Things I learned too late in life

[Spiceup]

No one anywhere has ever had their life improved by me wearing high heels. I now wear comfy shoes for every occasion and life is immeasurably better. I can move quicker, get more done in a day and never miss any fun because my feet hurt or I don't have suitable footwear. I don't know what on earth possessed me for so long.

What's yours?

I keep coming back to this - and it sends me down unwelcome paths of memory and mistakes …

I think I learned this happily early but no one that you walk past on the street is going to give a shit what you look like or what you're wearing. And the only people who's opinions matter to you, won't care either as they see the person inside the clothes and makeup.

So .. only wear the clothes and makeup that make you feel good. Don't do any of it for anyone else.

Im still too self conscious and blush at the drop of a hat. I need to learn people dont care about me, they aren't all looking at me. I dont know when that will kick in.

Don't walk into a room and worry if people will like you. Walk into the room and wonder if YOU will like them.

Such a simple change of mindset has stopped my anxiety and boosted my confidence.

The power of compound interest

That it is far, far more useful to decide if someone is loyal, rather than looking for a smoking gun reason ( like actually fucking someone) to end things.

After many years wearing contact lenses, glasses are a new found joy. I wake up put them on and can get on with my day.

Not to get legally and financially attached to some, ie marriage.

You don’t really see your hair, clothes and make up so don’t worry about them.

People are self obsessed so don't bother wasting energy wondering what they think about you. They are NOT thinking about you.
Buying a new lipstick / top/ haircut because you think it might be the thing that finally attracts a man is rubbish. They don't notice and that's bollocks anyway. (I had learnt this by about 35 but that was still at least 20 years too late).
You absolutely do not have to get married and have children.

If someone asks you to do something, you can say no.

• it's ok not to drink if you don't fancy it.
• don't put up with bad behaviour from colleagues. Change job if you need to.
• always make time for exercise as it's good for mental health.
• have a bottle opener and coin thingy on your keys.
• life if short, if you're unhappy, do something to change it.

You can ask your partner (and kids, when old enoug) to do things rather than doing everything yourself

You can’t please everyone

Looks are really important. But you can do fine without them

Friendships require maintenance.

Being strategic is not a bad thing.

Sometimes doing the right thing does not pay off.

Most things are not that important.

Oh and also, my parents are amazing parents, and I was totally wrong to think I could do a better job!

@Muffinpuffin

The power of compound interest

Preach.

I would add how to say "no" and "fuck off" to unwanted male attention / touching/ groping / banter

Dressing up is just the most fun (if you enjoy getting dressed up, of course) and feeling happy about whatever you are wearing automatically makes you stand straighter, feel better and approach the world differently. Wearing anything at all simply because it’s ‘on trend’ is a mistake. Mind you, I think getting a bit older has given me the confidence to rock any old look I please without worrying about what people think.

Get a pension.
Time speeds up as you age

When I was in my 40’s I didn’t realise how old I would feel in my 50’s.

• saying no to people doesn’t make you a bad person
• everyone has intrusive thoughts from time to time
• ppl are so busy caring about how they look to bother worrying about how you look
• worrying will not help at all. The absolute worst things in life will happen whether u worry or not and are most likely not the trivial worries that consume u day to day

Celibacy is just fine.

That being a good corporate employee should not mean putting myself second. In terms of well being, success etc. took me waaaaaaay too long to learn that lesson.

@GlitterBiscuits

Get a pension. Time speeds up as you age

This is my biggest worry right now. I have no pension, DH has a small works pension. We’re in our forties and not home owners. What we’ll do I don’t know.

I wish someone had told me to start saving early, but we both grew up in poorish WC homes where savings were just unheard of. It was not part of our lives.

It needs to be taught in schools.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

What other people think of you, is none of your business.

Most people feel insecure about themselves but most are too afraid to admit or show it. You’re not the only one who feels afraid that they’re not good enough, now and then.

Flats are just as, if not more, elegant then heels.

Beauty is often temporary, elegance is forever.

Less is more when it comes to makeup.

Find your colour(s) and stick to it.