really thinks but I don’t concern myself with that, I lost weight for myself and for my health. Obviously I don’t want my husband to think I’m not attractive but if he wants me to be fatter which is not good for my health he will have to go find some one else who weighs more. I was this weight when we met although 30 years younger.

Regardless of anything else, you can't take that back and it may be a relationship ending comment. He'll be aware of it every single time you're intimate, if you ever are again.

Agree. This may be the end.

I don’t see it, Perhaps women on here are just used to being insulted.

Wait….what?! This is unhinged!

It’s not double standards though. The comments made to OP are things that have changed about her recently, and OP asked. He didn’t say he didn’t find her attractive at all - he said he was feeling like he might have preferred her before the weight loss.
The size of his penis isn’t new or changeable, it’s not a decision he’s made to specifically shrink his penis and he certainly didn’t ask her for her honest opinion on it.

She said it to be nasty after asking him to be honest about how he felt now she’d lost a lot of weight.

I wonder if people would be so quick to defend if her DH was saying he didn’t find her as attractive after she gained 5 stone?

No, your husband deserved that, he knew what losing weight meant to you and he made comments he knew would upset you.
He got the retort he deserved.
Now you have lost weight, and feeling good, is he jealous and insecure. That does sometime happen. He said you crossed a line, well so did he.

He doesn’t need to say anything though, so that’s a moot point.

Man gets feelings hurt. Must be headline news! Now he will need therapy.

It never fails to shock me the length some women will go to do insist no man can ever prefer a larger woman. There is no indication he is saying this to knock her confidence or drag her down. He didn’t want to say anything at all, OP insisted. He gave his genuine feelings that he preferred her body when it was larger than it is now. That doesn’t even mean at its fullest - it just means he preferred her before she lost as much weight as she did.

Plenty men prefer a fuller figure. It’s not criminal to admit you are struggling with extreme body changes in your partner. It can be difficult to get used to regardless of if it is gaining or losing weight, surgery, or anything else that creates a significant physical difference to what they’re used to.

As a man, I always remember the old truism that women who are a few pounds overweight tend to live longer than men who mention it.

Not really - OP pushed him for honesty.

As I said above, it’s perfectly normal to struggle with extreme physical changes in your partners appearance.

I know I shouldn't be, but I am surprised at the lack of reading comprehension on this thread. Its not even as if the op is complicated to understand 🥴

Losing that much weight in 5 months will initially make you look older as your skin’s elasticity is unable to asjust that quickly alongside it. It can make the face look older at the beginning.

Are you quite young OP? Making a gibe about your husband’s ‘chide’ is immature at best and nasty at worst.

He didn't want to say anything????.

Unasked, he went on and on about her being too thin. OP says that in the first post.

He went on about it so much she eventually asked if he still found her attractive.

Why did she ask? Because he'd been going on about it so much!

That was all she asked. And he decided that not only would he tell her she was too thin, he'd also tell her she looked older.

She didn't ask him that either.

Agree this is a possibility. Id be so self conscious being intimate with someone who actually said out loud they thought i was too thin despite still being a very healthy weight, old looking, only "not unattractive" to them now, not as sexy, and overall preferred it when my health was at risk 😔

She didn’t ‘push for it’..she asked him after he “kept going on”.

He gave you a straight answer to your question and you got verbally abusive.

Rapid weight loss causes skin changes, especially visible on the face. It's aging.

It's a tradeoff. You got rapid weight loss and your blood pressure normalized, but your husband is having difficulty in adjusting to your changed appearance.

Don't ask for the truth if you can't handle it.

If you are happy, I’m not sure why you got so upset.

Sudden weight loss makes people look older, it’s a fact. You lost a lot of weight, very fast. Sounds like you may not have to get on with his chode for awhile 😆