A Mumsnet Story

[HowDairy]

(Please humour me, I'm ill and thoroughly fed up of being ill!)

It was a dark and stormy night.
The wind was howling and it sounded menacing.
In the distance I could see...

We're made of plastic and the supplier left the Temu label on and they weren't mid century.
What should I do now..

Oh wait, I know what I can do, start telling everyone transwomen are men, because nothing in my life matters more than that message. I ring my friend and….

For some reason they dont answer, even though I know they are home, dont they want to hear my views?!?

I was only going to chat for half an hour or so. not too long.

Perhaps I should find new friends. These ones say thing like 'could of' and 'should of' and...

eat at the Toby Carvery.

There goes my doorbell again.
i am not expecting any visitors.
who could it be?
what should I do?

...someone who wants me to get a smart meter, Neighbourhood Watch or the lady with the purple hair from number 57...you decide!

But the purple haired lady isn't a real lady as it's a c**k in a frock and I've nothing his size
What now?

This is MN, I know they’d advise DO NOT ANSWER. so I turn up the radio and turn out my lights, I don’t move at all, lie still on the floor, until suddenly BOOM! ……

Ah, DD has tried to boil eggs in the microwave again! At least she didn't...

Open the front door. Having peeped through the curtains I could see it was the local delivery driver. We’d not ordered anything…..must be a neighbour’s parcel again….

I pee as I laugh I knew that Janice over the road had deliveries from ASDA and only pretended her bolly at Christmas was from Harrods.

And the George tag on her designer dress I mean it's hardly haute couture and

Now we know that she has added a é to the George and that it's not haute couture.

Dam! Tomorrow is bin day! I have to nip outside.
i open the door - the bloody cheek of it! The delivery driver left Janice’s parcel on my doorstep! I don’t understand! Why not put it on her doorstep.

so I put out my bin and take the parcel in. My head is pounding…..what do I do with it?

You get angrier and angrier and more frustrated by the day and result in a AIBU thread on MN - obviously? Surely that's the more logical approach than just taking it over later on.

This thread results in a Mumsnet pile on with everyone telling you to LTB! Lose the bin..

I've been keeping all my doorbell camera footage and I know that it's Derek at No. 5 who has been nicking my professionally cleaned bin, and swapping it for his discusting manky one.
I'm going to put a thread up now to ask MN what I should, because of course, even though I earn a 6 figure salary, I just don't have the critical thinking skills to work through that.

The overwhelming response came back “we need a diagram or we can’t possibly answer” and while you’re at it…

...tell Derek that he really shouldn't park on the opposite side of the street to your dropped kerb, as it means that you can't drive out easily.

Meanwhile, Janice’s parcel is sitting looking at me. I’m not going to drop it round, that’s too easy for her. But I don’t want it sitting here either. I know! I could …..

...put the parcel in her recycling bin and then send a picture to her of it there, I'm not quite sure which her bin is, but that's her problem to solve..

Because, as we know, Derek likes to play Musical Bins.
The kids next door were on their half term break and they are quite fond of...

Kicking footballs over the fence and screaming from 7am.
But I know how to get my own back ...