A Mumsnet Story

[HowDairy]

(Please humour me, I'm ill and thoroughly fed up of being ill!)

It was a dark and stormy night.
The wind was howling and it sounded menacing.
In the distance I could see...

exasperated. I have life’s admin to tackle; Tarquin’s in reception and can’t master Shakespeare, so I have to find a window in my schedule to talk to the SENDCO about an ECHP, and we really must sort out a holiday, it’s been five whole weeks since we had a much deserved break, and we’re at the end of our rope. The Nanny we hired has …

...limited, there's bouillon, dessert, soup, serving, mustard spoons...

Nicked my £200 cashmere jumper that I bought to replace the one stolen by the cleaner!
You just can't get the staff these days.
However will I...

..... tell everyone to take their shoes off, or just remember it's a floor and there for walking on?

when everyone knows that it's unhygienic to have shoes on in the house, like those people that don't wash their pjs and towels daily because...

...they think it's a waste of time and money. However, every Monday, whatever the situation, I deep clean my

Loo brush then i

Do the hokey cokey

And then...

I snap and fart

But not before preparing lunch for the in laws which consists of their favourites from waitrose, like

some naice ham, a massive salad, 1/10 of a chicken from the previous week, some picky bits and.....

...a small cup of herbal tea. Afterwards we usually argue, particularly about the length of skirts on schoolgirls...

...and whether after school club should be offering jam sandwiches...

Or artisan sourdough with French salted butter as that's what they are used to they have a sophisticated palette for..

...and also why state schools don't offer croquet lessons, or prepare them for gymkhanas, or Medieval re-enactments..

Smoked salmon and artichokes … just as well really since we are still recovering from the in laws family outing last month to the local Toby Carvery which the SIL insisted on for DN birthday celebrations. I was not amused at all as

...some people were holding their cutlery in the wrong hands

But the gravy was nice

Afterwards we went to

...a few charity shops, but were horrified by the prices. What's happened? Why isn't everything £2 anymore? I saw a Jasper Conran coat for £15! What's more,

…when I later popped into Sainsbo’s I noticed that their small chickens have nearly doubled in size - I can’t possibly manage to fit a second week of leftovers into the freezer.

When I was leaving Sainsbo's, I noticed someone who had parked in the blue badge spaces, but they didn't look disabled to me, So...

I said "kindly leave this space, it's reserved for disabilities, you're being selfish and cruel!" Everyone around clapped and cheered

Later, as a curled up on my sofa with my barista oat milk latte, I posted in AIBU (for traffic) about my heroic activism.

Meanwhile, over at No.63, Alan was working up the courage for another trip to Snape Maltings.
He was still seething about his table, but unbeknownst to Mrs Alan, he had called up and asked the manager there to...

Order him the nest of three tables for the Orangery which….