A Mumsnet Story

[HowDairy]

(Please humour me, I'm ill and thoroughly fed up of being ill!)

It was a dark and stormy night.
The wind was howling and it sounded menacing.
In the distance I could see...

it, unless you see a diagram. From behind my curtains I can see that someone has moved my cone and parked in my space! Would I be unreasonable to…

...order a Penguin Bollard and install it when nobody's looking?

Last time I tried that, someone logged it the police...
So I got my own back by

installing my very own little elderly Korean lady in their drive.
The neighbours will not...

...be parking there again, they'll have to park further up the street right outside the school gates. Then we can watch the fun ensue when the person whose drive they are blocking goes out and tell them to...

Give their head a wobble and..

... and have a word with themselves.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

I've decided to get my ducks in a row and

Finally do more research on Nellie from the gym …..and also to check out the value of DH investments. That’s what the MN hive have always advised.

It was a dark and stormy night again...
Things that go bump in the night were out
en force.
There were witches and ghouls and fearsome...

…knocks on the door. I ignored it - I was too busy looking on DP’s phone for…

signs that he had picked up on the many many hints I had left him to ensure that he has bought me the 'correct' gifts for Christmas instead of......

....the Dyson air wrap knockoff from Aldi..in which case I resolved to go no contact. But it wasn't the case because......

That story about Savernake Forest freaked me out for months.

I used to live near there and I was out for a walk at dusk once and heard voices, kept quiet and watched a couple of crims bury a bag of swag so after they went, I marked it with a stick and went back to dig it up.

It was 14 trimphones still in their boxes nicked from a local shop.

This was circa 1980. Sorry it's nothing spooky for Halloween.

There was a strange fog developing in the distance.
I could hear howling and a weird deep guttural growl.
I hid behind the curtains and awaited my fate.
All of sudden...

Bang!
a firework went off in the distance.
BUT IT’s ONLY HALLOWEEN!…

Zombies! It's hoard of zombies crashing through the playground, causing all that banging!
Heeeeelp, they're going to...

McDonald's

... for a massive burger salad.

Meanwhile,

The zombies decided to...

eat all the neighbourhood 'fur babies' that jump up at people, bark when left alone for a minute and are taken everywhere with their owners. This led to..........

...rioting in the aisles of B&M as people fought over the last few cans of zoflora zombie repellent spray.

The nation was aghast and the Prime Minister called for...

Ghostbusters!

As everyone prepared to...

Hunker down

.....And calculate the projected effect of the upcoming budget on their disposable income and their ability to go to Centreparcs every half term. Seeing as most Zombies usually manage to find discount codes that are kindly given on the pages of the Zombiesnet forum, it was all looking good and when night fell, a group of hairy beasts left their hiding places and went out to .............