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Original poster

I'm scared

450 replies

Underthesea65 · 03/02/2024 17:51

I know there's no magical answer but I just need to get my thoughts out. Sorry. I'm terminally ill. I'm 38 with an amazing DH, one adult daughter and one nearly adult daughter (19 and 17). I've just spent three weeks in hospital getting blood transfusions and iron infusions and currently I head to the emergency day procedure every three days for more. I have scope tests amd another procedure next Sunday. I'm in agonising pain, even with the highest dose morphine. I can do nothing for myself. I can't stop crying. I know there's people in far worse positions than me but I'm just struggling so badly at the moment. I know this thread is completely pointless to everyone reading it, but I just needed to vent, sorry

OP posts:
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12
NUtowanttosleep · 04/02/2024 11:48

I'm so sorry you are going through this OP

BMW6 · 04/02/2024 12:35

Keep talking on here OP, if you find it helps.

Thinking of you Flowers

Original poster
Underthesea65 · 04/02/2024 16:36

Hi all, sorry I'm only getting on now. I'm honestly having one of the worst days. The pain is unbearable and I am losing a serious amount of blood again, so if it doesn't stop it will be back to the hospital later for more emergency blood. I will try and get in when I can, but I have read all of your messages and really appreciate them so so much

OP posts:
Iknowtheyareusefulstorage · 04/02/2024 16:57

You do not need to apologise OP- you focus on yourself and don't worry about people on here. Keeping you in my thoughts. x

Tilllly · 04/02/2024 20:10

@Iknowtheyareusefulstorage is right - you come here as and when you need, you're under no obligation to keep on top of any messages

I'm sorry you're losing blood, that must be worrying

BMW6 · 04/02/2024 22:35

Hope you are getting pain relief 🙏

Teasie123 · 06/02/2024 22:59

@Underthesea65 how are things now missus? Hope you're a bit more comfortable. Thinking of you.🤗🤗

Original poster
Underthesea65 · 06/02/2024 23:04

Teasie123 · 06/02/2024 22:59

@Underthesea65 how are things now missus? Hope you're a bit more comfortable. Thinking of you.🤗🤗

Hi, thank you. It's been another rough day but actually getting a little bit of relief tonight which is an absolute joy to behold. Honestly, I'm still in pain but it's been a long time since it's been this good, if that makes sense. Doctor prescribed a higher dose of diazepam, as the more stressed I get, the more pain I'm in, so it's helping two things at once. Will be glad to get Sunday over me and see exactly where I stand with everything xx

OP posts:
Teasie123 · 06/02/2024 23:05

@Underthesea65 well we re all still here if you need us.🤗🤗🤗

Helplessandheartbroke · 06/02/2024 23:11

Sending a handhold op. Youre incredibly strong ❤

Bringonthesunforthewashing · 06/02/2024 23:17

Op glad you are feeling a bit better.

we are always here for a chat/moan whenever you are up to it. Xxx

Original poster
Underthesea65 · 06/02/2024 23:20

Thank you all. Honestly, it's just so lovely to be able to come on here and have support from people who don't even know me. It means so much. You are all amazing.

OP posts:
TheChosenTwo · 06/02/2024 23:22

I think it helps sometimes to get things out and voice them to faceless anonymous people.
There will always be someone here who will listen. 💐

Original poster
Underthesea65 · 06/02/2024 23:27

TheChosenTwo · 06/02/2024 23:22

I think it helps sometimes to get things out and voice them to faceless anonymous people.
There will always be someone here who will listen. 💐

Yes that's exactly it. Talking to people who are removed from the situation, sometimes is just so much easier. And I'm actually overwhelmed at the support. Like I said before, I was worried I would get a flaming and be told to stop moaning and it's been the exact opposite

OP posts:
Namechange600 · 06/02/2024 23:31

OP sending heartfelt best wishes to you and hope you get the pain relief and treatment you need ❤️

Safxxx · 06/02/2024 23:37

May God cure you ❤️🙏

Catmama123 · 06/02/2024 23:41

Hand hold OP, reaching out for support is such a good idea. You may also find someone who's been in a similar position and able to offer advice, will be keeping you & your family in my thoughts ❤️

Salaaaaaaaah · 07/02/2024 01:29

Tilllly · 04/02/2024 20:10

@Iknowtheyareusefulstorage is right - you come here as and when you need, you're under no obligation to keep on top of any messages

I'm sorry you're losing blood, that must be worrying

Yep. It's a great service by MN in being able to vent/seek comfort or advice.

Could do with some diazepam myself OP.

Original poster
Underthesea65 · 07/02/2024 02:30

Salaaaaaaaah · 07/02/2024 01:29

Yep. It's a great service by MN in being able to vent/seek comfort or advice.

Could do with some diazepam myself OP.

Show quote history

I'm sorry to hear that. hope you're okay. If you need to chat, please feel free to inbox me xx

OP posts:
Lwrenn · 07/02/2024 03:55

@Underthesea65 I'm sorry to read this my friend, we're similarly aged and I can't imagine how unbelievably strong you're being forced to be here. I'm in awe of your strength 🫂
I know you're based in NI from another thread and I'm not local enough to be any physical help, but you've said you're feeling better talking to stranger, you can always call me if you want, I have a baby so I'm always awake mad hours so anytime you need anything you let me know. Don't be keeping sweet FA bottled in.

Do you have any type of support workers/carers helping you whilst you're in pain to keep you and your home fresh and clean? Making you feel a bit more comfortable whilst you're in pain.

I'll ask my friends of faith to pray, my spiritual friends to do whatever the fuck they do and I'll hope for you that your pain eases up. Yourself and lovely wee family are in my thoughts 💐

RogueFemale · 07/02/2024 04:05

Big hug to you @Underthesea65

Josette77 · 07/02/2024 04:13

I am so sorry and angry you are going through this.

Vent all you want. We're here for you. 💐

Shivermetimbers13 · 07/02/2024 04:14

I'm so sorry you are going through all this. Sending my love to you. ❤

Tilllly · 07/02/2024 04:54

@Underthesea65 hope you're having a good nights sleep 🫂

Original poster
Underthesea65 · 07/02/2024 16:29

Hi all, I'm having a horrendous day with losing blood and pain. So I have to head to emergency procedure at 6 for blood transfusions. I can't even keep my eyes open for longer than 10 mins. They did bloods this morning and my level is 49 again. Just wanted to keep yous all updated as yous have been so lovely to me

OP posts: