Do you have problems? Would you like a solution?

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Please come into my advice clinic. All my agony aunts are both untrained and insane. We WILL help you.

I don't know but try an look innocent!

Like this -

I'll brook no nonsense in Thighland. It's up to each potential thister to assess their own Inner Thigh. If they're all "oooh, i need a poo poo" then we can't be doing with that.

I found that the buttock clenching i practiced when i had the shits (so i could make it to the loo) actually enhanced my "walk of Thigh". I know to be a true leader, you must shit on the floor, and i know my dogs would be only too happy to clear up after me. i know i have a fair way to travel to reach my true inner thigh, but i lurk and i learn.

Oh Dog you really are rather Thigh anyway, are you reaching for my crown perchance? Thigh II?

I may have stolen your username, but i would never steal your crown. I'm just not murderous enough, (i suspect this stems from laziness, rather than kindness).

Thighing my way through working life - we had an issue while I was on holiday that I needed to sort yesterday. Due to unbelievable serendiptiy the contractor I need can do the work on Monday - would normally be a 2 month wait. So I have totally taken credit for the super speedy service we will be providing, and making out that it is because I am super organised and AWESOME at my job.

Rather than admitting that I have no idea why they have a slot on Monday and saying "wow how lucky are we"

Hi guys! (in Mrs Meldrum voice - by the way she's the un-Thighest, fascinating)

Have been back at work (shudders) but managed a nap this afternoon. CBA arsed to RTFT - any good murders lately? If you're pouring a new patio wait for me, I want to write my initials in the concrete.

I've been in the studio with my felt-tips designing Thigh's wallpaper, not that anyone remembers or cares, except for baking some hot cross buns. Remembered when they came out that neither DP nor DFASS* eats sweets so had to finish the whole pan myself. I would have shared them with you guys but I don't do that.

*Dear Future Adult Stepson

Hello Baker (it's your GF DT btw , I'm not in my uniform atm)

We have been on a day out to here:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3567494-to-ask-what-your-weird-secret-behaviour-is?pg=1

It's a bizarre place, there are some very strange people around there! Not like here! Here's normal!

I think they’re all making it up.

Actually I do have a weird thing. I like to plan how DH and I can hide from the CIA. For a while I had a tube map with code names and everything. Then DH refused to play anymore and I felt like a weirdo.

Project I've also got a weird confession to make... I miss pineapple !

I do!! I think she was the love of my life and I often imagine her telling me off for being happy in my slanket and pulling a right gob at me for eating too many monster munch in one day and calling the police about some of my activities! Sigh! [heart emoticon]

Just to be clear, I only love the original pineapplecore and not any of the others or the one that I was (which was whore)!

Has anyone got a picture of her for me to moon over!

The only picture I have of her is this one! 🍍

She did send me a threatening post card

Apparently drinking pineapple juice will give you a flavoured vagina.

So there’s that.

Oh thigh why do I not get such a card? She looks lovely in that one!

Project I have always wanted a flavoured vag! I knew there was a reason for my 'crush' !!! OMG! 'crush' see what I did there!!!

Nope, we will never, ever fit in with the weird thread crew - we are just not alike!

Also this

I hear you DT. I miss feeling disapproved of. I feel like no ones cares that a massive shit any more.

OMG!!! FIT!! Do you think if I ply her with Winka she'd get like that and finally think I was her type?

She has many peni. Possibly a bit scratchy though

I know!! Project I think we are now so bad we are good!!

What can we do to win more disapproval?

*cares that I’M a massive shit.

Yes at least she doesn't wax her bumhole!

Not that I've seen it!

I don’t know dangly. It’s hard to see how we could be MORE tasteless, especially now we’ve got these weirdos to compete with.

How to become more disgusting, that’s the question...

Project I don't mind so much that you are in my house using my piranha tank but thigh will never allow such visits unless the postman is the middleman!

Anyway never mind you're here now! Ok so, yes, you have it!! We need to be more disgusting than we've EVER been before!!!

Ok, I've just been back in time, seen what a disgrace we are, and I'm at a loss for new ideas! We need to plan and scheme something more foul ...