A Mumsnet Story

[HowDairy]

(Please humour me, I'm ill and thoroughly fed up of being ill!)

It was a dark and stormy night.
The wind was howling and it sounded menacing.
In the distance I could see...

Where she couldn't believe people actually gave their children a fruit shoot

😁

And a Greg's sausage roll

You're lucky to afford a Greggs sausage roll,we have £100,000 income and have to

…cut back to four holidays a year. We’re thinking of subletting the annexe to MiL but she once told me

She’ll always come before me in the eyes of dh, maybe I should…

Stop asking her to babysit 10 hours a day

How awful my furniture was and that her husband Alan had tried to buy the exact same table at Snape Maltings, but she had made sure he got rid. I couldn't bear the thought of her ..

…that XL Bullies are lovable creatures and hers, Snarler, wouldn’t hurt a fly, except for that one time when…

left it in next doors noisy hut tub.

...but as I always said, that's what you should be prepared for when you go to Center Parcs. It's not like you weren't warned.

So I gave my head a wobble but just as I was getting my ducks in a row, suddenly…

The memory of the cystine chapel flooded back, the screams echoing around her head, she gasped out loud another scream forced its way out.. enough was enough, she snapped and…

Farted, suddenly she became aware of loud breathing behind her, it was her husband doing the t-Rex in…

… the penis beaker

Whilst a beautiful diagram of a parking space with an errant car was flourished at her

…. was just about to put the penis beaker in the dishwasher with the loo brush, when I heard that noise again from the bottom of the hedge….. it sounded like ….

Foxes shagging but I did wonder if

…it might have been a child who’d gone crazy after eating too much UPF food and spent too much time playing…

Some people had escaped from the sex topic

....thankfully it was just the OP who was returning to get her thread back on track.

At least op returned and didn't leave us guessing what if

I just replied to the email from the school and ….

Made a couple of beds up for my relatives who’d just arrived unexpectedly….

OP skulks in covered with bits of hedge trimmings, muttering "Bloody MNs, never answering their doors, don't they know it's -6° and blowing a hooley out there!"
She asks for a...