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Original poster

Is your life still shit? I can solve all your problems....forever.

999 replies

pineapplebryanbrown · 03/04/2019 21:48

I'm a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. As I am unfettered by knowledge or training I can help you to solve every problem you have. Step inside my lovely advice clinic which is staffed by myself and my team of kindly Agony Aunts.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
30
ProjectGainsborough · 07/04/2019 17:04

Why is my username not thelastduchess? I have missed a trick

ProjectGainsborough · 07/04/2019 17:05

pooter please gratify my raging vanity. What do I look like?

Gettingnowhere · 07/04/2019 17:07

Dangly writing a poem about murdering you is Thigh's way of saying how much she missed you

DanglyTassles · 07/04/2019 17:07

Noway you don't need a full manual, he's quite simple to use, just keep him captive, (as you know) and there's a little key that goes into his back to wind him up every time you need a shag.

He goes like the clappers then (and gives you the clap but I liked that about him!)

DanglyTassles · 07/04/2019 17:10

Getting Thank you! I should have known that!

Wuv wu too thigh , sorry I went away.

Please write more poems about murdering me to show your affection!

DanglyTassles · 07/04/2019 17:11

Aaaagh the thread, the thread, hold hands or willies quick, we're off again ...

SadLonelyWife · 07/04/2019 17:12

Hello. I saw from the title of your thread that you can solve people's problems. My life was going really well up until a few weeks ago. My husband went away to a Health and Safety conference and ever since then he's been acting strange. He's started saying "Ja" a lot and wants me to only shop at Sainsbury's. A few days ago he suddenly packed his bags and headed for Las Vegas. The kids and I are devastated. What's going on?

Nowaypast · 07/04/2019 17:13

Oh you didn't tell me I had to wind him up. I hope it doesn't take too much effort.

CarolinePooter · 07/04/2019 17:15

gainsborough

Is your life still shit? I can solve all your problems....forever.
CarolinePooter · 07/04/2019 17:15

Trying again

Is your life still shit? I can solve all your problems....forever.
CarolinePooter · 07/04/2019 17:16

Very trying.....So good I named it twice!

Nowaypast · 07/04/2019 17:16

Gosh Gainsborough is very fetching isn't she? But by the looks of that sky she's going to need a mac anytime soon

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 07/04/2019 17:17

I was being winsome DT . Is the shitting compulsory cos I'm not down with that.

OP posts:
CarolinePooter · 07/04/2019 17:18

sad are you a bigamist?

ProjectGainsborough · 07/04/2019 17:19

Aw pooter I love you. Do I have a Kalashnikov behind my back?

SadLonelyWife · 07/04/2019 17:20

Of course not Caroline

CarolinePooter · 07/04/2019 17:24

project you are in therapy for the Lidl incident. My fake made up prescription is a bucket of gin and a nice Georgette Heyer novel.

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 07/04/2019 17:24

Getting quickly i have a desperate, desperate emergency!

OP posts:
CarolinePooter · 07/04/2019 17:24

Or was it Aldi? Cheap, anyway!

CarolinePooter · 07/04/2019 17:25

sad check his phone. You know you want to!

Gettingnowhere · 07/04/2019 17:26

What is it Thigh. Do we get to borrow police cars again?

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 07/04/2019 17:27

I just missed you and wanted to say Hi.

OP posts:
SadLonelyWife · 07/04/2019 17:27

I'm afraid he's taken it with him, Caroline. Along with his laptop, tablet and all other electronic devices we have

CarolinePooter · 07/04/2019 17:28

On standby, thigh !

Gettingnowhere · 07/04/2019 17:29

Prove it Thigh. Write me a murder poem

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