Is your life still shit? I can solve all your problems....forever.

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I'm a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. As I am unfettered by knowledge or training I can help you to solve every problem you have. Step inside my lovely advice clinic which is staffed by myself and my team of kindly Agony Aunts.

Nooooo. pineapple gave me a reason to live. Without haterz what are we???

OMG!!!

I'm the only one NOT doing pineapple! I was in love with her! She's my type!

Project it wasn't worth snapping out of your depression earlier.

I'm right with you!

lido everything should stop when I do. Or at least be extremely put out.

Perhaps we could preserve my remains in piss, possibly in the shark tank in Texas.

Dangly will Mr Dirty Faeces soon be available?

Noway I think he might be, I feel bored of him now I know for sure I'm in love with pineapple after I found our she doesn't exist.

Would you like a go on him?

Be quick I might be killing him soon so I've already cut a few peaces off him and dissolved them in acid, it's ok, he didn't notice!

Oh that's terribly kind of you. Before I accept your offer could you just tell me which pieces you've already cut off?

Pineapple your days are numbered!

I can confirm he still has his todger and it was in full working order last time I tried it. One bollock remains!

He's missing a few digits, a couple of toes, I also managed to remove an earlobe by pretending to have an accident whilst 'cutting his hair'. That's all I've got round to removing yet, don't want to make him suspicious and run for his life!

Caroline that's my chosen life partner you're tucking into!!

I’m not doing 🍍... I’m too busy lying down to do anyone!

Hmm. Can he stand up unaided? How long ago did you test out the todger? Not bothered about the earlobe - think they grow back anyway

I didn't realise pineapple was so beautiful until caroline posted her picture

dangly it was never going to happen, face it! Pineapple is more use as a peacekeeping symbol. Try and see the bigger picture. The slice cut out represents the removal of the Irish Backstop, and that would be a Good Thing. The rest represents peace and harmony.

Nice try Dangly - you have been "absent" for all the times that pineapple has been around. You're clearly the pulprit.

Pulprit? Anything to do with priests? AHAH!

Priests, todgers, it's starting to make sense now.

Noway Mr Faeces is hobbling just fine when he pops up the road to Starbucks for my morning coffee each day and I last tested the todger last night after my spot on the tour.

You can have the dirty bugger now, but please don't steal my pineapple away from me now that I love her sooo much.

I've wrote a song about you:

Noway, Noway, Noway Nooooowaayaaayaaay
I'm beggin of you, please don't take my fruit

(To tune of 'Jolene' of course)

Project preserved in aspic or piss, are they the same thing? I seem to have vague memories of chicken in aspic back when I was at Manderley, being the 2nd Mrs Maxim de Winter.

Ha

Pooter what in the name of fuck is that?

thigh !!!!

I have already revealed my username history after similar accusations which turned out to be that blooming Getting

Hmmmmmm!!!

It's a cheese n pineapple hedgehog! I want one for dinner now, eee that takes me back.

Mr Faeces

DT you haven't flashed it recently though have you? Since you were away on your convenient fanny tour....