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Original poster

Do you have problems? Would you like a solution?

999 replies

pineapplebryanbrown · 15/04/2019 15:48

Please come into my advice clinic. All my agony aunts are both untrained and insane. We WILL help you.

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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 16/04/2019 09:34

Speaking of virtue signalling apparently wedding gift lists are all about social gifting now. Gifts include donating blood and visiting the elderly. But do you bring the blood and random elder to the wedding?

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LovelyCocksReg · 16/04/2019 09:40

Thigh you just take a machete to the wedding. You’ll get a lot of blood that way.

DanglyTassles · 16/04/2019 10:01

Rex why yes of course! The value in infinite!

You should ask for far more than that! Ask to 'work' from home under your slanket.

Also what is your dearest wish? He should be forced to make it come true!

Make a longer list!

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 16/04/2019 10:03

Speaking of weddings, why hasn't Baker invited us to hers? Hmm

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VelociraptorRex · 16/04/2019 10:09

@DanglyTassles that's a very good point. In fact, I should just get him to give me his job, then I can be in charge and sack all the other useless twats unwanted employees...

VelociraptorRex · 16/04/2019 10:10

@LovelyCocksReg I've heard some weddings don't even require a machete to involve bloodshed, although I've never experienced one firsthand

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 16/04/2019 10:22

Does it have to be your own blood you donate or can you offer someone else's?

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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 16/04/2019 10:22

I pledge that Thislido will offer free childcare.

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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 16/04/2019 10:24

I pledge that Dangly will dig your allotment.

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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 16/04/2019 10:25

I pledge Pooter's one remaining pube to the needy.

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DanglyTassles · 16/04/2019 10:31

Rex excellent news! Don't forget to sack him too! He sounds like a little bitch!

thigh I cannot do this 'digging' of which you speak due to terminal laziness but am prepared to hit someone with a spade as a contribution to the blood issue!

Babdoc · 16/04/2019 10:33

On the topic of weddings and bloodshed - 30 years ago, we had two wild and feisty clans of travellers in our area. Weddings in their families inevitably descended into drunken knife fights as the night wore on.
Our hospital reception used to have to ask Bride or Groom’s side? on arrival, and seat the bloodied victims and relatives on opposite sides of the A and E waiting room, to prevent the stabbing continuing on our premises!

DanglyTassles · 16/04/2019 10:39

Babdoc this is where we should have held our Thighland Anniversary party!

Other people creating drama and bloodshed is so much better than the telly (depending upon what's on of course!)

It also point to the question as to whether the nursing staff ever bring a machete to work just in case they lose the plot and go on a killing spree.

thislido · 16/04/2019 10:42

I will lend the birds with dagger claws to manage the ‘creche’

CarolinePooter · 16/04/2019 10:58

Oi, thigh I need that pube! I'm going to have it specially matched when I order my new merkin.

Babdoc I hope the NHS still promotes etiquette!

AgnosticBaker · 16/04/2019 11:12

Oh thigh you know I would love to invite you all! Bride's side will be vastly outnumbered by Groom's (though my guys will be more heavily armed of course) and it won't be a fair fight. The thing is, ummm, I live in "the other place" and, you know, Brexit.

Also we are going to ask for a "social gift", though I hadn't realized it could involve bloodshed! Here we thought we were being sooo original. Way behind the curve as usual.

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 16/04/2019 12:20

Babdoc we've been needing a doctor here for quite some time. Thus far I've been performing organ transplants with a bucket, a spoon and a Pritt Stick. To make it all sterile we blow on it to get the dirt off and follow the three second rule. Is that OK?

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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 16/04/2019 12:46

This is too much Hmm

I was literally ill yesterday and nobody has expressed relief that I've recovered.

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AgnosticBaker · 16/04/2019 12:52

thigh I was awake all night worrying! What If you popped your clogs and one of us needed to dispose of a body?

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 16/04/2019 12:58

You could practice on my body, anything for the Nation.

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DanglyTassles · 16/04/2019 14:07

Sorry thigh I've only just realised what you meant by "Tom and Dick' I was thinking you meant you'd been spit roasted by our two favourite fuckboys!

I didn't know you meant the squirts! I am eternally grateful that god spared you and you have lived to thight another thread. xxx

Ps. It was all that cock cake followed closely by the sultana bran that did it.

RednaxelasPony · 16/04/2019 14:56

I have no problems since deciding to self certify as ill until the Bank Holiday. I have a buy schedule of lying down and eating toast. I offer this as a possible solution to team thigh in the hopes of one day joining the team, unfettered by training or qualifications.

VelociraptorRex · 16/04/2019 15:32

@RednaxelasPony I think the most important question here is: what's on the toast?

CarolinePooter · 16/04/2019 15:32

red it does sound as if you have the right skillz. Are you good at forging sick notes? If so, you would be a wonderful asset to the team!

If you could also forge wills and MOT certificates, your welcome is assured.

CarolinePooter · 16/04/2019 15:34

baker red does death certificates, so it's all cool.

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