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Original poster

Can I just have a moany, sweary, hateful rant about infertility?

239 replies

TheWayItAllWouldGo · 25/12/2022 00:30

I am just done.

I hate my fucking body. I hate being the only childless one in my family. I hate the ovulation tracking, the pleading to the universe, the fucking 2 million pregnancy tests I've taken every month for the last 5 years.

The late periods.

The faulty tests and evap lines.

The stabbing pain in my heart when I see that light spotting yet again.

The having to schedule sex around my fucking fertility app.

The lovely pregnancy announcements I've seen from people I know lately.

The "when are you having kids?"

The "just stop stressing and it will happen"

The "we are blessed" posts

The crying.

The loneliness.

The pain.

I hate it all.

Yes I've been to the doctor. please don't offer me any advice. I just need to swear, cry and profess my hatred for life and how utterly cruel it is. I will go back to being happy for everyone tomorrow and nobody will ever know how deeply heartbroken I am.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Changingplace · 27/12/2022 22:47

Ugh ‘completely different’ not complicated different, damn autocorrect.

Changingplace · 27/12/2022 22:53

RudsyFarmer · 27/12/2022 17:11

My friend a few years back did Slimming world and after a lifetimes infertility conceived two children in her late thirties/early forties. In her case it was PCOS and to conceive she didn’t have to become skinny. She would still have been classed overweight.

And? These kind of ‘miracle baby’ stories aren’t helpful to anyone suffering from infertility, just don’t do this, it’s really not the kind of thing anyone in this situation wants to hear.

Letitrainletitrainletitrain · 27/12/2022 23:14

RudsyFarmer · 27/12/2022 17:11

My friend a few years back did Slimming world and after a lifetimes infertility conceived two children in her late thirties/early forties. In her case it was PCOS and to conceive she didn’t have to become skinny. She would still have been classed overweight.

Most women also get pregnant if they go on grand designs. That doesn't mean standing in a field next to Kevin McCloud will miraculously cure the OPs infertility

Also as an aside, weight is less linked to issues getting pregnant as you get older with PCOS, e.g. the weight loss at her age was probably irrelevant. PCOS can actually improve as you reach your 40s in a small section of people which is where all the 'oh my friend tried for years and went on a beach holiday and relaxed and suddenly got pregnant' stories come from. It's not the relaxing or the weight loss, it's the changing hormonal profile as you age.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Miss03852 · 27/12/2022 23:16

Most women also get pregnant if they go on grand designs. That doesn't mean standing in a field next to Kevin McCloud will miraculously cure the OPs infertility

Yes because that’s the same thing. It’s not like there’s years of scientific literature on the effects of obesity on fertility. You can’t even get IVF on the NHS if you’re obese because it’s so unlikely to work because that’s how much obesity affects fertility.

Youngatheart00 · 27/12/2022 23:22

I won’t offer you any advice, just solidarity.

permanently infertile and childless not by choice here too, after a decade of trying (and failing)

This time of the year is the absolute worst, I get it.

I’ve now reached the stage of acceptance, and so for the first year it’s not been quite as hard, but by that I mean rather than crushing I’ve just had a quiet depression. Tried to enjoy the benefits of a child free life and seek solace in the stress parents are under at this time of year (sorry mumsnetters……!) it’s not all picture postcard for sure.

sending love and always happy for a PM if you want to chat

Letitrainletitrainletitrain · 27/12/2022 23:24

Miss03852 · 27/12/2022 23:16

Most women also get pregnant if they go on grand designs. That doesn't mean standing in a field next to Kevin McCloud will miraculously cure the OPs infertility

Yes because that’s the same thing. It’s not like there’s years of scientific literature on the effects of obesity on fertility. You can’t even get IVF on the NHS if you’re obese because it’s so unlikely to work because that’s how much obesity affects fertility.

I love how you totally miss out the absolutely relevant part of my post...

Also interesting how the OP being overweight had turned into posts about obesity

In patients with PCOS over 35 BMI is not significantly associated (in a negative way) with live birth rates

Which means in the post I was responding to slimming world was highly likely to be irrelevant

Mum1976Mum · 27/12/2022 23:31

I’m so so sorry. There is nothing worse that infertility….absolutely nothing. I look back to all the things I did when we were trying for 8 years and I’m a completely different person. I did things I can’t believe I did but I was so sad and desperate for a baby. I then had 10 miscarriages so I heard all the platitudes such as ‘well at least you can get pregnant now’. Honestly, you just have to do what you have to do to get through it. If you need to change jobs or miss your friends kids parties to stay sane then that’s what you need to do.

MyBooksAndMyCats · 27/12/2022 23:37

I'd be sacking the doctor off and getting a second opinion. Fuck that.

Redwineandbrie · 27/12/2022 23:49

I've been there op. It's utterly horrific and no one who hasn't been through it has an absolute clue how awful it is. Be kind to yourself, rant away because it is unfair and it is cruel, but ultimately you need to look after your mental health and grief.

Ilovechocolatetoomuch · 27/12/2022 23:56

life can be so cruel and it often seems some of the loveliest people seem to struggle the most.

Have you tried reflexology? I kind of scoffed at it as a load of rubbish but even if I wasn’t really convinced She was massaging my ovaries (inner heel) it was so bloody relaxing. It really helped me and it’s a lot bloody cheaper than ivf etc, it’s a nice thing to do for you as well.

Original poster
TheWayItAllWouldGo · 28/12/2022 01:03

I want to thank everyone on the thread who respected my wishes by letting me rant and rage about infertility without a) giving me advice/telling me to adopt, b) telling me how successful their pregnancy was or that of someone they knew and c) telling me to lose weight

I'm going to leave the thread now. I can't deal with the topic of my weight being discussed and how I should be happy that I have a chance of getting pregnant if I just lose weight. I've already explained that it's a triggering topic and why its so difficult for me, it's really, really upset me.

I'll just go back to silently hurting while pretending to be happy like I've been doing for years.

Enjoy the rest of the holidays all.

OP posts:
Quitelikeit · 28/12/2022 09:38

How comes after five years of trying it doesn’t trigger a referral for investigation? In most areas it would

takeitonthegin · 28/12/2022 11:36

Quitelikeit · 28/12/2022 09:38

How comes after five years of trying it doesn’t trigger a referral for investigation? In most areas it would

Speaking from my own experience, it depends largely on the GP. The vast majority go down the weight route. Mine used an episode of tonsillitis as an opportunity to lecture me on my weight. It almost felt like he was implying that if I wasn't obese, I wouldn't have got tonsillitis. I had another GP who was wonderful, very knowledgeable about hormonal issues and infertility and her approach was different. I struggled for nine years and seven of those were with a GP who blamed weight for everything including infertility. The other two were with the nice GP mentioned above who referred me straight away.

NippyWoowoo · 28/12/2022 11:46

Yeah except all research shows that your weight does impact your fertility and if OP’s doctor thinks it’s an issue then maybe if she addressed her diet she could actually get pregnant.

Fuck you for this. Turning the grief of infertility into a fat shaming competition, some people's callousness and stupidity had no depths

NippyWoowoo · 28/12/2022 11:47

Miss03852 · 27/12/2022 20:34

Ok so if it’s due to trauma then why don’t try and get therapy for that? This will catch up with you and you’ll have a miserable life as the health issues come up if you don’t address this.

You need therapy

NippyWoowoo · 28/12/2022 11:48

Miss03852 · 27/12/2022 23:16

Most women also get pregnant if they go on grand designs. That doesn't mean standing in a field next to Kevin McCloud will miraculously cure the OPs infertility

Yes because that’s the same thing. It’s not like there’s years of scientific literature on the effects of obesity on fertility. You can’t even get IVF on the NHS if you’re obese because it’s so unlikely to work because that’s how much obesity affects fertility.

Get. Help.

Youngatheart00 · 28/12/2022 11:48

Some of the responses here are awful. Infertility doesn’t discriminate, stop fat shaming. I’ve been a healthy BMI all my life and still never conceived. Again, solidarity with you OP. I hope you can plan lots of child free fun for 2023 and maximise life in your prime.

Luxembourgmama · 28/12/2022 11:53

Your doctor sounds really shit though. Can you not find another one?

Travis1 · 28/12/2022 11:59

RudsyFarmer · 27/12/2022 18:45

Errrr PCOS can be controlled by diet and I assume that particular diet controlled it for her. That’s not hocus pocus.

Slimming world is actually one of the worst ‘diets’ for PCOS and it fucks with your head. Also pretty sure the OP specifically said she wanted a rant not advice or stories so why not respect that eh?

@TheWayItAllWouldGo Im with you. 12 years down the line for us. I fling myself into Christmas because like the fu kwit I am I stopped taking my pill on Christmas Eve because isn’t that such a romantic decision to make at Christmas time 🤦🏻‍♀️

I had a cry in the panto yesterday when I looked at my nephew experiencing it for the first time and knowing I’ll never be able to have that magic with a child of my own. Much love to you

ChigedyJigHeeHawHeeHawItsDominicTheDonkey · 28/12/2022 16:28

Newnameforthistopic · 26/12/2022 11:08

Have these 'cheery' buggers suggesting adoption really thought their flippant remarks through?
Do they realise that we are hurt by them. Even those who do get round to fostering later. It HURTS the first few times.

I think some people think adoption is soooooo easy as well!! It flaming well isn't and any little thing is put against you. I'd love to adopt. I'm adopted, but I'm not allowed to adopt due to my past history of depression and self harming. For me on the right medication I can fall Pregnant. I have done 5 times. I just can't carry past the first trimester.

Original poster
TheWayItAllWouldGo · 29/12/2022 18:29

TRIGGER WARNING- pregnancy test pic. For those who don't wish to see.

Right, I wasn't going to come back to this thread seeing as a few posters made me upset, but my period didn't arrive yesterday as it was supposed to and still isn't here today, so I thought I might as well take a proper test instead of those godawful step ones.

I don't really know what else to say. Is it a "line"? Is it real? Shouldn't it be darker by now if so? Help.

Can I just have a moany, sweary, hateful rant about infertility?
OP posts:
PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 29/12/2022 18:33

There is certainly a line there, OP - it's obvious at the bottom of the window and fades as it goes upwards.

Sending positive thoughts your way.

Pollywoddles · 29/12/2022 18:39

I’m not loving the way it fades towards the top but I am absolutely crossing everything I have that this is your bfp. Do you have more tests? Might I suggest a different batch to be sure?

TheDuchessOfMN · 29/12/2022 18:42

Wow, that’s definitely a positive.

I knew there was something about that thin line on the last test you used, but I couldn’t bear to get your hopes up.

It should be darker in a day or two. Fingers crossed for you Flowers

Original poster
TheWayItAllWouldGo · 29/12/2022 18:53

Yes, the thinning at the top is concerning me too, and the fact that I'm 2 days late so I should surely be seeing a nice solid line?

Dopey here picked up a single test instead of a pack of 2 🤦‍♀️ Will get some more tomorrow if my period still doesn't arrive. I'm too scared to be hopeful, to be honest.

Also, I feel quite... angry? Like I feel annoyed that there is an inconclusive line there giving me hope, when I know my period is going to show up with bells on soon. Not sure if that's normal or not but I've been doing this for too long to feel hopeful. The universe likes to dangle the carrot infront of my face before snatching it away.

OP posts: