DP doesn't brush his teeth

[permanentgiraffe]

My fiancé rarely brushes his teeth. I brush mine twice a day morning and night. I think the last time he brushed his teeth was Tuesday morning or maybe even before then! He also rarely showers. He wipes his nose with his hand and not a tissue. If I prompt him to brush his teeth he sighs and gets annoyed. It's disgusting. He is lucky that he doesn't get bad breath.

He is great in every other way - very kind, caring, has a good job etc. He does his fair share of the work in the house although he is incredibly messy.

I have spoken to him before and said it is very disrespectful to me that he doesn't take care of his hygiene. I've said I deserve better. He said he isn't doing it to be disrespectful. He improved for a few days and he's slipped back into his bad habits.

Why am I marrying this absolute creature? As above, apart from the hygiene issue he is great in all other ways.

He will very likely start losing he teeth through decay & receding gums within the next decade. Also, there is a link between oral health & heart disease. www.colgate.com/en-us/oral-health/heart-disease/heart-disease-and-gum-disease#

Dentures, implants etc are really expensive. And it takes many years to go from a full set of healthy teeth, to the point where a full denture is appropriate. In the meantime he will either have to have regular work to update his implants/dentures (expensive), or he will increasingly struggle to eat a normal range of foods, especially healthy foods with a high fibre content, & will probably be a noisy eater.

My DH has poor dental health due to severe MH issues as a teen/early 20s. Unfortunately the damage is done. Even though he brushes properly now & has done ever since before we've been together (nearly 20 years ago), his teeth are awful & he has only 1 molar left (plus his wisdom teeth). He had 2 fall out a couple of years ago after a fall, as the roots/gums were in such poor condition. He's early 40s... his dental insurance costs more than 3x as much as mine. All the severe decay, gum disease, lost teeth happened after we got together, they looked perfectly ok & he hadn't actually lost any at that point, just a couple of fillings.

''@permanentgiraffe
When I speak to him about it, he says he will try his best but cannot guarantee he won't slip up from time to time. It's forming a new habit which can take time.
''

Seriously this guy is a complete waste of time.

We are talking about brushing your teeth and taking a shower, most kids can master that pretty quickly. You are not expect him to learn how to perform brain surgery...

That's not a ''forming new habit'' it is just basic skills that as an adult he should already have.

Why would you stay with someone like that?

Well he’s 35 so the chances of him changing is minimal
Your resentful now and rightly so
but wait till you throw in a few babies and toddlers 😂😂
ro be honest I don’t know how you share a bed with him
he doesn’t clean his teeth , he doesn’t shower

My french bulldog got better hygiene that yore dp and a Frenchie can’t even clean his own ass

He’s gross and your clearly desperate for any bloke to put up with someone with such vile habits

Sex strike. He's not touching you unless he's showered and brushed his teeth in the last 12h. Easy.

Imagine what other bits of his body he is not washing🤑
I couldn't be with someone like this

@permanentgiraffe stop having sex with him and stop kissing him. Tell him its a turn off that he isn't clean. He might start to shower and brush. If he doesn't, then i don't know what else to suggest (sorry)

Ew, you'd be better off marrying a goat.

Your fiance will be crawling with germs and fungus 🤢

As someone upthread has already mentioned, he will get worse. What's your limit? skid marks on the bedsheets? squished peas between the teeth? You may not notice him ponging, but others soon will and you'll find yourself in the friendship wilderness because of his aversion to keeping himself clean.

Dh goes through phases of this.
He tends to do his teeth just as he leaves the house, so if he's working from home and not set to leave the house, he forgets.

Thing is, I can always tell and he gets stroppy when I tell him, but he goes and does it. I've told him I will always tell him and if he doesn't like it he can either start doing it himself or he can leave.

X-post. He's 35? The fact that he's got to this age without managing to learn proper habits to use a toothbrush, shower or handkerchief is worrying TBH. Coupled with the general messiness I'd find that rather offputting. My DH hasn't got good teeth but his issues were largely to do with the serious illness of a parent for the majority of his teens, plus undiagnosed ADHD. By the time DH & I actually got together he'd sorted his lack of self care issues out & was over the worst of the MH problems.

It takes 5 minutes to shower and two minutes o brush your teeth.

He won't spend 9 minutes a day to make you happy. You're not worth 9 minutes of his life.

Let that sink in.

Foul

Don't marry him.You will stop seeing how great guy he is. In couple of years he'll be only a guy who doesn't shower and brushes his teeth. You will despise him.

Horrible just horrible .

Dear Lord, do not marry this guy. Where are your standards? He’s a minger!

I was just about to say if he hasn’t had any dental issues as a result so far he’s been lucky! But they will inevitably happen.

I couldn’t do it personally

I take it you don't have sex

Nothing nicer than the smell of freshly showered, minty man!! Poor hygiene would be a deal breaker for me, I'm afraid.

Do you want to have kids?

Because he's going to be parenting them 50% of the time (ish) with attitudes like this.

I would be running a mile by the way. Is there anything else going on that he has such a lack of care for himself?

Mine doesn’t even have a toothbrush

Yuck no I was married to one of those and never, ever again.

Has he got mental health problems? Lack of hygiene can sometimes be caused by this? If he is just lazy then stop having sex with him, it's a total turn off.

Do you want to live with this every day? Also, if you have children do want them to have this as an example of personal hygiene?

I'm going to actually be helpful here. My husband was bad at brushing his teeth but I was just really honest with him about it and now he does it religiously twice a day. Like yours he didn't suffer with bad breath it was very weird! Just be honest with him

Ew. Can’t see how he’ll be a good father. Or, rather, he’ll do the fun things and you’ll be doing all the boring tough bits cos if he won’t do his own hygiene he won’t do theirs either. And when you say Go brush your teeth, the kids will just say Daddy doesn’t.

honestly it’s revolting, disrespectful to him and you. ew ew ew ew.

he’s going to have an empty mouth with brown stumps if he’s already having them out at 35 because of this. And his breath will end up smelling. 🤢🤮

it’s bad for heart health.

this is just so not ok. Get rid asap. Respect yourself please.

it will only get worse!!!