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Original poster

DP doesn't brush his teeth

242 replies

permanentgiraffe · 14/10/2022 12:04

My fiancé rarely brushes his teeth. I brush mine twice a day morning and night. I think the last time he brushed his teeth was Tuesday morning or maybe even before then! He also rarely showers. He wipes his nose with his hand and not a tissue. If I prompt him to brush his teeth he sighs and gets annoyed. It's disgusting. He is lucky that he doesn't get bad breath.

He is great in every other way - very kind, caring, has a good job etc. He does his fair share of the work in the house although he is incredibly messy.

I have spoken to him before and said it is very disrespectful to me that he doesn't take care of his hygiene. I've said I deserve better. He said he isn't doing it to be disrespectful. He improved for a few days and he's slipped back into his bad habits.

Why am I marrying this absolute creature? As above, apart from the hygiene issue he is great in all other ways.

OP posts:
Chloefairydust · 14/10/2022 13:13

RandomMusings7 · 14/10/2022 12:46

Sex strike. He's not touching you unless he's showered and brushed his teeth in the last 12h. Easy.

This…

I could not be intimate with a man who doesn’t take care of his hygiene. Certainly no BJs! … Ugh he sounds gross OP…😬 🤢

Has he always been this way or do you think he might be depressed?

I think the absolute minimum is to brush his teeth and shower at least once a day… I don’t know why anyone would live this way… But sex would be off the table till he could sort himself out 🤢

TheSandgroper · 14/10/2022 13:13

God almighty. Have some standards of your own at the very least. Learn to value yourself.

sorry if I am harsh. But he is awful and appears to have always been. Men do not change. What you find is what you get.

Alopeciabop · 14/10/2022 13:14

RandomMusings7 · 14/10/2022 12:52

It takes 5 minutes to shower and two minutes o brush your teeth.

He won't spend 9 minutes a day to make you happy. You're not worth 9 minutes of his life.

Let that sink in.

This

Eek3under3 · 14/10/2022 13:17

I have to remind DH to brush his teeth. I hate it. Actually made a star chart once…

Seriously though, I kick him out of bed if he tries to get in without brushing his teeth.

TheSandgroper · 14/10/2022 13:17

Somewhere on here (and I couldn’t find it) is a woman whose other half had never, that’s never ever, washed under his foreskin.

Honestly OP, just get the basics of your life right and it will improve with you. Himself is not right for you. You deserve someone nice and who will value you.

DariaMorgendorffer · 14/10/2022 13:19

LaDamaDeElche · 14/10/2022 12:43

Does he have ADHD? A lot of people with ADHD struggle with daily routine and hygiene, although I think most try to find strategies to overcome this by the time they get to adulthood. If he doesn't have ADHD or anything else that may affect his ability to keep a normal daily routine, I think you have to look at this as a dealbreaker tbh. What may be tolerable (just) now, will most likely not be tolerable down the line. There's really no excuse for poor personal hygiene in neurotypical adults. It's disrespectful to your partner, as let's be real no one wants to have sex with someone who hasn't washed for days. Also, the bedsheets get musty, even sofas pick up smells from dirty hair and feet. Past the teenage years there really is no excuse for this. It's gross and disrespectful.

Can I ask you why, of all the possible reasons in the world, would you first suggest ADHD as a reason he doesn't clean his teeth? Is it because it's a term used a lot at the moment, particularly on social media and these boards?
Or are you someone with ADHD who doesn't maintain your daily hygiene, and are speaking from your own personal experience?

There are many, many reasons why an adult may not prioritise their hygiene. Statistically, there are other more likely causes than adhd, and I feel that offering it as a likely solution to every dh's failing on this board is very harmful to public perceptions of adhd, and therefore to those who have adhd.

DariaMorgendorffer · 14/10/2022 13:20

Op, you deserve so much more than this. Hygiene is the bare minimum. I couldn't stay with someone like this, and if you need to hear that you're in the right here, you are. Nobody should have to deal with this.

Idontgiveashitanymore · 14/10/2022 13:21

Sounds like a keeper 😩

TheCatterall · 14/10/2022 13:22

How can you be intimate with someone like this? how grim.

I love giving oral sex and I’m just imaging the smells wafting down there. Nope.

Id make it a thing you do together maybe? Or maybe go swimming together. Even if he doesn’t shower before and after - he’s got wet…

maybe start with brushing your teeth together whilst you get ready for bed?

Spanielsarepainless · 14/10/2022 13:23

Hygiene is an absolute minimum in an intimate relationship. At least you have found out before you married him. I find it all utterly gross.

RandomMusings7 · 14/10/2022 13:25

Do you get recurring UTIs or BV by any chance, @permanentgiraffe ?

Carlycat · 14/10/2022 13:26

Grim. I'd run a mile 🤮

ForTheLoveOfSleep · 14/10/2022 13:28

Do you kiss him OP? Does he give you oral? 🤮

squishee · 14/10/2022 13:31

ForTheLoveOfSleep · 14/10/2022 13:28

Do you kiss him OP? Does he give you oral? 🤮

And the reverse doesn't bear thinking about, surely?

SeasonsHeatings · 14/10/2022 13:31

What are his parents like? If he wasn't taught as a child then he'd have to teach himself as an adult and obviously hasn't managed to do that.

You say when you've mentioned it in the past he's started but then fallen back into not doing it. Does he seem forgetful with other things that aren't part of his usual routine? Say you ask him to do something off schedule before he leaves for work will he always do it or often forget?

He could just have a shit memory. Or he could be lazy.

If you love him, which is sounds like you do, then you could try again to help him to remember long term. Have a chat and say you will remind him if he forgets and you don't want him getting mad when you do because you're just doing it for his health.

Obviously that's not your job and he's a grown adult so If you don't want to help him then maybe split up. Or live with him not brushing his teeth and washing.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 14/10/2022 13:32

Every time he went down on me I'd be thinking "Here comes another bout of BV" 😩 <-- not my orgasm face

And if he doesn't go down on you, what's the point of him anyway?

DreamingOfSoftWhiteSand · 14/10/2022 13:32

awakenme · 14/10/2022 12:22

This will likely get even worse once you are married.

This!

AriettyHomily · 14/10/2022 13:32

Dealbreaker for sure. 🤮

LaDamaDeElche · 14/10/2022 13:33

Can I ask you why, of all the possible reasons in the world, would you first suggest ADHD as a reason he doesn't clean his teeth? Is it because it's a term used a lot at the moment, particularly on social media and these boards? Or are you someone with ADHD who doesn't maintain your daily hygiene, and are speaking from your own personal experience? There are many, many reasons why an adult may not prioritise their hygiene. Statistically, there are other more likely causes than adhd, and I feel that offering it as a likely solution to every dh's failing on this board is very harmful to public perceptions of adhd, and therefore to those who have adhd

I have a child with ADHD and also three close family members, one of whom got diagnosed in adulthood. It's a very common symptom of ADHD. Why something that is common in people with ADHD should seem a harmful perception is quite bizarre. As I said, most people who have ADHD will have developed strategies to help them manage their daily routine in adulthood, but some will still struggle.

iRun2eatCake · 14/10/2022 13:34

I actually feel quite nauseous imaging having a manky mouth kissing mine, dirty fingers touching intimate parts and his unwashed smeggy cock inside me.

He won't change... so you either have to put up with him and his festering body or leave.

TheNoodlesIncident · 14/10/2022 13:34

Well, that's a dealbreaker, isn't it? He must be very very nice indeed for you to consider marrying him despite his soap dodging.

It would be a rock hard NOPE from me. I don't believe this is a high bar to set for adults. (I'm trying not to imagine that "teeth wearing jumpers" feeling... <gip>)

Chloefairydust · 14/10/2022 13:34

TheSandgroper · 14/10/2022 13:17

Somewhere on here (and I couldn’t find it) is a woman whose other half had never, that’s never ever, washed under his foreskin.

Honestly OP, just get the basics of your life right and it will improve with you. Himself is not right for you. You deserve someone nice and who will value you.

What???😱🤢

Gamerlady · 14/10/2022 13:34

That's beyond disgusting.. basic hygiene is a must .. he must stink.. be a deal breaker for me

Rockingcloggs · 14/10/2022 13:37

How can you be with such a scrubber? Do you have sex? Kiss him?

Chloefairydust · 14/10/2022 13:41

iRun2eatCake · 14/10/2022 13:34

I actually feel quite nauseous imaging having a manky mouth kissing mine, dirty fingers touching intimate parts and his unwashed smeggy cock inside me.

He won't change... so you either have to put up with him and his festering body or leave.

don’t You mean dirty ‘snotty’ fingers? … OP says he wipes his nose on this hands too.🤢