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Original poster

Desperate for a baby

246 replies

Becky131992 · 13/10/2021 22:37

Hi there, new to this and I'm really struggling.
I am DESPERATE to try for a baby. When I say my heart aches, it's an understatement. I'm at the age now where my friends are falling pregnant and whilst I'm happy for them this is tinged with sadness.

So I'm 29 and my boyfriend is 32. We have been together over 10 years. No ring, but that's a whole other story...

We have lived together for three years. We are very happy, we have a good laugh together, still fancy each other and are best friends.
However, this is pushing us apart. I wanted to start trying a few months ago and he wants to wait another couple of years. I honestly don't think I can. I have tried very hard to make him realise its the right time (I know i shouldnt be pressuring him but I can't help it). I've even sent him graphs and age related statistics.. But even if there was no such thing as a biological clock I'd still want to start trying now.

I don't know what to do, I don't want to leave him. How do I make myself wait?

As a side note, I also work with babies and children and this doesn't help. Also everyone in my life keeps asking me when we will have children. I know he definitely wants them which is a bonus, but he thinks we have plenty of time and wants to carry on being selfish for now.

OP posts:

Embracelife · 17/10/2021 22:43

@Becky131992

I own half the house and will be going back to work after a year off probs for 4 days rather than 5 tho :)

So you lose a lot of. money ?

Who pays your share of mortgage after 39 weeks?

Statutory Maternity Pay (SMP) is paid for up to 39 weeks. You get:
90% of your average weekly earnings (before tax) for the first 6 weeks£151.97 or 90% of your average weekly earnings (whichever is lower) for the next 33 weeks

Unless you the higher earner and four days is same as his five? Will he also drop days to do childcare?

Or he will continue to earn 100%?
How will nursery fees be split?

primrosee · 18/10/2021 01:42

@Chip131

This is probably me being crazy, we have been using condoms as stated but I have had a little niggle that I may be pregnant. Probably just all the talk of it though.

I have a few 'symptoms' but probably be being crazy here... And wistful thinking? Though I am its not gonna be the way I wantes it to be
Sex about 7 days ago around the time of ovulation.
Period due in about 9 days according to my app.
Ive had lower back pain for the last few days and shooting pains in my side. I have also noticed my discharge has changed and is more than usual and kinda creamy (sorry tmi). I also did have some brownish discharged when I wiped a few days ago.
Other 'symptoms' include a tiredness I have never felt before. I also feel like i have lots of saliva and this is making me feel sick at times.
Surely it would be too early for any symptoms? I also did a test stupidly today which was negative.
Ive been searching the boards and read about cervical checking, mine feels pretty soft to me.

Please be kind, I'm probably just being crazy atm it's been a stressful couple of weeks! X

I'm sorry, I'll bet my house that you're not pregnant 😔

But it shows how much you want a baby!
We've been trying for a year, we spend 24/7 together (wfh so plenty of time to have sex to conceive), and STILL life got in the way a few times: I had to stop for two months as had to get measles vaccine, I then was away for work one weekend and that's when I ovulated, etc. One weekend he went to stag do and that was another day I ovulated.

Even if you start trying in a year, it'll be soo long before it actually happens and you hold your baby.

Fernando072020 · 18/10/2021 07:29

@Chip131

This is probably me being crazy, we have been using condoms as stated but I have had a little niggle that I may be pregnant. Probably just all the talk of it though.

Please be kind, I'm probably just being crazy atm it's been a stressful couple of weeks! X

It's unlikely if you're getting negative tests, op. But I know what its like to drive yourself crazy symptom spotting. I did it for 2 and a half years after my MMC - we were trying and I just couldn't get pregnant again. Every month I'd put myself through the same thing and symptom spot and convince myself I was pregnant but I never was.

I think this is telling as to how badly you want a baby. If you truly are happy waiting until January 2023 with the man your with then you need to find a way to forget about babies and pregnancy, put it to one side for until then or you'll end up in an unhappy head space for the next year.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families

peaceanddove · 18/10/2021 12:09

Look, I know how hard this is. As I said up thread, I have been exactly where you are now though I was a few years older.

You need to find your pride. I decided that I deserved someone who was desperate to marry me. I didn't want to have to persuade and cajole someone into marrying me FFS. And I decided that any baby I had deserved a father who was over the moon at becoming a parent.

This is why I left DP (now DH) and why I made him jump through hoops to win me back and convince me that he was as committed to marriage and parenthood as I was.

Chip131 · 18/10/2021 12:33

Thank you,it really does make sense to me what your saying. I do deserve someone who wants to marry me.

peaceanddove · 18/10/2021 12:53

@Chip131

Thank you,it really does make sense to me what your saying. I do deserve someone who wants to marry me.

You absolutely do deserve it.

And equally, your DP deserves to be with someone who perhaps isn't bothered about marriage and a baby.

Neither of you are wrong. You're just not right for each other.

shrugshrug · 18/10/2021 16:55

That's a lovely post @peaceanddove

shrugshrug · 18/10/2021 16:56

The one at 12.09

peanutbutterxo · 01/02/2022 01:19

@Becky131992

How are you doing now? Has there been any change in situation?

With us being in an extremely similar position I often wonder how you're getting on x

Phrenologistsfinger · 01/02/2022 02:14

I was you aged 27 onwards. He kept me waiting and strung me along until 33 when I just had to leave him (heartbreak city). I met now DP aged 35, started ttc aged 37 (DP fairly wanted time for us to get to know each other beforehand). Multiple losses later, aged 39/40 and on our second round of IVF… it’s looking like my eggs are too old and it’s too late to be a mother. Don’t be me.

Leave him quickly if he won’t commit to this and find someone else. It’s no joke. I honestly don’t know how I am going to face the rest of my life…

Chip123 · 11/04/2022 14:07

Hi sorry, its OP! No change in my situation... Although my younger sister has just told me she's pregnant (I feel like I've been stabbed in the heart) and also lots of my friends have recently got pregnant/ engaged.

Ive been doing okay in that we have had lots of chats about it and he has firmly promised Jan next year etc etc. However, still finding it so so hard and I'm thibking it's ultimatum time.

How are things for you peanutbutterxo?

So sorry your having such a rough time post above :( xxx

peanutbutterxo · 11/04/2022 14:30

@Chip123

Lovely to hear from you again but sad for you that there has been no change in your situation. I'm pleased a date has been agreed for you.

We are now actively ttc after receiving news that my fertility may not actually be as good as first assumed, so I'm mentally going through a tough time. I'm also quite angry at my partner for putting it off for so long as I'm very concerned that I won't be able to conceive naturally at all now, whereas if we'd tried a couple of years ago I think it could have made a difference. I always thought I'll start ttc and it will just happen but so far no luck. If you are in a position to have a fertility check I would definitely do so, I hope you have no problems whatsoever but I don't want you to also have unexpected news like me!

Xxx

Chip123 · 11/04/2022 16:48

I'm glad you are ttc but so sorry it is not going how you hoped.really hope things work out for you soon! I am currently considering leaving, I am sat down thinking do I start packing.. I just don't know what to do. Hearing my sister is pregnant today has shattered me.

peanutbutterxo · 11/04/2022 17:14

@Chip123

Completely, completely with you. I can't stand to even speak to friends who have recently had babies and I feel dreadful for it but it kills me. I've completely cut them out.

When was the most recent chat in which January next year was agreed?

It's so difficult to advise you when we are both in the same situation. My partner seemed more to 'give in' but he's not putting much to any effort in to the ttc. I'm bearing all of the physical and mental weight of the whole situation.

peanutbutterxo · 11/04/2022 17:14

@Chip123

Dm me if you want to, I'm here xx

Chip131 · 11/01/2023 21:22

Just to update this thread, we are starting trying this month as planned :) xxx

VodselForDinner · 12/01/2023 00:44

Did you get married?

SmileWithADimple · 12/01/2023 07:08

Good news OP! Good luck!

Monkeyfarts · 25/08/2023 17:21

Did you manage to conceive @Chip131? So keen to find out!

Original poster

Becky131992 · 25/08/2023 20:45

Monkeyfarts · 25/08/2023 17:21

Did you manage to conceive @Chip131? So keen to find out!

Aww this thread!! im OP btw and yes I did :) im nearly 28 weeks pregnant with our little boy xxx

OP posts:

Monkeyfarts · 26/08/2023 03:13

Congratulations!!

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