Favourite stupid joke

[BarilynBordeaux]

Times are hard so I wanted to start a thread of dumb jokes that crack you up.

my favourite:

Thinking about getting a glass urn when I die…Remains to be seen.

Why did the pervert cross the road?

because he couldn’t get his willy out of the chicken.

What's the difference between 'erotic' and 'kinky'?

For 'erotic', you just use a single feather; for 'kinky', you use the entire chicken.

@IfYouPutASausageInItItsNotAViennetta The one about politicians being like nappies is not a joke. It’s the plain truth.

This is awful . Not funny.

Indeed - there's much truth said in jest!

I don't get it at all. Do I actually want to know?

What cheese do you use to entice a bear out of its cave?

Camembert.

@IfYouPutASausageInItItsNotAViennettaI’ve just had to Google who Jay Slater is, and I’m still none the wiser about the Autoglass punchline.
I’m sure someone will put us out of our misery.

Well this daft and mostly pretty innocent thread took a bit of a turn!

Thanks very much, Chimp; how weird!

Maybe it's in the style of one of those old absurd jokes e.g. "Why is a fish? Because one of its legs is both the same" - and the 'joke' is that it there us no actual joke?!

Ah, I see it was about a man who died in very tragic circumstances.

I don't want to know any more about it now; I'm assuming it's sick and in very poor taste.

ThE joke is it’s a well known UK advert jingle, and is similar to a Marco Polo type scenario. I think the US have a similar advert but it’s called something else- safelite maybe?

Jay slater was a boy with a large criminal record (including chasing a lad with a machete and putting him in hospital) who stole a Rolex watch and went missing on holiday abroad a few years back. He was later found off a cliff and he was identified with fingerprints as the police had them from his criminal history. He had countless amounts of drugs in his system post mortem. His family controversially kept up a GoFundMe even after slater was found and identified and had his funeral. They used the money to buy holidays and fancy stuff. None actually got donated to the services who helped find Jay’s body or to any charities which supported the family. It was pretty well known in the UK but perhaps not elsewhere.

the joke was not an OG from me, Jeremy vine(sp) said it on a tv show and smirked before pretending he didn’t understand the joke. Hilarious but cannot take credit.

Ah, right - thanks for clarifying that, simsbustinoutmimi

That whole situation sounds very... involved.

It was a while ago now to be fair lol

Thank you for the context, @simsbustinoutmimi

I’m clearly a buffoon, though, cos I still don’t get the joke.

@ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews , You don't get it, because it is not funny in the slightest!

Thanks, Kermit.

I mean to be fair 70% of the jokes on this thread aren’t funny

So… is the “joke” meant to be that, even if he’d been hiding, he wouldn’t have been able to resist singing in response?

The definition of “hilarious” has been stretched to breaking point here.

Yeah that is a step too far that Jay Slater 'joke.' I get it, but it is in poor taste.

Would have been funny if he had been found alive and someone had said this, 'oooh someone shoulda shouted Autoglass repair at him! They'd have found him sooner! But the fact he died under tragic circumstances makes it a pretty nasty 'joke.'

I guess we all have a different sense of humour. Most of the jokes, even if not laugh out loud funny at least made me smile. And didn’t involve poking fun at the tragic death of a young man, whatever you may think of him.

Agree. ^ And I have found most of the jokes funny too! Baffled that someone said that 70% of the jokes on here aren't funny.

Yes

I had a racing snail who wasn't very fast, so I took his shell off to try and make him go faster. Unfortunately that didn't work, if anything he was even more sluggish.

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