Can I just have a moany, sweary, hateful rant about infertility?

[TheWayItAllWouldGo]

I am just done.

I hate my fucking body. I hate being the only childless one in my family. I hate the ovulation tracking, the pleading to the universe, the fucking 2 million pregnancy tests I've taken every month for the last 5 years.

The late periods.

The faulty tests and evap lines.

The stabbing pain in my heart when I see that light spotting yet again.

The having to schedule sex around my fucking fertility app.

The lovely pregnancy announcements I've seen from people I know lately.

The "when are you having kids?"

The "just stop stressing and it will happen"

The "we are blessed" posts

The crying.

The loneliness.

The pain.

I hate it all.

Yes I've been to the doctor. please don't offer me any advice. I just need to swear, cry and profess my hatred for life and how utterly cruel it is. I will go back to being happy for everyone tomorrow and nobody will ever know how deeply heartbroken I am.

I really hope that’s a line for you, and I’ve had positive tests like that, and it’s taken a good week to get a dark line. Keeping everything crossed for you xx

OP, I hope it is a line. And please rant any time.

Hi OP, yes that's definitely a line. Fingers crossed it progresses. But I do just want to warn you that I would think on a First response (which is sensitive up to 6 days early) and you being 2 days' late, that maybe it should be darker by now. You never know though. I suggest you try to wait another couple of days and test again with FMU... but I also know I would never be able to actually wait in your situation so good luck whatever you do!

Are you calculating when your period was due based on when your last one was or when you ovulated?

I've just found your thread op, I'm so sorry for everything you've been through. It's not fucking fair.
I've got everything crossed for you, I'm actually choked up at seeing that test and I hope to god this is finally it. 🤞🏼🤞🏼

Best wishes OP. Have everything crossed for you 🤞🏾 xxx

I'm sorry 😞 for you and wish a million stars that life can give you some joy in the future. Its OK to wallow I would do the same too.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you OP! What an amazing end to the year, there is definitely a second line x

Fingers crossed xxx

Its funking shit OP. I hear you.
DS stillborn 2020, mc 2021 and then this year I found I was pregnant in July...only to have a mmc.
Christmas stung, and to top it off all my BiL does is complain about his 2 healthy DSs. I'd give my right arm and leg for a Christmas with my DS.
No stupid advice here, but if its any help I'm getting pleasantly pissed through Christmas and new year and will get on the health train in the new year and look at it again.

I have read the thread and was going to say something else but have seen your update. Everything is now crossed for you x

How did it go today op? Did you do a second test? I've been thinking about you and hoping for the best.

Period is now 4 days late, I keep getting these vague, non-confirming lines. I don't know what's going on but I have a feeling that it isn't good.

Is it worth trying a digital test? I feel like a definitive yes or no would be less soul destroying?

I would try a different brand if you haven’t already. X

Hope you get a definitive answer soon OP, this must be agony for you xxx

I’m no expert but my guess would be there is a small amount of hcg in your urine meaning you’re getting faint positives. Sorry to say but I’ve had this before and it turned out to be a chemical pregnancy. I hope it’s a viable one for you. It’s so unfair that you’re left in limbo like this.

@TheWayItAllWouldGo worth a trip to the docs just to confirm it isn’t an ectopic. The joys of the infertility journey, hey?! Sending you ALL the best of vibes

It’s positive Op but very faint for 4 days late. Sorry I’m not trying to be a negative Nancy just think it’s wise to manage your expectations (which I’m sure you’re used to doing anyway ☹️) sending 🍷 and 🍰

This thread has made me cry. I really really hope that line gets stronger OP, but you’re right I think not to get too excited just yet.

I've only read your comments OP and not everyone else's.

I know you said you didn't want any advice so sorry if I'm speaking out of turn but I'd ask to see another GP as there are medical problems that cause difficulty in conceiving and difficulty in maintaining weight loss.

I've got everything crossed for you with your last posts.

The lines are still there, I see - keeping everything crossed for you.

Would an ectopic pregnancy take a while to show up on a test?

I'm thinking there's something not right. I don't have a good feeling about this at all

Ectopics can show up earlier because the egg implants earlier than one that makes the full journey down to the womb. Is it possible you've got your dates wrong?

My ruptured ectopic I was showing positive test about 5 days before AF due. I ruptured the day after AF was due.
My second ectopic I had strong positives but bad pain in side