DP doesn't brush his teeth

[permanentgiraffe]

My fiancé rarely brushes his teeth. I brush mine twice a day morning and night. I think the last time he brushed his teeth was Tuesday morning or maybe even before then! He also rarely showers. He wipes his nose with his hand and not a tissue. If I prompt him to brush his teeth he sighs and gets annoyed. It's disgusting. He is lucky that he doesn't get bad breath.

He is great in every other way - very kind, caring, has a good job etc. He does his fair share of the work in the house although he is incredibly messy.

I have spoken to him before and said it is very disrespectful to me that he doesn't take care of his hygiene. I've said I deserve better. He said he isn't doing it to be disrespectful. He improved for a few days and he's slipped back into his bad habits.

Why am I marrying this absolute creature? As above, apart from the hygiene issue he is great in all other ways.

I'm actually disgusted you are suggesting people with ASD lack hygiene! This has nothing remotely to do with ASD (yet every single thing on this site ASD is falsely dragged into it) and it's disgraceful you are suggesting it does. Give your head a wobble and stop disrespecting those of us with ASD! You should be ashamed.

How dare you assume! I'm also 34 year old woman who has ADHD i also work with people with ASD! I NEVER STATED THAT WE ALL SUFFER WITH POOR HYGIENE MEARLY ITS SOMETHING THAT IS COMMONLY ASSOCIATED!

So how about you stop being so defensive and give your own head a wobble! Rude.

Then you should know it is not a part of ASD, and stop falsely claiming it is. How dare you.

No, it is not associated at all, let alone 'commonly'. Please don't lie.

Poor hygiene due to difficulty with maintaining routine is absolutely a symptom of ASD and ADHD.

Thank you @LeopardLife it is.

Have some self respect op.

He won't change permanently. It's grim. Is he generally lazy too?

Glad you pointed out you're not his mother but I'd be surprised if that is enough to keep him on the straight and narrow.

Does he have any family members? What is their hygiene like?

@permanentgiraffe Is he on the spectrum?? Diagnosed or not? This is such a sensory thing, I know alot of people who are neurodivergent who do not like to wash or keep up with basic hygiene and who are terribly messy!! It's a real issue.

So, OP, is he now making an effort? Was ‘feeling upset’ enough to galvanise your partner into brushing his teeth and showering? I’ll admit I am really intrigued as to whether his behaviour has changed. Also can’t understand for the life of me how you managed to get as far as being engaged to someone with such poor hygiene. Most women wouldn’t have touched him with a 10 foot barge pole.

Literally no sexual activity. Easy.

There's nothing to indicate this many has ASD/ADHD other than his poor hygiene.

The majority of people who don't brush their teeth do not have ADHD/ASD.

Yes poor hygiene can be a symptom, but with nothing else to go on surely you can see why its a bit offensive to suggest this man has ASD/ADHD.

Oh dear no.
If he can't maintain a basic level of hygiene with teeth and showering then god knows what his manhood is like!!
If he doesn't have any respect for himself, then how can he have respect for you?
No, sorry.... he wouldn't get within arm's length of me, however wonderful he is otherwise.

In my original message it was mearly a suggestion as it can be sensory. And as a adhd sufferer myself having adhd is not something I'm personally ashamed of/ offended by. So it was moat definitely not to cause offence.

Since my last post he has been brushing his teeth and has had a shower... saying that, I'm not sure whether he brushed them this morning. Let's see how long this lasts

My husband had a similar issue when we started dating, except his breath smelled. I told him so. He genuinely didn't know and hadn't been to a dentist in years. He told me he was not really told to brush his teeth much as a child and rarely went to the dentist. Then he had a bunch of traumatic dental visits for things like pulling wisdom teeth and root canals without proper anaesthetic that sounded truly traumatic. I made an appointment for him with my dentist and they cleaned his teeth properly which made a huge difference. They told him he had gum disease and was at risk for losing his teeth. That made him pay attention. He actually has gorgeous teeth - never had a cavity and they are bright white. So lucky. Anyway, in the end he realized dental care was important because he heard it from a professional, not via me nagging him. He takes good care of his teeth now.

I’m glad he is now making a bit of an effort. I commented earlier to say DH ‘forgets’ sometimes. Well I asked him this lunchtime….apparently he’d been too bloody busy to brush his teeth that morning. He will go to go to the office without brushing and says it will make his office taste bad. I find it utterly vile and lazy. I am going to talk to him AGAIN tonight, I don’t think he realises how much it annoys me, and I hope he will make an effort like your DP…….