A Mumsnet Story

[HowDairy]

(Please humour me, I'm ill and thoroughly fed up of being ill!)

It was a dark and stormy night.
The wind was howling and it sounded menacing.
In the distance I could see...

…I found out her name - Voluptua McBotox - and tracked her down on Insta, and sneaked a look through my husband’s phone. Nothing yet, but…

It's even worse. The phone tracker has revealed that DH went to Jim's via McDonald's!! But I cook everything from scratch. I always buy naice ham too. What will the neighbours think....how can I face Penelope from the PTA again after this?

All that’s left to do now is to offer the cutted up pears which would go lovely with the naice ham, I need something while waiting for my Boden order.. I suspect though that the nanny might be..

But is her name really Penelope from the PTA I was asked as surely that is a bit outing

I suspect the nanny….. might be on Wegovy. She’s lost four stone in a month and is now a size 8. Am I wrong to think this is cheating? Why can’t she just eat sensibly, four lettuce leaves a day and a massive salad?

Ignore - something went terribly wrong there!
Or may be not... I feel I may have entered a parallel universe... I will repeat myself...

Took me back to my yoof - over 60 years ago... The dark and stormy tale my Grandad told me went like this:

It was a dark and stormy night.
Three old men sat in a barn. One said "Jo, tell us a story..."
And this is it...
It was a dark and stormy night... three old men sat in a barn...

Rinse and repeat...!

But then I wondered, the nanny is ‘Miss Penny’.
the girl at the gym is Nellie
surely, surely not….

It was a dark and stormy night... three old men sat in a barn...

in Savernake Forest.
We've all heard of the story about...

The elderly Korean lady

…who cancelled the cheque…

😁

Before getting the coach to Nee to treat herself to a yoni massage from Brian.

Newcastle. Bloody phone.

Yoni massage 😂

Seeing as I'm in Newcastle anyway, I may as well go and...

Check out my house on Rightmove, Why won't it sell?

maybe it’s because there’s a tiny little Korean lady who won’t get out of the garden. She has taken up residence there and won’t be moved. Which is very inconvenient for me as I’m having a dinner party tonight and I’ve got to put the pom bears in a bowl… I know I’m being unreasonable and I sound like hard work, but…

I’ve got to organise the bunting as well, and carry all the mental load because ‘d’h…

Has a hobby which he's busy with and I can't say what it is as it's very outing and.

I’m eating a massive salad before..

Preparing the cutted up pear...

and I have 3 pizzas for 43 guests which should be fine as I survive on that much all the time.

plus there's the tomato soup to go with the Pom Bears of course.

And the naice ham, ofc...

And the people in the hedge are too busy for pizza anyway

of course

Hopefully the guests will bring naice wine which I can secrete in my wine cellar and bring out the cheap stuff. 👍🍷