I'm scared

[Underthesea65]

I know there's no magical answer but I just need to get my thoughts out. Sorry. I'm terminally ill. I'm 38 with an amazing DH, one adult daughter and one nearly adult daughter (19 and 17). I've just spent three weeks in hospital getting blood transfusions and iron infusions and currently I head to the emergency day procedure every three days for more. I have scope tests amd another procedure next Sunday. I'm in agonising pain, even with the highest dose morphine. I can do nothing for myself. I can't stop crying. I know there's people in far worse positions than me but I'm just struggling so badly at the moment. I know this thread is completely pointless to everyone reading it, but I just needed to vent, sorry

You are not pathetic, you are a living most people’s worst nightmare. You are a warrior. Keep posting, people are here for you.x

I am so sorry you are going through this, it must be so hard. Xx

“I know there's people in far worse positions than me.”

You are right up there OP, don’t apologise. Vent all you want, it’s unfair, cancer is a - well I won’t say it I’m sure you can guess.

I am so sorry for what you are going through, you are so brave. I second the cards/letters if you have children. My father passed when I was a lot older than your children but I’d have loved a letter from him, to open in the future.

There may be some better support on the other boards - with regards to pain management. I think there are specialists in it and it can take awhile to get it right.

You are FAR from pathetic!

It's only natural to be scared. is there anything you'd like to talk about in particular?

How long have you been coping with this?

🤲🏻 for the holding of.

🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗I'm a very huggy person, if you're not feel free to shove me off!!

You’re very far from pathetic OP. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. Sending you all the good vibes for tomorrow and beyond. Vent away if you feel it’ll help! Will be thinking of you

Thank you all so so much. It means so much to me to have lovely people like yourselves to talk to. I don't know what I want to say to be honest. I'm just thoroughly fed up but so bloody scared at the same time. Honestly I still don't know why I started thread. It's been an awful few days. And I guess I'm just at the end of my tether. I really appreciate all your love and support

Then just keep posting whatever comes to mind

We're here to support however we can

@Underthesea65 , I'm so very sorry that Ur going through all of this...i do believe that you have a strength in u that is making you reach out. U got this. Vent as much as you need to, U have earned that right. I will light a wee candle and say a prayer for you. But I sound like a trooper to me. And I honestly mean that.🤗🤗🤗

I’m sorry to hear this. I don’t know what to say to help. Please spend loads of time with your lovely family

I’m so incredibly sorry for you and your family. I sat with my dad in icu for three months while he was terminal. Big hugs to you and yours ❤️❤️❤️

OP you dear sweetheart 😔You can bloody well feel what ever you want. With bells on. I care and am thinking of you. Thoughts xx

This is heart-breaking for you and your family.
Are you able to relax at all and laugh and share silly memories? I do hope so and wish you well.

Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. Be prepared that he'll get upset. You are entitled to feel scared. Contact Macmillan nurses to come and talk to you all. It helped my friend when she was in your situation. Sometimes life is shit and I really feel for you. A massive virtual hug from me to you

Sending you the hugest hugs. My mum died early from terminal cancer and recently I found a counselling sheet she’d filled in which said she felt afraid and anxious. I feel sad that she couldn’t tell us as her family how she felt, as she put on a brave face, but I know she wanted to protect us. It’s important for you to have someone to speak to re how you are feeling which is all natural. Sending love xx

I've read your vent, and I see you. You have every right to feel all you are feeling, and to voice it. I know nothing I can say will make it better for you, and for that I am sorry. My sincere thoughts are with you, and I wish you comfort

Big hugs @Underthesea65 . Yea ur doing amazing if it's any consolation I'd be scared too it's a scary situation but you're being amazingly brave. Please ask what help is available to you and take it , sending love and prayers xx

sending lots of love xx

@Underthesea65 U know op, U think of all the things you've ever wanted and all the things you ve ever wanted done for you. Write a list and, within reason, the people who love U will make it happen, if they can. Think of all the massages, all the fattiest food, all the Christmases and birthdays u ever wanted, and have them!

❤️

I am so sorry for what is happening to you, and also for not knowing what to say. Sending big hugs.

Lots of love and support for you here, OP. The way you are feeling seems completely natural to me. Just let it all out.

This thread is not pointless and you are the very opposite of pathetic. You are quite rightly and understandably, utterly pissed off, angry and frightened. Who wouldn’t be? Vent away!
Sending the best, most positive thoughts your way, with lots of massive hugs xx

Just to say you are in my thoughts. Sending hugs your way x

Keep posting, OP, you'll get lots of support here. I can only imagine how shocked and scared you're feeling. How is your pain now?

Reading through all these messages is so heart warming to me and a few of you have given me great ideas. Thank you. I think I may have to sign off for now as my pain is getting worse and I think it's time for my sleeping pills and hopefully I can get some ease. I will be back when I can. Thank you again for all of your support. 🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻