DP doesn't brush his teeth

[permanentgiraffe]

My fiancé rarely brushes his teeth. I brush mine twice a day morning and night. I think the last time he brushed his teeth was Tuesday morning or maybe even before then! He also rarely showers. He wipes his nose with his hand and not a tissue. If I prompt him to brush his teeth he sighs and gets annoyed. It's disgusting. He is lucky that he doesn't get bad breath.

He is great in every other way - very kind, caring, has a good job etc. He does his fair share of the work in the house although he is incredibly messy.

I have spoken to him before and said it is very disrespectful to me that he doesn't take care of his hygiene. I've said I deserve better. He said he isn't doing it to be disrespectful. He improved for a few days and he's slipped back into his bad habits.

Why am I marrying this absolute creature? As above, apart from the hygiene issue he is great in all other ways.

Jesus, you're all so judgemental and rude with these replies. Op, his value isn't in his teeth and unless you're specifically saying he stinks, it's his business. In fact, posting about him like this in a forum is so disrespectful.

He can set alarms daily. He’s disgusting, sorry no way I’d marry him

I had a BF who was similar. His teeth were a bit of a state. After a while of me nagging, I learned that it was more due to his anxiety about the dentist and it was a real issue for him. We did work on it together, and I eventually helped him pluck up courage to go and he had extensive treatment there, and he was actually really proud of his teeth when it was done and he kept up the hygiene. But then, in many other ways, I felt that it was always me who was the instigator of these things, and the reminders I had to give him and so forth...I was proud of him for sorting his teeth out and was glad I had supported him to do that, but we broke up eventually because I could never imagine having kids with him; he felt like a child already to me. I didn't want to be the nagger / instigator of everything in his life. I often wonder how he's doing now...but I'm glad I'm not responsible for him!!

My first boy friend had bad breath. He soon started to brush his teeth regularly when I told him he'd have to brush them if he wanted a snog! Only had to tell him once!

I’m another one querying whether he has something like ADHD. My daughter has it and can be very organised in some areas of her life whereas others are utter chaos. Routines are extremely difficult to introduce and self care / personal hygiene went out of the window completely at one stage. She’s now gone the other way and needs to get up 2.5hrs before her school bus to do all her ablutions but before that she’d have skipped everything and I can easily see how that could have followed through into adulthood. She’s also extremely messy.

This can’t be real. How is he going to work etc? Surely he smells. What do his family make of it?? Don’t marry him until he puts it right. He’s not 3!!! A new habit can start now. X

There's more bacteria in the oral cavity than the arsehole. His teeth will be literally covered in bacteria and rotting food. And are you happy to lick someone's shit? A sandwich of dental plaque?

Of course it's unpleasant not to brush your teeth or shower for days on end. No one wants to kiss a dirty mouth, or have sex with a cheesy knob. He'll be making the bedsheets OP uses dirtier because he's unclean.

He's entitled to do what he wants, but as his partner OP is entitled to find it off putting and leave him if its too much

I think you need to ask yourself if you're prepared to live with this stuff. If he's made it to his mid 30s without regularly brushing his teeth or washing, then it is quite possible that this will continue for the rest of his life. With you nagging him about it all the while.

Can you put up with that? If you can't, you might want to reconsider the engagement.

Also I find it impossible to believe his breath doesn't smell. Maybe you are just used to it OP as I've never met anyone who doesn't brush their teeth who's breath doesn't smell!

I know you are not his mother as someone else pointed out l, but if he I'd a good partner in other ways then you just have to keep reminding ding him u til it becomes habit. And by reminding him I mean say no to kissing if he hasn't brushed his teeth and no sex without a shower first!!

Basic hygiene isn’t simply a health recommendation, but common courtesy to everyone around you. There is a reason why Europeans refer to rotten fangs as “English teeth.” I would be ill

sorry - pressed post accidentally
I would be ill if my DH wanted me to kiss an unclean mouth. Bleh!!!

I will bet my house that he doesn't wash his hands after using the loo and probably doesn't wipe properly either. Sometimes going nuclear on someone is the only way to shake them and make them shape up.

Do not marry this man @permanentgiraffe He will not change. I foolishly let this go with my dh for far too long, then when I had a very tactful word with him he made an effort for a few days, then back to normal. Then when I mentioned it again, I was "nagging" and he was determined to do things his way, i.e. not brush his teeth. By the time we hadn't been intimate for literally years and he didn't know why, forcing me to point out again it is only normal and respectful to your partner to brush your teeth every day, he again made an effort. Again this lasted a few days. Now he does them once a week on a saturday morning, never before bed, therefore I have to spend my nights facing away from him, really uncomfortable trying to sleep, and he seems mystified as to why I don't want to spend any time with him or talk to him. I repeat, do not marry this man.

@fourquenelles if he's anything like mine, no, he won't wash his hands properly. Mine turns the tap on for half a second so I can hear the water on, literally pretending to wash his hands. As if I'm that stupid. Pathetic.

@TeenoHarz

oh give over

why should op accept this piss poor level of hygiene?

you talk about respect but he isn’t being very respectful towards her is he??

@permanentgiraffe

his breath will stink

simple as that

you’ve just got used to it

OP, leave him. He won't change, he will only get worse as time goes on. You two are completely incompatible and you deserve better. How can you even kiss a dirty man that doesn't wash, let alone actually have his penis inside of you? That is so rank it is beyond grim. Have some self respect, he is a disgusting thing and you deserve better. Hygiene is or should be a dealbreaker. I can't imagine how he'd even get a girlfriend!

Exactly!!

Sounds like he’s maybe depressed to me. I’d urge him to make a GP appointment.

I bet he doesn’t wash his hands after touching raw meat either 🤮

I wouldn't even entertain marrying this minger until he consistently showers and brushes his teeth every day.

Eww! Surely you don't sleep with him if he hasn't washed?

I don't understand this post. Who are you addressing?

Ugh does he not like bj's or sex or kissing? Just noooooo

I'm actually quite digusted in the responses on this thread.
If this is someone who may possibly be nurodiverse I hope you all hang your heads in shame.
Yes it may be disgusting and unhygienic but I work with people with ADHD and they most definitely do not do these thing on purpose and tend to be highly intelligent. They know its wrong and they know it is disgusting they are not stupid! But it cannot be helped and they should be encouraged and supported !!