Do you have problems? I can solve everything.

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I am a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I can help with anything, please step inside my lovely advice clinic where my team of kindly Agony Aunts will cure you forever.

So I am sorry we had a friendly visit in Caroline's garden and didn't manage to harvest any organs so ...

I was wondering if we could substitute Ikea meatballs for livers n shizz?

Could that work? I've a few in the freezer?

I'm sorry too. Caroline was a marvellous host though.

I did run over a couple of squirrels on the way home so I'm happy to donate their tiny cocks or whatever is needed.

You're a good sort wax I always knew that about you since the first time you came over swinging your chainsaw about!

I thought 'That wax is a good sort!'

Thanks Dangly

That is actually me, okay

I think I fancy myself !

Bastard Cat got so angry today he imploded and had to be taken to vets. After having enough Ketamine to put down a fully grown elephant, the last vet with still functioning hands (legs were fucked btw) was able to go in and swap bits around etc. Luckily, we had enough very fresh organs from various veterinary staff to reanimate BC, although he now has to wear factor 80 suncream, cool shades and his incisors are massive but can, partially, retract. Anyhoo, good news! I have replenished our organ stores!!! Yay!!! Fresh bucket of organs everyone! Mix of human, dog, cat, rabbit and one teeny tortoise penis - have no idea why Vet decided to chop that off. Since her bits are part of the melange, we'll never know.

wax you are very alluring! I'm not surprised you fancy yourself. I used to look like you in my younger days.

Now I look like this

Wax , Caroline you are both very attractive ladies in different ways.

Caroline you look like you would make an excellent dominatrix for a certain kind of man!

I think I'm pleased about BC Mrs Cat not sure, but really happy to hear about bucket refill.
I was offered Tortoise Cock Soup in Phuket once, but my nether regions were malodorous and inflamed due to an encounter with a charming man with peccadilloes from Noo York and his obsession with egg timers.
(The sand is only 'fine' for walking or lying on, turns out it's not B&Q grade for block pave or sandpits).
As a result I couldn't walk work for quarter of an hour and couldn't afford it.
I had to make do with Cockaleekie, that too should be done by trading standards.
No cocks involved.
Fucking rip off.
Anyway fucking real fucking life has been filling my fucking space.
Result.
My bucket list.
4 kidneys
1 liver (gave one to dog, she brought him down first)
Miles of intestines
2 cocks (adult male human)
2 scalps (both with hair)
One tattoo misspelt in Cantonese saying 'Peas be with you'.

dangly I am considered harsh but fair!

lad your list is beautiful!

Forgot to say.
No brains to add to bucket, none to be found. Not one single cell.
Nada.
Zilch.
Empty space.
I'm working my way up the chain though so will report back (don't be excited, Oh! Glorious Thigh!) I don't expect to come across a brain bigger than the Koh-I-noor for many weeks yet.
I have my slanket in my back pack and stare, steely-eyed, into the face of Kev and John (no H apparently. Fuck off Johhhhhhn) from 'Finances' for at least 1 second before I tell them to piss off.
I am brave.
It's driven by exhaustion at having to stand up for so long.
It's not natural.
I am meant to sit up a tree, blink, sleep, eat and shit.
That's it.
End of, Kev, end of, isn't it?
Multiple organs coming up but cocks won't be bigger than tortoise or squirrel, brains ditto.

Thank you, (Lady) Caroline. I have popped into B&Q to complain about sand supplied to Phuket and picked up a couple of 'car washing' orange buckets.
One for Kev. One for Jo(h)n.
Equality.
Fraternity.
Balanced weight in both buckets.
#likeamilkmaid

Lad I'm very intrigued by your bucket list but aghast that you are being forced to work. It was sunny today therefore illegal to do anything but roll around in your slanket revelling and revealing your nethers to any who stop and stare.

Cat BC sounds an intriguing and violent cat, unfettered by social cat norms. The tortoise cock should be sent forthwith to Thislido we've been looking for something that can be crammed into her freakishly small letterbox for quite some time.

Pooter i examine your behaviour and i say to myself "why is Pooter such a complete pervert?" Then i remember, all your summers at the Berghof and then at Chequers being Winston's human cigar clipper hath made you a sociable creature, naturally keen to host. We'll have to continue reverse improving you i see.

thislido sorry to trouble you but please could you tell Marvin to tell the foxes to tell my dc that I have run out of gin. They will know exactly what to do. Thank you very much.

Ps hurry up

Lidocat looks forward to receiving the tortoise cock, so he can bat it about the flat 3am, before wrestling with the bathmat and pulling a few books off the bookshelf in the bedroom - the latter to draw my attention to the fact that it is playtime.

This is me, just out of the bath

Going purely by pooter's pic (great shot by the way) I think she's been socialised to conform - that side on thing is a dead giveaway. So I don't think we should be too harsh on her. She rocks the lace cap which I know I couldn't do.

Where's my GIN?

I try not to engage Marvin in conversation because I have limited time for hearing about his many ailments and general dissatisfaction with the state of the world. I'll ask lidocat to pass on a message though. He's busy kneading the slanket at the moment, but I expect he'll pop out later. He will then make a dramatic re-entry and announce his arrival loudly.

Great earrings thigh - pearl?

You're not appreciating the urgency I fear this. Could you not just pass Marvin a note to pass to lidocat?