Three words you never EVER want to hear from your DP

[GulliBelle]

Mine are, "We could camp".

Are you tired? aka I want sex

'I did DIY...'

Also “can we talk?”

Too ominous for my liking

Need it now (I work with him)

@DustyMaiden. My husband did that 😂
@GulliBelle. I agree 😱

“This was me”

Usually by text, followed by a sad face, a photo of whatever is broken and “just in case you blame the wean when you get in”

No. No, I wouldn’t.

“I’ll wash up” 😱

'I cooked dinner'

@formerbabe

Working from home

shock
^

Me too!

That's quite expensive

'I feel ill'

Jheeeeeez he's a massive baby with the slightest bit of a cold 😭😭😭 he sleeps the whole day away when he's ill and swears he's got a fever even though it always comes back normal 😭 he genuinely sits there and feels so sorry for himself I actually have to laugh at him to feel better about that situation!

(We’ve) gotta be careful....

This is the response I normally get when I try to discuss whether we can afford... well most things, really. He is a financial pessimist. I am a financial optimist. Between the two of us lies the reality... but if I get told to be careful one more time I may well brain him and claim on his life insurance

Fortunately he does compensate in many other ways!

Nooooo, ....I said.....

... this means he mentioned something in passing as an airy fairy plan and now has realised that nothing was decided and he is stuck between a rock and a hard place
to be fair this matters a good deal less now the children are all grown and I don't have work to consider, but he had to do a good deal of sorting out back in the day

"It's somewhere safe". Translation: I've forgotten where I put it, so I'll make wild guesses and/or work myself into a state of panic looking for it. For bonus points, I'll have forgotten what it looks like.

My mother's coming

Dd has wind.

He has just said this after spending 20 mins trying to get her back to sleep. She just started crying again. It's going to be a long night.

'i've often wondered'
Followed by a completely ridiculous random concept like 'if we could get to the airport by going that way'. No. Not when there is a plane to catch.

Pull my finger... Yes, he's basically twelve 🙄

I love you

Dr Who’s on 🤦‍♀️☹️

“It needs a professional finish”

Means “I will spend a fortune to get a good job done on the house don’t even think about painting it yourself! “

You’re not funny

"Street Outlaws 10pm"

Have you seen....😡😡