Three words you never EVER want to hear from your DP

[GulliBelle]

Mine are, "We could camp".

"I'll fix it"
Meaning he'll break it even more! Or, possibly worse, he will actually fix it and remind everyone of it whenever the item in used for the next bloody month.

I have Gonorrhea 😂

Joking aside I think it would be 'we could camp'

"I was thinking....."

It never ends in something sensible. When its sensible it never starts with those words for some reason.

@Dreamersandwishers I'm with you there.

My in laws are literally at my house now, hence I've been in the gym for over 4 hours and will be shopping, slooooowly, on my way home.

The thing is...

Formula one weekend ☹️

@ScarlettBlaize oh yes, done that too 😂

"You busy tonight "

Write a letter

Which means he wants to make a complaint, which means I have to actually do the complaining as he refuses to do anything like that.

I am now wise to this and it all goes from his email address

Why don't we...
which means why don't you

Aw @wendywoopywoo222 - I'll step in there for you....Gotta take one for the team and all that!
That's my idea of heaven!

Why don't we...
which means why don't you

Definitely, my ex used to say this.

The football’s on

DND goes up. Could be a DNR for all the response I get during a match. Every fucking day almost some shitty match is on the telly.

I've cooked tea..........

Which means something inedible on a plate, that he's ransacked the entire kitchen to produce and used every pan/tray we own.

Last week it was a Linda McCartney pie from the freezer - black on top as the oven was too hot, so he took it out of the foil, turned it upside down, put back in the still too hot oven and all the filling leaked out of.......... Served with 20 minute boiled broccoli and a scorched/over microwaved baked potato akin to a clay pigeon.

He does try, I feel mean but it's like a punishment, not a reward

“Work have said....”

usually followed by the dates he’s going to be working away, or plans we have to cancel because the powers that be have told him so.
And so, the burden of being a military family continues.......

These are all things that are mildly irritating

In terms of never EVER I would say

I'm leaving you

I'm terminally I'll

Things in that vein

'Did we pack/buy/get' - this always means 'I spent 5 minutes putting my pants in a bag, and now I'm wondering whether, among the millions of things that you packed, you included something that only I use but that I never mentioned until now.

My (body part’s) stuck...

My son as a small boy had a propensity for sticking fingers, legs, heads, in holes “to see if it would fit”. Of course it bloody fit. Nice and tightly 🤦‍♀️.

'I don't mind'
= you do the work

'Bit of fun'
= I'm going to wear a bow tie PLEASE NO

Oops I didn’t see the DP bit 🤣

"Erm, uh, well..." always preceeds really crappy news about money, having to cancel weekend plans or a DIY disaster. If he clears his throat between each word as well I now tell him to come in the lounge so we can sit down first.

‘I’m just leaving’. When you should have been here half an hour ago. 🤬

".....visit my parents".... God no! I'd rather shit razor blades than be trapped in a house in the middle of nowhere in Scotland with my father in law!

"What if we..."
Normally followed by some god awful decorating idea that should have died in the 90s which he expects me to fully research then present him with options for.

My last response was simply "No."

"There's rugby on"
Which basically means he's going to spend the weekend in front of the telly without lifting a finger